Burgundy
by kilgoretrouting
Summary: Country Bella and New Yorker Edward. Why do good girls like the bad guys so much? Basically, the story of two people with fucked up pasts trying to make a better future. Edward is a dick. Bella is naive. Mega-angst, lemons, and cursing.
1. Chapter 1

**_AN:_** **So, I'm back on FF. Hopefully, I can finish this story! I'll be posting two chapters tonight, because the first is mostly just explanation. I love feedback! Hope you enjoy.**

 _Chapter 1: A Whole New world_

Ah. There's nothing like the smoggy air of New York. I don't know if it's the bustling businessmen scurrying throughout the crosswalks or the loud blazing horns of the taxis as they shout expletives out the windows to the "oblivious jackass" ahead – but something about this city is exotic. I mean it sure beats dusty old Virginia.

"Well are you going to pay me or what?" the taxi driver barks at me in a thick accent. He goes on to mutter some other comments in his language and I'm tempted to ask him what he's saying, but the visual of the brown, nearly dilapidated apartments confirms that I have reached my destination.

"Oh," is all I can say. I reach into my pockets to pull out the seventy-eight dollars and forty-two cents the cabbie had to repeat two times. In the end he just pointed to the number blinking on pay meter.

"Thanks." I attempt to pull my suitcases from the seats with a strenuous tug, no thanks from the cabbie. It takes more yanks than necessary, but they finally emerge from the seat and onto the concrete. I fix the hair that has fallen out of place and sigh, cracking my back. Looking at the front door, I feeling a wave of anxiety begin to crash down on me. It arrives out of nowhere, the severity of all I'd done suddenly weighing on my shoulders like a hunch on Quasimodo. I thought that it would be gone, the panic attacks, the seizures – the everything. I thought it would have disappeared the moment I'd stepped off the plane. And it had. I'd been doing so well, right up until now. I can feel the sweat gathering at the nape of my neck, and I briefly consider going back to the airport.

 _No_ , I think. I know that I did not fly 348 miles, change my name and practically everything about me just to be right back where I started, scared old Isabella. I am not her. I am no longer shy and small-town Isabella. I'm not the self-conscious girl that cowered in her room. I am not the Isabella that is afraid of her own skin – and I definitely am not the Isabella that followed her parents every order.

No. After the seven and a half month planning process, I am now the twenty-three year old, independent Bella. I am sophisticated and head strong. I am beautiful and self-righteous. And even though deep down, I don't believe any of that, I force myself to act like I do. Like I am someone special – like I am Bella. The name isn't a far cry from my birth name, but, hey, it's a start.

I hasten myself to take the seven deep breaths Dr. Hale suggested I do when I begin to feel overwhelmed. Adjusting my gray hoodie and tightening my hold on my luggage, I walk towards the door. Within seconds my wrists start burning from the weight I'm pulling. I stumble inside.

"Ouch!" I cry, when my suitcase rolls over my toe. "Crap."

I slide into the closest sitting contraption I can find – a folding chair. I sigh and look up at the room I'm in. It's dimly lit with a couple of lights hanging from the ceiling, making the color of the brown walls appear burgundy. The room is rectangular and the left side is aligned with chairs, some fold ups and somewhat look like footstools. The room has two wide windows on the left, both of which are tinted and shut, making the air sultry inside.

"Can I help you?"

The right side of the room however, has no windows. There are three doors that have signs hanging up: custodial, utilities and boiler. Directly across from the door I entered is a staircase, one leading up and one leading down. Next to the staircase is a large painting of a forest.

"Miss?"

I feel a grin stretching out my face. I've done it. I have made it to the one place I want to be, New York. I have never worked so hard for something in my life. After the tears and the arguing and the panic attacks, I have finally made it. I no longer feel the weight of apprehension on my shoulders. I don't feel the need to pop a Valium or any of the other prescription drugs stored in my travel case. I am utterly amazed with myself, especially the fact that I haven't been hospitalized through the whole adventure.

"Yoo-hoo, anyone there?" I snap out of my reverie to face an older man standing behind a wide circular desk in the center of the room. I am surprised I'd missed it.

"Oh, uh yeah," I mumble, "Yes." My cheeks start to heat but I walk towards the desk with a smile. "Uh, my name is Bella. I called in a few months ago about an apartment. I spoke to a woman named Kate?" the man spins around to a buzzing computer and types some things in.

"Bella Swan, correct?" I nod, tugging my wallet out and showing him my identification. He nods, creases etching themselves on his forehead. He adjusted the little, round spectacles sitting on his nose and peers at the computer.

"Ah yes, Bella. Your furniture arrived some months ago and is settled into your apartment. I see you've paid your rent in advance so you're covered for the next three months." He goes through some drawers before he pulls out a single brass key. "Room 28, follow the stairs up, it should be to your left." He places the key in my hand with a small smile. I blink.

"That's it?" I am taken aback as to how easy this is. The old man smiles again, his face warming and cheeks turning red.

"Little lady, you've already completed the paperwork, mailed in everything, right?" I nod. "Then that's all. If you need anything, office hours are from ten to five, Monday through Friday. Feel free to stop by. Oh!" he reaches into another drawer, producing another key. "This is for the entry door. Don't forget to lock it after you enter, we don't have a security system and we don't like being robbed, so if you could do that we'd be very grateful." He hands me the key. "The manual should be on your kitchen counter, you can consult that or your neighbors if need be."

I look at the old man and smile. "Thank you," I say, my country accent sounding thicker than ever.

"You're not from around here, are you?" he raises an eyebrow at me. I duck my head and blush.

"Oh no, I'm from Virginia."

"Phew!" he gasp. "That's a mighty long way to travel! You here by yourself, little lady?" he has a great bellowing voice. It is enthusiastic and makes me smile.

"Please, call me Bella. And yes, I'm taking up a photography job at H&B Imagery." I gush.

"You take photos?" he assesses me, looking me up and down. His ocher eyes are full of knowledge and comforting.

"Yes sir, I'm a photographer." I smile.

"Small world!" he laughs. "Turns out that your neighbor does photography also. Handsome boy, keeps to himself though." All I can think of to do is nod. I turn back to gather my suitcases and begin to make my way to the expansive stairs when I stop.

"Thank you, uhh . . ." I stammer. He laughs.

"Call me Garrett."

"Thank you Mr. Garrett." I say with a small smile. I may have changed a lot of things about me, but my manners are one of the things I didn't.

"You're welcome, Bella, good luck with the job and all." I reach the stairs and look up, my eyes nearly bursting from their sockets as I took in the endless flight of stairs that seem to reach out to heaven. I couldn't help but mindlessly think of how helpful an elevator would be at the moment, and desperately prayed that I wouldn't have one of my episodes on this hellish mountain. I take another seven deep, soothing breaths before I begin to climb this behemoth. I can practically feel my biceps growing as I pull my bags up the stairs behind me. I again absently thought of an elevator, but then wondered if I should ask Mr. Garrett for his help, but almost immediately decided against it.

' _I can do it'_ , I tell myself. I didn't need help. I can't allow myself to rely on others when things seemed tough. I have had enough of that from my parents. I have had enough of their scrutinizing, overprotectiveness and their pity, that's why I came here; to prove not only to them, but to myself that I am capable of surviving and taking care of myself. But, instead of thinking of all that and the perilous stairs, I try to busy myself with musing about all the adventures I'll have in New York.

When I finally find the corridor with my number on a tag by the door, I can't help the grin, thinking: this is it, the end to a new beginning. I sigh and let my heart slow down and take even breaths. I open the door — my door! I laugh to myself, filling the flat with happiness.

I made it.

{~'~}

I have to go shopping. This meager amount of clothes I'd brought is not going to last me very long. I notice this as I unpack my suitcases and neatly place my clothes in the mahogany dresser in my bedroom. Clearly the shopping spree I'd gone on is not going to appease the New York weather. And aside from the fashionable hoodies and designer skinny jeans, I'd need a countless number of underwear, jackets, scarves, etc… to better equip me to the arctic climate. Not only do I need to buy clothes, but I also need food. Unless I am going to feast upon my medication, I'd have to find the nearest Cost-Co.

My phone rings as I contemplate calling out for food, the sound echoes in my small room like footsteps in an alley. And it is really that precarious to me because a phone call is the last thing I want to deal with on an empty stomach.

It frightens me more than it ought to, it is just a phone after all, but perhaps the Jaws themed ringtone makes it worse. I'd have to change that. I almost consider letting it ring, but I think I owe him that much to tell him I'd landed safely and everything. I reluctantly grab my phone and answer it. Before I can even utter a formal greeting, he beats me to it.

"Oh my goodness, thank god you picked up! You are supposed to call us Isabella! Your mother almost have a heart attack when you didn't call us like you promised. The plane arrived precisely at 3:09, Isabella! That is almost 5 hours ago! Your mother has been worrying that you have an attack or something! What are you thinking? are you even thinking? Huh? Talk Isabella!" I pull the phone away from my ears the moment he starts shouting. His voice is loud and coarse as he yells, and I can almost see the spit coming out of his mouth as he enunciated every word. I should hang up. I wanted too.

"Dad —" I start.

"Look, Isabella, I don't know what little phase you're going through, but it better end soon. God, just to think of you out there in that enormous city by yourself . . . what if you have another attack or a seizure? What if your beta-blocker goes awry? Who's going to take care of you, huh? Why are you doing this to us Isabella? Where did your mother and I go wrong? We only want what's best for you! I promise you, if you come back to Charlottesville we can put this whole thing behind us and –" this is where I cut in. My dad's voice is getting hoarse and I can tell he is getting choked up because he is begging. My father is never one to beg, never has and I didn't think he ever would. But what do I know? I've never really truly known my father. The restrictions he put on my life because of my health have makes that impossible.

"Dad! Stop okay? This is not about you or even mom for that matter. This is about me, dad. Me. Can I please just do this one thing on my own?" apparently old habits die-hard. I am grown, I can make my own decisions, and I need to learn that. Accept it.

"Isabella, stop it! Stop acting like this, I don't even know you anymore. What's happened to Isabella? Huh? Where's she gone?" he is making my head hurt.

"Gee I dunno. You must have the wrong number though. There's no Isabella here. Not anymore."

Click.

And I hang up. As I go about putting stuff away, I try not to think too much of the conversation with my dad because I know that he is right – for some of it. I am alone, really alone. If my heart stops doing what it's supposed to, I'll have no one to help me or know what to do or who to call. I'm stranded here in this great city and I'm not sure how good that is anymore. I'm not sure if I makes the right decision and maybe I should take up on my father's offer. I pull my iPod out of my hoodie and connect it to my I-home speakers praying silently to the purple device to take my mind off of things. Instead the song that comes on makes me even more apprehensive.

 _Is anybody there?_

 _Is anybody there?_

 _You cry to the full moon_

 _As your thoughts run wild like the_

 _Thoughts of a child_

 _You wonder if you'll be there soon_

 _I say slow me down, down_

 _Slow me down_

 _I wanna hear that sound,_

 _Slow me down_

What the heck am I doing? He's right; I have no friends or anything. I'm really left high and dry out here like an exile. Only, this is by choice. I chose to banish myself. But why?

 _I don't know anything no more_

 _I don't know anything_

 _I don't know anything no more_

 _I don't know anything_

For freedom. Yeah, I did this for freedom. So I wouldn't have to obey every single thing my father said. So I can make mistakes, so I can live to be on my own and not be dependent on my parents. So I wouldn't let my condition make decisions for me. So I can be me, Bella.

I just need to remember that. With a sigh, I lean over to change the song and immediately feel relieved when Minus the Bear's "My Time" comes on. Nothing like upbeat alternative music to make you feel better.

Grooving to the beat, I am finish putting my clothes away pretty quickly. I stand up and stretch and take a peek at my apartment. It's true; it is really small – but it's comfy and homey. When you enter the front door there is a small walk in kitchen to the right with a refrigerator, cabinets, dishwasher – everything it needs to have.

Thanks to my savings account I am able to equip myself with everything that a normal house would have and then some. I have nearly eight figures in my account and it is still increasing. Just one of the perks of having a world-renowned lawyer for a dad. I had never really thought much of the money, it was just there sitting untouched, and in my name. But when I turned twenty three, the more I thought about it, the more I figured I should put it to use, especially if it was going to double within the next year, if my parents don't cut me off.

To the left is a living room/ dining room/office. I have a flat screen TV hanging against the wall, with a complicated sound system to the right of it. Since the color of the walls in the house is a beige tone, I'd decided to have the color scheme of my apartment my favorite pigment, burgundy. It makes me laugh now, because it is almost the same as the office downstairs. A long dark red couch is in front of the TV, it is velvet and accompanied with black and burgundy pillows to match it. There is also a black mahogany table straight across from the door, for eating. It is tall and has two small chairs on each side. I also have a computer set up on a desk (I'd have to call Comcast to help get it going) and bookshelves against the walls, my beloved books all in boxes waiting to adorn it.

I have a long maze looking rug that is black and burgundy on the taupe tinted carpet. That is about all that is set up for the moment, all my movies and music collections and art is all safely wrapped (I hoped) in the boxes on the floor. Well, mostly. Then there is the short hallway leading to my room. My room is square and undersized but it have a rather spacious bathroom and closet that makes me feel less cramped. The bathroom has a walk in shower, which looks like it has been remodeled recently, a toilet, sink and mirror – the basic stuff. I have a window to the far right of my room that has a decent view of buildings and a park. I also have a TV and sound system in my room, but that is about all I have that is of stealing value. My bed is pretty big, queen sized and it takes up most of the space, but it is pretty and has bed posts. I have a teal bedspread on it, big and fluffy.

I fall onto it, curling into a ball, and snuggling into the soft plushy pillows, listening as Thom Yorke sings about disappearing completely. I don't notice I have drifted off to sleep until I heard a loud pounding on my door, waking me up.

The music from the stereo is blaring – louder than I remembered, and the heavy hip-hop is obviously the reason I have someone at my door. I slide off my bed lazily, feeling around in the dark for my phone to check the time. 1:14 am.

"Shit," I mutter, my voice thick with sleep. I clear my throat and rub my eyes, picking the crust out. There isn't really a point of trying to better my appearance because I can tell that my hair is sticking up in awful directions, so I give up and just let it be. Stumbling towards my iPod, I shut it off and head towards my door.

Please don't be the manager.

I throw the door open with a pant, and the person at the door jumps a little, his hand in mid-air, muscles clenched so tight, his knuckles are as white as snow.

"I'm so sor-," I choke. The man standing at the door is obviously pissed at me, and I don't finish my sentence. My eyes bugged out of my head while I assessed him. He isn't much older than me; maybe a year or two and he looked beautifully outraged. His nose is flared and his jaw is clenched tight enough that I felt sorry for his teeth. Pretty green eyes glare down at me. His eyebrows are rutted and thick – a tiny part not shaved in his right, down cast in aggravation.

 _Basically,_ he looks angry, so much so that I take a step back. I can feel Isabella taking over me, or rather me taking cover in her. I am starting to seek refuge when he speaks.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" he demands. His voice is husky and deep and it makes me shiver. Though it is rugged, it have a smooth tint to it – even with anger – that makes the girly part of me swoon. I blink and he takes that as a no.

"Well, it's two mother fucking thirty in the morning, and your music has been blaring since I got home. Now, I don't know if you have some nocturnal sleeping disorder or something, but I for one am tired. But I find it hard to sleep when your neighbor is blasting Heavy D all night long. So if you could kindly turn your music down, I would ever so appreciate it." He seethes, putting a muscular arm against my doorframe. My mouth hangs open at his words. Mixed in with his New York accent is a tongue that has a considerably healthy knack for profanity. I don't appreciate it one bit, and I especially didn't like that I nearly melt like chocolate in a pocket during summer at the sound of his voice.

I feel lightheaded and my heart flutters in my chest, but before I can actually worry myself that I will faint, the beta-blocker kicks in and sets it up to normal tempo. I still can't speak though. This boy standing outside my door with a tank top and basketball shorts has me tongue-tied. He is beautiful throughout his aggravation and I can't help but imagine how gorgeous he is when he smiles. This has to be my neighbor; the one Mr. Garrett had been referring to.

He cocks his head to the side as if he is waiting for me to retort. When I don't do anything but ogle him, he smirks at me, shiny white teeth showing in the dark hallway. He removes his hand from my frame and turns to walk towards his apartment.

Meanwhile, there is a brawl in my head between two personalities. My Bella persona has sucker punched my Isabella persona in the throat and claims my poor gelatin excuse for a body. She yells at me to say something while I still have the chance to, reminding me that I am pulling an "Isabella" and to "woman up" because I am in New York and they don't have room for sissies here. Before I realize what I am doing, my mouth opens and the words come out.

"Its 1:16, jackass." I quickly clamp a hand over my mouth and gasp. Where in the hell did that come from? I felt my face heat up, and I knew it probably looks even frazzled than my hair. The man turns on his heels, his head whipping towards me, tendons casting tents on his neck.

"What the hell did you just call me?" he asked, looking slightly amused and surprised at the same time. I clear my throat and remove my hand off my mouth. I rub the back of my neck, hoping to play it off.

Well, no turning back now.

"You – you heard me." I mutter again. In my head, Bella is slapping her forehead in annoyance at my stuttering comeback. Isabella is just slowly rocking back and forth. The beautiful man in front of me smirks to the point where it could have been a smile. It is . . . sexy and my heart flip-flops again. His green eyes looks me up and down, and I feel nervous in my shorts and oversized jersey, but I stand firm.

"Would you like to repeat it again?" he quirks an eyebrow, his eyes squinting to the point where they almost disappeared.

"Why? Didn't make myself clear the first time?" Surprisingly, my voice is even and it makes me smile. I knew I look crazy smiling at him, but I can't help it. Point for Bella for holding firm.

"Oh, I wouldn't be talking. I'm not the one blaring music at one o'clock in the morning like I'm audibly challenged am I? What, are you trying to feel the vibrations?" is he seriously making fun of Deaf people in front of me? He speaks like he doesn't give a darn that anyone heard it; in fact he smiles. This isn't the smile I am looking for though. It is evil and annoying the hell out of me. Despite the obvious attraction I feel for him, his attitude is horrible and a turn off. I roll my eyes.

"How's this for a vibration?" I ask sweetly, and then I slam the door in his face. When my door is shut, I do a little happy dance. I just stood up for myself for the third time and without realizing it at first, I felt like I was getting stronger. People did things like this every day so it may seem a little silly to be feeling a tremendous buzz like I was, but I never did things like this before. I could never curse at someone and roll my eyes to their face. Never in all my life could I ever insult someone – not even in my mind.

In my attempt to break free, I was still pretty shy about it. I told my parents I was leaving without even looking them in the eye and I swear that in that time period I have never spoken so little about something so significant regarding what I wanted.

Speaking up is so hard for me to do; I never expected to pull myself out of the hole my parents left me in. I'd lived under my parent's restrictions for my whole life, believing that they are doing what's best for me. But no one knows me like I do, and I finally understood that. There is still a tingling in my wrists. From adrenaline? From Isabella? Or from me? Whatever it is makes me feel bionic, like I can lift a car off a baby or fly. I skip all the way to my bedroom and flop on my bed.

I felt good.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Old Aches and New Aches

The next morning I wake up early to go shopping. It's about 7:00 in the morning, and my stomach awakens me before my alarm has a chance to scream in my ears. My tummy feels like its eating itself and I feel weak, which is a horrible way to start the morning. Flopping off my bed, I rub my hand over my face, groaning. I automatically gag because my breath tastes like I just licked Michael Moore's toes and I'm grateful that I at least have running water and a toothbrush and toothpaste. I keep my hand firmly over my mouth as I rush to my sink; my breath is so toxic I think I will pass out. After scrubbing the smell of death off of my tongue I take a look at my prescription meds.

It is Sunday, so I only have to take my Inderal and Metoprolol. I hate these pills, I really, really, _really_ hate these pills. I know they keep my heart pumping and all, but I just hate the obligation of having to take them. Every single morning I have to wake up at 7:30 to take these wretched pills. All they do is make me sleepy and less aware and I hate it. I wish I didn't have this dumb disease. I wish I was normal and I didn't need surgery every three years.

 _Cry me a river_ , Bella was mumbling in my head. I was beginning to think that a side effect of these pills was hearing voices and that maybe I should consult Dr. Hale. Or maybe I'm just becoming downright schizophrenic. Great, that'd mean more drugs.

She's right though; there is no use in crying over it. I've had my share of tears in my life. This was the time where I actually enjoy my life and not mope over some ventricular disease. I won't let that keep me down, I can't.

As I always do, I swallow the loathsome pills. They leave an aftertaste that tastes like yeast and prunes, so I cup my hands under the running water and tilt my head back so they don't stick in my throat.

I reach into the box by my feet and rifle for my flat iron. While it's getting hot, I busy myself with getting dressed. I hurriedly dress in skinny jeans and a dark blue V-neck and turn box over box to find my shoes. Then I feel awfully dumb because they're right in front of my face, labeled "SHOES" in a bright red marker. I cram my feet in just as my iron beeps.

My stomach is grumbling ferociously, like thunder. I thank God that no one else is in here with me because it is embarrassingly loud. If they don't have a vending machine down stairs I'm screwed.

After my hair is neatly pressed and I look decent, I grab my bag and jacket, heading for the door.

As soon as it's in sight, thoughts rush back to me about last night about the beautiful man – the beautifully angry man – who was knocking on my door. My _God_ , was he gorgeous. The thought of him sent a tingle through my spine. And I think:

There is a gorgeous person living next to me.

Who was cussing me out —

And laughing at Deaf people.

Who had the most captivating voice.

And the most striking green eyes.

And the worst attitude.

And he lives next to me.

Next to my apartment.

My apartment.

 _Mine_.

It's not every day I use the word 'striking' but that's the best I could do. I mean it's not every day you have a gorgeous person living next to you, right? Or maybe it is, I wouldn't know. Locking my door, I find myself hoping that at the same time he'll be leaving his house so I can see them — see him. He doesn't come out though, and I briefly consider just waiting a couple seconds more because maybe . . .

Ugh, I'm pathetic.

As I turn for the stairs, I am almost tackled to the floor by a sandy brown dog. I laugh as it circles around me, sniffing my rear.

"Hey," I swat it away laughing. It's huge, probably weighing as much as I do. "Who do you belong to?"

Of course, the dog doesn't say anything. It just pants and wags its tail. I rub it between its ears, and kneel, smiling as it ducks its head in contentment. I look around briefly for its owner, I even shout for them. Nothing happens.

"Want to come with me? Huh, girl?" I scratch it around its neck, searching for its tags or something. It has a pink collar around its neck, a dead giveaway that it's a girl. It beats having to check the other way . . .

She leans into my hand a little bit, and I instantly fall in love. I've always wanted a dog, I've asked my parents at least a dozen times but the answer was always the same: no. I'll never understand what they had had against me and pets, but I have a feeling it had to do with their attachment issues. Back home, I never really had any friends because of them. I see now that I was a fool for letting them have so many reigns over my life — but at the time, it made sense. No matter how distorted their reasons were, they'd always convinced me that they'd known best, that I was just a little girl and —

"Stealing is a felony," I hear from the stairs. I jump at the abruptness at his voice, my breath stuck in my throat. My heart jerks uncomfortably, almost feeling like a punch in the chest. Abruptly, I begin to choke and sputter while my heart starts jumping about. Air isn't finding its way to my lungs quick enough, I know it. And I begin to panic, almost reaching in my bag for my pills. Not that I'd be able to swallow them in the first place.

 _Calm down_ , I think. _Take deep breaths. Count to twenty. . ._

"Uh. . ."

 _1 . . . 2 . . . 3. . ._

"Are you. . . ?"

 _7\. . . 8 . . . 9. . . my heart starts to slow down. . . ._

"Uh. . . Uhm. . . ."

 _10\. . . 11. . . 12. . . I feel the beta blockers kicking in._

 _15\. . . 16. . . .17. . . Woosahhhh. Wooosahhhh._

 _20\. . ._

"Should I . . . ?"

"No!" I shout. My voice echoes throughout the hallway and down the stairs. "No, no. I'm fine. You just. . . caught me off guard, is all." he seems to weigh that for a second, his green eyes eyeing me speculatively. Within the next second his brow smoothens over and his mouth turns back into a grim line. He looks at the dog, then back to me.

"That's my dog." he jerks his chin toward the brown beast at my feet.

"Oh," I murmur stupidly, still taking deep breaths. I slowly rise to my feel careful not to topple over and hand the pink leash over to him. I feel a wave of insecurities arise as I look up at him, his bronze tousled hair and strong jaw. His green eyes look me up and down and I feel slightly bare in my jeans and hoodie. He scoffs at my mittens.

"You are going to freeze to death." he smirks, crossing his arms against his chest. His shirt tightens a bit, and I can almost make out his pecs. Not that I'm staring or anything. . .

"I'll manage," I say briskly, crossing my arms right back. We glare at each other for a couple seconds, neither of us refusing to move.

"Are you going to move or what?" he asks finally.

Isabella is already tiptoeing backwards to the nearest corner.

"I was here first." I say stubbornly. Somewhere in my head, Bella snickers at my first grade comeback.

"Ladies first," he insists with a small sneer, gesturing towards the stairs.

"Funny, didn't peg you as the gentleman type." I mutter. Automatically, his teeth clench. I almost took a step back; his green eyes having turned a dark forest green, veins almost straining in his neck. I wonder briefly if he's going to hit me.

"You shouldn't peg me as anything, seeing as though you don't know a damn thing about me in the first place." he growls out at me. He actually growls. Is it sick to say that I kind of swoon at the sound?

"You're making it hard to want to, with that attitude." I retort.

"Oh. _I_ have an attitude?" he leans on to his right leg and raises his eyebrows.

"Yes!"

"Then why are _you_ the one yelling?" once again, his smirk returns, making my words get stuck in my throat.

"Because. . . Because—"

"Go on," he prompts.

"What's your problem?" I sigh. He laughs once, a bitter sound that doesn't sound right at all— especially coming from his beautiful mouth. This is not the laugh I want to hear, I decide. I want to hear a laugh that makes the side of his eyes crinkle a little.

"Oh, I guess I'm just tired, I was up for a while last night." he says, looking at me pointedly.

"I said I was sorry," I shrug.

"You did." He allows.

"So?" the dog circles around him, tangling the leash around his feet. He sighs, unwraps it for a second and as he reaches down, I get a brief glimmer of a tattoo on his right bicep. When the leash is untangled and the silence has gotten uncomfortable he sighs and brings his eyes back up to mine. His eyes are somehow a softer green, and the change of them takes me by surprise.

"What's your name?" he asks suddenly. I'm taken aback at his formal and somehow random question, as well as by his eyes. Isabella, I almost say.

"Bella. Yours?"

"Edward," he says. I stick my hand out awkwardly toward his and it hangs there for a second.

"Uh, it's a pleasure to — "

"Yeah." he says, cutting me off. He tugs on the leash a little and the beast of a dog gets up and follows him as he walks swiftly past me. I step out of the way as he does, my hand dropping to my side. I stare after him, confused as to what just happened. We went from panic attack to bickering to formalities within five minutes. The whole conversation was a bit disorienting. Still I can't help it, I kind of drool after his retreating form, watching his broad shoulders and muscular arms.

The whole time, I'm hoping he'll turn back around just so I can get a look at his pretty green eyes again.

He doesn't though, so I turn numbly towards the stairs and descend with an unfamiliar ache in my heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hello, everyone! A couple of you are curious, yes, this is my original story. I deleted my stories from my old account a while ago, but just got revitalize d enough to continue. So! New account, new me! Due to this, I will try to post twice during the week, until I'm able to push out a good mount of chapters, then it will slow down. I'm trying to stay motivated with the story, so bear with me! Thanks to all of you who read and review.**

 **Anyway, here!**

 _Chapter 3: Alice and Cookies_

EPOV

I wasn't really trying to sleep; I had been lying awake in my bed for hours. But that didn't mean that I didn't find it annoying. I did, I really fucking did. Mr. Garrett had informed me about a month ago that I was to receive a new neighbor, and although I knew that they couldn't possibly be worse than my last neighbor, Aro, I was extremely apprehensive.

Aro was a raging homosexual from Italy. Not that I gave a shit about his lifestyle, but there's only so much you can take. Like when he decided to have one of those parties that involved whipped cream and techno music and invited a whole bunch of drag queens over in stuffed corsets. The night ended with smashing plates and random people having make-out sessions against my door. Oh, and Aro with a bloody nose, courtesy of me.

He left the next week.

So, it goes without saying that I was extremely hesitant about my new neighbor. When I returned home from hanging out with Emmett and was greeted with both rap music, and crap music, I was very pissed. Pudding was knocked out at the foot of my bed, sleeping like the beast she was. I loved the crap out of her, though, she was my baby, my one and only. Still, I was irritated as fuck at my neighbor, which led me to their door, knocking loudly. I looked down the hall. Did nobody hear this shit? We had few occupants in the apartments, but the ones we did have must have been knocked the fuck out or something. I was kind of jealous of them; I wished I could sleep like them too. If only it was that easy though.

I was extremely unprepared for what I saw in front of me, though I doubt any preparation could have made even the slightest difference in beauty of her. The first thing I noticed about the woman standing in front of me was her eyes. They were large, but not too large, and the color similar Hershey's chocolate, only a bit lighter. She had a slight blush covering her cheeks, full lips, long brown wavy hair and she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life.

Still I let her have it. I cursed, I smirked, and I was a jackass. And Brown Eyes surprised me, when she argued back. The little woman in front of me had a soft voice, but it was firm as she attempted to put me in my place. I was amazed, but I didn't let it show. I'm good at stuff like that, being an asshole. I've had six years to perfect my act, and I'll be damned if I was going to let some insanely gorgeous woman put me in my place. Hell fucking no.

The second day didn't go as I planned though. I was walking Pudding, as I do every morning, when she somehow got lose from my grip. Thank God I was already in the apartments, so I knew she couldn't have gone far. As I jogged up the stairs, I saw Pudding and I saw _her_. Pudding, it seemed, liked her very much which was odd as she usually wasn't all that friendly with anyone but me. We had that in common.

As soon as Brown Eyes asked if Pudding wanted to go with her, I stepped in. I was extremely territorial with things I help dear to me; Pudding was one of those things. I must have scared the crap out of her though, something Esme would have backhanded me for. My gentleman nature began to peek through and I let it, I mean I wasn't going to let her choke to death! I wasn't that heartless, no matter how much of a dick I was.

There was something odd about this brown eyed girl in front of me, and though I tended to stray away from other people, I felt a strange pull toward this girl. It was confusing and I sort of hated it.

Her name was Bella and she had a voice like honey. The name fit her well as she most definitely was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She gave Tanya a run for her money, that's for sure. I think of all this now, as I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. It was only yesterday since I've seen her, and I can't seem to get those pretty brown eyes out of my head.

Suddenly there's a knock at my door. Pudding automatically gets up and starts barking towards the door, a very annoying habit that she has.

"Hush, will you? I'll be there in a minute!" I shout at the door. I'm more surprised than Pudding that I have a visitor, I really don't get them often, unless it's the UPS man or Emmett at my door with a six pack of Jack Daniels. I deserve nothing less though, I am a complete jackass. But I own up to it. As soon as I open the door, a pair of slender arms automatically wraps around my neck.

"Eddie!" And that's the only reason I don't beat the person off with a stick. Her black spiky hair tickles my cheek and for a second I hug her back tightly to me.

"Alice. . . What are you doing here?" I ask into her hair. Soon my cheek becomes wet and I pull her away, wiping the tears from her face.

"I missed you and I was in town," she says, her voice a little uneven. Though she is a little shaken up, her hands automatically go to straighten out her clothes. Classic Alice.

"Which one first?" I ask with a smile.

"Does it matter? I'm here!" she grins a little sadly and pulls me toward the couch. I ease out of her grasp a little to shut and lock the door.

"Want something to drink?" I ask awkwardly, gesturing toward the kitchen.

"Coffee or Red Bull?" she asks, with a hopeful smile. She sits backwards on my couch, resting her chin on the cushions. I can feel her watching me as I move, but I refuse to cry like the little bitch I am. It's been two years since I've seen her last and though the scars are just scabbing over, I guess I need to be strong. A crying Alice is mess, but a crying Edward is. . . not something I want to get into right now. I toss her a Red Bull, which she cranks open and gulps it down like she hasn't drank anything in the last year.

"Ahh," she groans, leaning her head back. The tears are still zigzagging down her cheeks.

"Does -"

"No," she says cutting me off with a shake of her head. "They're not here either."

"Oh," I mumble. I bring a beer with me over to the couch as I flop down beside her. It's quiet for a second and she doesn't say anything, she just crawls closer and lays her hear in my lap.

"Is - "

"No. No, we broke up. Edward you were right, you were so right about him. About everything." I don't say anything.

"I'm so sorry. So damn sorry." I just stroke her hair. She crunches the can in her hands in her tight little fist and begins to cry even harder. Gently I take her hand in mine and pry her fingers from it.

"Shh, it's okay Alice."

"Say you forgive me," she demands, turning her face up to mine. It's a heartbreaking sight. Worse than those ASPCA commercials they show.

"Alice - "

"Jesus Christ Edward! Please, spare me the bad boy act and just fucking say it!" she screams, her hands twisting in my shirt. She's going to stretch it out, and I'm bit surprised at Alice's destruction to my clothes. She takes comfort in clothes; I know that more than anyone else. She clings to them, she hides behind them. Alice is a little, sometimes very helpless girl, and she can hide it from the rest of the world, but she can't hide it from me. I know her like the back of my hand.

"Of course I forgive you Alice, but there is nothing to forgive."

"Yes," she moans into my shirt. She's probably getting snot in it but I don't care. "Yes there is. God, there is. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"Alice - "

"Shut up, Edward." I grunt in response. Alice is probably the only person that could tell me to shut up, without offending me. I have a very soft spot for my cousin, and that soft spot has suddenly made its reappearance. Her hands twine around my neck a little and I hold her as she cries.

After she's gotten it all out, I give her a change of clothes and point to the shower. She grimaces a little, but takes them. I sit back on the couch and think about what just happened. So many of my worries have been lifted from my shoulders in knowing that Alice is safe, that she's moved on at least a little is enough to appease me for a little while. Too soon, Alice is back and shuffling over to my couch. She grabs the remote and flips on the TV, turning to some fashion channel. I roll my eyes and laugh, stripping off my shirt.

"Ooh, some ones been working out." she teases.

"Oh hush," I say laughing. There's a timid knocking at the door and I look over to it, confused. Two visitors in one day? Damn, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought.

"Alice, could you. . .?" She jumps up and skips towards the door. Maybe I shouldn't have given her that Red Bull.

"Eddie! There's a beautiful woman standing at your door with chocolate chip cookies! I'm inviting her in!" she shouts to me. Like a fucking pansy, my heart jerks and I walk into the room with unnecessary speed. Why? I don't fucking know, maybe because I'm a loser and there's a beautiful loser standing at my door…WITH cookies. I'd be a fool to pass that up. I ramble into the room, my eyes flying towards the door.

Bella's standing there, rubbing absently on her arm looking around the place. Her eye's catch mine, sweeping over my chest and she blushes, her eyes turning to the floor.

"Hi?" I say awkwardly, pulling on the shirt that's in my hand.

"I. . .uh, I hope I'm not intruding or anything. I can - I can go. Uh, I just - "

"No, you're not intruding at all!" Alice squeals, placing the cookies on my kitchen island. She grabs one and shoves it in her mouth, barely chewing. "Oh my God! Did you make these? Edward, marry her." She says with a mouthful of mush. I pick up a pillow and chuck it at her. It almost hits her cookie, causing her to hiss. Food and clothes, two things that Alice will cut you over.

"Fatass," I mutter. I look over to Bella, who is blushing like a tomato, only much more adorably. _Adorable? Whoa, slow the fuck down Eddie boy._

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, stepping towards the cookie dish. They're chocolate chip and they look fucking delicious.

"I came to make amends," she says. Bella pauses, blinks and takes a deep breath. I can tell she's either about to let me have it, or apologize. Either way, with how much air she just inhaled, I can tell that it's going to be a long-winded speech. "I feel like we got off to a bad start and - "

"Apology accepted, thanks for the cookies." I don't mean to brush her off, I actually mean to invite her to stay a little longer. Alice shoots me a death glare.

"What he means to say is: would you like to stay for dinner?" Alice says. And I have to hand it to her, for the chatterbox she is, she sure stole the words right out of my mouth. Bella grins, and nods a little.

"If that's okay?" she asks, looking hesitantly over to me. Just before I start to answer, Alice cuts me off.

"Of course it is! I'm Alice, Edwards's favorite cousin." Bella smiles and puts out her hand, but Alice just pulls her in for a hug. Bella giggles.

"Oh. Uh, I'm Bella, Edward's favorite neighbor." I roll my eyes at their formalities and stuff a cookie in my mouth.

"These are fucking delicious," I grunt.

"You're such caveman." Alice teases. "Careful Bella, he might throw you over his shoulder and stake his claim."

And I might.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Sorry! I've been so busy with life! Enjoy, let me know what you think.**_

 _Chapter 4: Vulnerable_

EPOV

"So you have an accent . . . where are you from?" Alice asked, picking with her pizza. She'd been harassing Bella with questions from the moment she agreed to stay for dinner. I didn't really mind at all though, it was a more subtle way of getting to know Bella without actually . . . having to get to know Bella.

"Virginia. Is it that obvious?" she asks with a timid smile, taking a small bite out of her pizza. Bella, I noticed, didn't really like to talk about herself, which sets her apart from most of the girls I know. She was really modest in her answers, blushing throughout most of them. She is even more beautiful when she blushed, her cheeks heat and the blush spreads down her neck. Naturally, I wanted to see how far down it went. Badly.

"Yeah," Alice giggles, chugging back a can of beer. How she managed to laugh and swallow at the same time amazed me. Hell, I was still amazed that she was here in the first place. I mean, two years without contact is a mighty long time. I was beginning to think that I'd never see her again. But then she pops up at my door out of the blue, I'm still a bit disoriented at the thought of it. I mean, I'm glad that she's here, I just . . . feel like there's more to her sudden reappearance than she's letting on.

"It's not as bad as Edward's though. Oh my God, the girls had a field day back in Forks, didn't they cousin?" Alice pretends to stick a finger down her throat. I just shudder, the memory of Jessica Stanley flashing me her pimply tits is forever ingrained in my mind.

"What's Forks?" Bella asks curiously, her brown eyes peeking up at me.

"Nothing worth talking about," I mumble, smearing my pizza crust in ranch. There was absolutely nothing worth my time in Forks. Nor Alice's for that matter. The whole subject of Forks made me feel like dry heaving.

"Ugh, I know right? I'm so glad I don't have to deal with Lauren Mallory and her polyester shirts anymore. She always smelled like salami." Alice wrinkles her nose and grimaces down at the pepperoni on her pizza.

"And catnip," I add with a laugh. Lauren Mallory was the queen bitch back in Forks who had a hard time taking no for an answer. She dumped her lunch tray on me one time, because I told her to go fuck herself when she asked me to prom. What the hell did she expect me to say? She had a giant wart on the top of her lip and I was entirely convinced that it was herpes. Matter of fact, I'm still convinced it is.

"So Bella, tell us more about yourself! Why did you move all the way to New York?" Alice asked with a grin. Alice has had a bit too much beer for the night, if it's not obvious, but I haven't made any move to dissuade her from drinking. It's a sort of tacit peace offering between us, me letting her be her own woman.

Bella bites her lip and looks down for a second and looks down at the table. I watch her intensely as her long eyelashes touch her cheeks, both irritated and amazed at how pretty she is. But what can I say? It's been awhile since I've actually looked at someone worth looking at, thanks to the whole Tanya fiasco.

"I just wanted a change of scenery." She shrugs after a while, his brown eyes big and innocent. You can tell she's trying to avoid the subject on purpose, but Alice being the nosy pixie she is decides to bug her some more. I take another bite of my pizza, trying to appear as if I could care less but I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job.

"So you came all the way to New York?" Alice asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I sort of received a job offer from H&B Imagery." She hedges. This is where I begin to choke. I gag on my pizza crust and turn away from the table, violently coughing into my fist.

"Gosh damn, Edward. You okay?" Alice beats me a couple of times on the back, looking concerned. I nod and wipe my mouth with a napkin.

"Did you say H&B Imagery?" I ask Bella. It's probably the first time I've addressed her since she'd sat down. She looks mildly confused, an eyebrow rising.

"I did . . . why?"

"I work there. I'm one of the lead photographer's in the Scene Department."

"Not to brag," Alice snickers, opening up another can of beer

"Really? Wow. Small world," Bella murmurs.

"Yeah, fucking tiny." I agree, laughing a little.

"You're not my boss or anything are you? If you are, then I guess it's a good thing I brought the cookies." Bella smiles a little uneasily, biting her lip. I laugh at how her voice wavers. I must really make her nervous. Usually I would be pleased with myself about something like this, but somehow I wasn't. I feel apprehensive and like I need to make a better impression, especially under the circumstances.

"Ha, even worse. I'm your new partner." I say with a smirk. Before I can elaborate, Bella cuts me off.

"Partner?" Bella stutters, shrieking a little. This only makes me laugh a bit more because, bless her; she actually looks a little scared.

"Yeah, I must say I'm kind of impressed. . . H&B doesn't really "hire" too often. Hell, I had to bust my ass on the application. You must be really fucking good." Bella blushes and stutters a little, her brown eyes avoiding mine.

"I'm alright, I guess. I was surprised myself when I got the phone call," she murmurs softly.

"I'll bet," I say. Alice burps loudly, interrupting us.

"Whoops, better out than in, I always say." She giggles, before taking a man bite out of her pizza. She's never been this much of a pig before and I briefly wonder how much has changed about Alice since I've seen her last.

"Shrek says that," Bella teases with a grin.

"That's what I said," Alice smiles lazily. "How come you guys aren't drinking with me? I feel like I'm the only one lettin' loose." She pouts.

"Alice, we are drinking. You're the only one ignoring the two liter of Coke on the table and going for the beer." I tease.

"Oh hush shush," she says in a voice that reminds me of Esme. "Drink. With. Me." She even bangs a little fist on the table. Bella laughs, her voice sounding like chimes. I try to ignore that though.

"Here Bella, take one for the team." Alice grumbles pushing a can of beer towards her. I roll my eyes.

"Oh, uhm, I can't- I don't drink," Bella mumbles, rather nervously.

"Don't drink? Don't _drink?_ How in the hell are you 23 and don't drink?" Alice demands. Bella shifts uncomfortably in her seat and looks down.

"I just, uh, I don't –" Bella can't seem to get her words out of her mouth.

"You should! Alcohol makes everything better, Bella. Trust me." Alice takes the beer and opens it, leaning it towards Bella. "Go on, take it." She insists.

"Alice," I chide warningly. "Leave her alone."

"I – I," Bella stutters.

"Bella, the prohibition was in the 1920's! Come on, please? Please _, please_? I don't want to be the only one! Just a sip!"

"Alice – " I start, a little embarrassed at her behavior. Bella is practically inching towards the door. _._

"Shut the fuck up, Edward. I wasn't asking your brooding ass." She says harshly, glaring at me. "Really Bella, it's not that bad! I mean personally, without alcohol I probably would have been dead by now!"

"Alice, that's enough!" I yell.

"I mean, _blue in the face_ dead. _Hanging from a rope by my neck_ , dead." Alice laughs bitterly, and her eyes start to well up with tears. Before she can reach for her drink again, I get up from my chair, pick her up and throw her over my back. I'm trying to ignore Bella's staring. I can feel her eyes burning into my back, but I can't chance looking at her. I can't look at her face because I'm ashamed of what's happening. I'm ashamed that she's seeing how fucked up my family is.

"Put me down! Edward, put me down!" Alice beats her hands on my back roughly, grunting and cussing at me as she tries to get loose. I carry her into my room and drop her on the bed.

Her tears are running freely now, drenching her red cheeks and the sight is almost crippling. She gasps, the tendons straining in her neck as she looks at me helplessly, leans over and buries her face into my comforter and screams, her back arching into the bed and fingers practically ripping my duvet to shreds. Then as if she's out of breath, her body goes limp, and she just lies there, silently shaking.

And then I'm by her side, crawling into bed with her, Bella already forgotten in the kitchen.

"Edward," she sobs into my shirt, as I pull her into me. "I miss him Edward. I'm so broken without him. I don't know what to do,"

And all I can think of to do is to stroke her messy black hair and rock her.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Alice whispers thickly. "Help me."

But I just don't know how.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Here's another!**_

 _Chapter 5: A Kiss That Almost Was_

Back to good ol' BPOV

"Edward! God dammit, put me down!" I hear Alice screech at Edward. A door slams and I wince at the sound of it, my eyes falling down to my plate. To say that I'm surprised is an understatement, but to say that I'm confused is an even bigger one.

In my head, I try to sort out what just happened one by one, but it's hard to do with Alice screaming in the other room…so much for first impressions.

Somehow this night took a turn for the worst, but I can't exactly pinpoint where. Probably around the beer area. I should have just taken this beer in the first place and pretended to drink it. Alice was more than buzzed; she was drunk. She wouldn't have noticed if I only wet my lips. Instead, I just stutter like an idiot, something I tend to do when I'm nervous. I don't know why, but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth, so I ended up gasping like a fish out of water. Thankfully it didn't end up in a panic attack or anything, which it usually does. Now that would have been a first impression. Alice had me beat in the first impressions department though.

When I saw Alice standing in Edward's door way in boxers and an over-sized T-shirt, I was embarrassed. I mean, Alice was drop dead gorgeous and not only was she wearing Edward's clothes, she was wearing his boxers. I should have backed off right there, but when she noticed I had cookies in my hand she yanked me inside.

Then enter a shirtless Edward. I knew I was gawking at him but I couldn't help it. Edward, like Alice, was gorgeous to the nth degree but I never thought that he would be beautiful, you know . . . underneath. Well a little, but I never thought I'd get the chance to see.

I felt awful for intruding on them, assuming that they were a couple. But Alice undid my suspicions when she told me that they were only cousins. I was more relieved than I should have been and Alice flashed me a knowing smile.

Alice was a very likable person and I found myself falling under her charm. She was funny, and although a bit hyper/buzzed, she was fun to be around. There weren't any awkward silences thanks to her, which I was grateful for because although Edward had invited me to stay for dinner, I didn't expect him to strike up a conversation with me. He barely even said anything to me the whole time I was there, but I could feel his eyes on me, causing me to blush throughout the conversation. Every time I'd summon the courage to look up at him, he'd always be studying me intensely. I felt a bit uncomfortable under his gaze, as if he could see right through my charades. It terrified me a little.

Edward was quiet throughout the conversation, only laughing and agreeing occasionally. I didn't really like his lack of conversational skills; I found myself wanting to know more about him, why he was the way he was and how he came to be that way. He wasn't grumpy, but reserved in a way that was both intimidating and irritating at the same time. I learned more about Alice, like how much she loved Red Bull and shopping. Still, I clung to every single detail I could about Edward. I noticed little things, like how much he liked ranch but wasn't fond of vegetables but I also learned other things, like how we were going to be working together.

Obviously, I had a major infatuation with Edward, and this little fact didn't help that at all. This was around the time where Alice had her breakdown. Her drunken confessions worried me and I felt like I was intruding on a family issue.

Now, sitting here at Edward's small kitchen table, I feel like I should leave. Still, I can't get myself to. Instead I find myself cleaning up the table as if I lived here. Edward's flat is much like mine in shape, but that's as far as it goes on similarities. You can tell as soon as you walk in that a guy lives here, it's a bit messy and there's no theme. There's shaving cream on top of the refrigerator.

I dump the picked over pizza in the trash can which thankfully isn't full. I even rinse the ranch residue off of the plates and crunch the pizza box down for recycling. Again, I don't know why I'm doing this exactly but I feel like I owe him something and that's enough reason for me.

"You're still here," I hear him say from behind me. Hesitantly, I turn towards him and meet his green eyes. They aren't red rimmed, but they are a little glossy.

"Yeah, I uh," I take a deep breath feeling the stuttering begin to commence. I feel like an idiot around him and I know that I look like one too. A stupid, bumbling idiot. Ducking my head, I walk towards the door.

"Wait, don't . . . _go_." Edward says, grabbing my wrist. Floods of tingles invade me, nibbling at all the soft spots in my body. He stares at our hands for a second before he drops them.

"Thank you," he says suddenly. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath.

"Uh, no problem. Is . . . she okay?" I ask, jerking my head towards his room.

"Yeah, she's sleeping." I just nod. Although I'm full of questions and very worried about Alice I don't want to pry. "She's had a rough couple of years. Uh, do you want to sit down?"

Edward gestures to a tan scratchy couch to his right. I don't say anything as I sit, I just watch him. His eyes shift all over the place before resting on mine. I bite my lips and look down as a silence settles over us.

"She had a really bad break up. It's not my place to tell you so I won't, I just want you to know that she doesn't usually act like that. I can assure you that she wasn't trying to make you feel uncomfortable or anything - "

"Edward, it's okay. I understand." I say, offering him a small smile.

"You do?" Edward asks, raising his eyebrows. I nod.

"Yeah, people say things when they're drunk. Alice was drunk. It's not her fault." Edward looks at me for a second and for the first time he smiles a real genuine smile. It's small but it has enough impact to make butterflies erupt in my tummy.

"Thank you. I feel like we keep getting off to the wrong start. . ."

"How about we start over?" I stick my hand out and grin. "I'm Bella Swan from Virginia."

"I'm Edward Cullen from everywhere." he says simply, clasping his hand around mine. His hand almost swallows up mine making me laugh as I shake his slightly calloused hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Edward."

"Likewise Bella, likewise." He offers me another genuine crooked smile.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask.

"Depends on what it is," he says, honestly. I shake my head and smile.

"Oh, it's nothing personal. I just want to know about this partner thing. How do you know I'm your partner?"

"Well, as I've said before H&B doesn't hire too often. Once you get in, you usually don't leave. So when someone does leave, in this case my partner Laurent, the spot needs to be filled quickly. As far as I know, there aren't any other positions open, so it's only logical that you're going to be my partner." he finishes.

"Oh", I say dumbly. The thought of working with Edward scares me a little. Suddenly Edward laughs, a deep husky sound that comes mostly from his chest. It's almost a growl. "What?" I ask.

"You look terrified." He says with a chuckle.

"I'm not. . ." I defend weakly.

"You're a terrible liar, Bella." I just shrug. "Look," he says, seriously. "I promise to be a good partner. I take my job very seriously, but I won't be an asshole to you. When you don't deserve it." he adds with a smirk.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means, don't wake me up in the morning blasting horrible music." he teases.

"Horrible music? What's wrong with my music?" I scoff with a smile.

"Its crap." he says simply, shrugging his shoulders. His gray v-neck slides a little over his shoulder and I catch a glimpse of a birthmark. Or a mole.

"Is not!"

"I really didn't see you as a hip hop kind of girl," he muses. "More of the country sort, Zack Brown and Tracy Chapman."

"Eww, no." I wrinkle my nose. "And you judging me before you even know me, Edward." I tease.

"Fair enough. Would it help if I tried to get to know you?" he questions, fiddling with his fingers and looking up at me pensively. I blush a little under his stare.

"I guess, but only if I get to ask you questions too." I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin there.

"Deal," he says with an easy smile, showing all his pretty teeth. He's beautiful all over and I'm a little jealous too. I've never felt so plain in my life. "So twenty questions is it?" I nod.

"How did you get to become a photographer?" he asks.

"Well, I was under a lot of . . . speculation as a kid. I hated being the center of attention, so instead of being the one in the pictures I aimed to be the one taking them. My parents got me a Canon for my twelfth birthday and I haven't put it down since. What about you?"

"Well, my stories a bit like yours actually. My parents got me a camera for my birthday, the ones for kids. I used up all the film by the next day and kept bugging my parents to get it developed. I guess some of the stuff was good because my mom blew some of them up and hung them around the house."

"Aww, that's really sweet." I wish my parents would have taken more of an interest in my work.

"Yeah, they were great."

"Were?" I repeat. I immediately regret it because Edward's face suddenly turns bitter, a deep frown carving into his mouth.

"They died when I was twelve. Funny thing about it was that they died on the way to pick up my developed pictures." He smirks and his jaw tenses up.

"I don't think that's funny at all," I mumble quietly, frowning myself. It wasn't funny at all. Ironic? Well, maybe a little. But nothing was funny about a child losing his parents at such a young age, or period. I was a little offended that he'd thought I'd find that funny. He was my very own Batman.

"I didn't think you would," he mutters a little to himself.

"You're pretty sarcastic about this," I say.

"Naw, really?" he scoffs and smirks in that way that I don't like at all. I start to get up but he catches my wrist again.

"Wait, don't. . . _leave_. I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole, aren't I?"

"Just a smidgen," I shrug. He gives me a halfhearted smile and tugs on my wrist a little. I sit back down.

"That's pretty generous." he murmurs. "So you've heard my sob story, seen my fucked up family, what's wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?" I ask, my hand already flying over my heart. He doesn't seem to notice though.

"I mean, let's even out the score. I don't want to be the only fucked up one here." He reasons.

"I don't think you're. . . Fucked up." I say, blushing.

"If you only knew Bella, tell me something." He urges softly.

"What do you want to know?" I briefly wonder why I'm doing this, why I'm going along with his requests. But all reason fades away as I look up into his green eyes. I simply get lost.

"Tell me. . . tell me why you don't drink." The words leave his lips much softer and huskier, a sign that he's serious.

"It's bad for you," I stutter.

"You said that you can't," he looks me straight in my eyes and it's so intense that I feel like he can see right through me again.

"Huh?" I ask innocently. Edward rolls his eyes a little.

"Earlier. You said that you can't drink. Why?" Who knew that he was paying so much attention earlier? I mean, I could barely get him to engage in the conversation, I never expected him to be paying that much attention to what I'd said. Of course, he hadn't drunk any alcohol so there was no reason he wouldn't have. But still. . .

"You don't have to tell me," he says during my silence.

"No, no. It's okay. I just - "

"Really, it's okay. If it's too personal - "

"I have Tachyarrhythmias." I say quietly, fiddling with my fingernails.

"Say what?" Edward asks, scooting a little closer. He's not being rude or anything, he's simply curious. This is what I get for opening my big mouth in the first place.

"Tachyarrhythmias, Long QT syndrome to be exact. It caused a mutation in my genes which alters the regulation of electric activity in my cardiac cells. I have polymorphic tachycardia which. . . why are you looking at me like that?" Edward's eyes have slowly gotten bigger as I've rambled and he's looking at me in a way that's all too familiar.

"You're sick?" he asks, shifting a little.

"No. Yes. . . a little. But I'm alive, aren't I? I have stuff that keeps me out of the hospital." I mumble, wondering if I'm telling him too much. I look down for the thousandth time that day, my cheeks already heating. I suddenly feel like breaking for the door more so now than ever.

"How? When?"

"Uhm, I used to. . . when I was younger I would black out. A lot. Whenever I was nervous or exercised . . ."

"Oh my god," Edward says, wincing a little. "And I make you nervous?"

"I . . . kind of. You are now." It's true. Way too true.

"Oh my god," he won't stop looking at me and I begin to feel insecure under his gaze, his probing eyes remind me of my mother's friends. They'd used to bring their kids to play with me, and they'd just stare at me all day long. I hated it and Edward's doing it now. I shuffle kind of awkwardly to my feet, heading for the door again. This time I actually touch the door knob.

"Wait!" he yells. And _of course_ I do. "Stop. . . Quit running away from me, Bella. I'm not. . . I won't hurt you." I'm not surprised when he grabs my wrist this time, I expect it. That doesn't mean I don't melt at his touch, because I do. I can't understand his expression; it's familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. His eyes have gotten darker and he's frowning down at me. I want to kiss it away.

"Don't. . . look at me like that." I mumble, trying to wiggle my wrist from his grasp.

"Like what?" his eyes are looking from my lips to my eye and back again. I back away a little.

"Like I'm freak," I whisper, avoiding his gaze. This makes him laugh for a couple of seconds.

"You're laughing?" I ask, half confused and half hurt. Tears begin to smart in my eyes.

"Not at you," He says frowning again.

"Not with me, either." I retort.

"No, I suppose not." he allows.

"Then at what?" it takes him a couple seconds to answer.

"I'm laughing at the situation, I guess. You're almost as fucked up as me." Edward smiles a sad smile.

"Almost," I mutter. Traitor tears are threatening to fall from my eyes, I blink once and they do. Of course they do.

"I've made you cry," Edward states in surprise, leading me toward the couch.

"Not you," I shake my head. "The situation."

"I don't see the difference," Edward mutters, swiping a thumb under my eye and catching a tear. This triggers a blush.

"I do."

"You have an odd view of the world Bella. And people."

"No, I'm just not as sarcastic as you." I say, thickly.

"Fair enough. Sarcasm helps."

"Like alcohol right?" I tease. He laughs a little, a crooked grin flashing on his face. I'm becoming attached to that grin of his.

"With fewer side effects," he mumbles, swiping another thumb under my eye.

"I wouldn't know," I say, sniffing unattractively.

"Don't cry, please." he whispers softly, his voice, just like his eyes, muddle my head a little bit in a really corny, fairytale way. And maybe he is a fairytale. I wouldn't be surprised.

"Okay," I find myself saying. Edward clasps his hands and smiles at me.

"This night has turned into a soap opera, hasn't it?" he jokes lightly.

"Indeed." I agree with a laugh. "At any second David Hasselhoff is going to burst through your door and declare that your test results for some foreign type of cancer came back positive."

"God forbid. You're an odd one, Swan." he laughs.

"Thanks for the reminder Cullen."

"Anytime," he replies with another crooked smile.

"So," I begin nervously. "Friends?"

"I don't know, I'd have to think about it." he smirks.

"Don't take too long," I scoff. "There's a long line behind you."

"I bet," he whispers, causing me to blush. "Friends." He shakes my hand again.

"Cheese and crackers, look at the time!" I exclaim. "It's 1:53!"

"And?" he asks.

"And, I have to go home. You know, shower and sleep."

"Oh," he says a little sadly. Strangely, it sort of pleases me.

"Yeah, but I guess I'll see you tomorrow? Is Alice going to be here?"

"Most likely, why?"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about that," I say, "Just send her over, will you?"

"Sure, okay." He agrees. I nod and get up, picking up my cookie dish off of the island.

"Want the crumbs?" He rolls his eyes at my teasing and walks me to the door. He opens it and I think he's going to say his goodbye's right there, but instead he walks me to my door and waits patiently as I open it.

"Next time, we'll have to have dinner over at your place," he says. His eyes sweep approvingly over my flat screen and decor.

"It's a date," I say it before I realize and Edward chuckles at my blush. "I . . . uh," he shuts me up, placing his hand to my cheek and gazing into my eyes. His have gotten darker, which I notice even with the tacky fluorescence in the hallway. They're like ivy… or some other great, green thing. Ever so slowly he leans in and my breath gets stuck up in my throat. Again. His eyes are glued to my lips and he takes an unsteady step forward. His somehow sweet breath fans across my face, clouding my head for a minute. I don't understand exactly why his breath smells so sweet; we'd had pizza for dinner.

His nose brushes against mines but before our lips connect, I back away and put a finger to his lips, reluctantly.

"Don't," I whisper sadly. Edward takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair, blinking repeatedly the whole time.

"Uh, I didn't, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable - " Edward stutters, a little blush covering his cheeks even though its slight. He's flustered and adorable, I'm a little jealous. "I just- um, I don't know, I-"

"Shh," I say, leaning in on my tiptoes to kiss his stubbly cheek. "Good night, Edward." I say softly, giving him a small smile. He looks a little dazzled, which again flatters me. He nods once, understanding.

"Goodnight Bella," Edward says, stepping back. As I shut the door, I feel a bit sad that the night has come to a close. We've made a peculiar and slightly unorthodox progress to getting to know each other, but knowing that this is just the beginning makes me feel better at once. Also, as beautiful as Edward is, I don't think kissing him is a good idea. Especially with the whole partner thing. In time, I hope, it will be.

After taking a shower, I fall asleep happily. For the first time in a long time I have something to look forward to.

And for the first time ever, I have some _one_ to look forward to.


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6: Warning Labels_

BPOV

 _Beep beep beep_

Damned alarm clock, who thought these up anyway? Waking me up from good dreams. . . The best dreams end too quickly, the nightmares always linger.

I can't exactly remember my dream, but I know it had to do with Edward and sunshine and that's enough for me. I roll over in my bed, burying myself into my duvet and curling into fetal position. Of course, smothering myself in covers doesn't work at all.

I stubbornly kick the covers off of me, staring at my canopy covered ceiling. It had took me forever to put the delicate blue covering in place, in fact I think I grew a couple inches with all the reaching it took but it was definitely worth it. I liked the way it fell from the posts and covered my bed, surrounding me in teal. It made me feel like a princess.

I sit up and stretch, yawning loudly. Oddly I feel rejuvenated, which is a rare feeling I don't often experience in the morning. I'm usually ghastly, growling at the sunlight and threatening the chirping birds or any other sign of life. The mornings were the only time I wasn't shy and embraced my carnal behavior that I bottled up all of the time. It felt good to let things go. But today?

Today, I felt like skipping around and handing out daisies to everyone I came across. And then breaking out to some random dance number by Hall & Oates.

Yeah, today was a good day.

I complete my morning routine with more enthusiasm than necessary, skipping as I go. _Bella_ is rolling her eyes in my head, but I don't care. Edward, Edward, Edward. It just rolls off the tongue.

As I'm making myself an omelet, I hear a knock at the door. And yes, I skip to get that _too_.

Alice is standing at my door with a big platter of cookies, a warm smile gracing her face. She looks much better than she did last night, her hair is neatly pressed, clothes are outstanding and she doesn't have that vulnerable look in her eye. I can't help but giggle at the gesture. Her mouth opens immediately and apologies begin to tumble out in rapid pace.

"Bella, I am so sorry for last night. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or push you to do anything you didn't feel at ease with. I'm really not that much of a bitch, Bella. I am so sorry –"

"Alice, let's just forget it ever happened, alright?" I say with a smile, standing aside to let her in. Alice nods gratefully and for the first time since we've met, she looks a little shy. Nonetheless, she glides into my apartment even though she's wearing four inch heels by the looks of it. She places the cookies on my island.

"So, I made you some cookies. There a little on the burnt side because I didn't know that you were supposed to let them sit. Edward wouldn't try one but I did and they're not so bad. Plus, I think that if you dunked them in milk that they'll be fine. They might even soften a little." She shrugs.

"So you think," I tease, picking up one and knocking it on the counter. It doesn't break or crumble at all. It stays completely solid. It's like concrete.

Solid, edible, concrete. I figure I'll try one for her sake.

"Don't knock it until you try it," she giggles, climbing on top of one of my booths. And I do mean climb.

"I'm actually glad I did. You should add a warning label in the future or something." I say, gesturing towards the cookie. "Danger. Will break teeth." Alice rolls her eyes but laughs. I pour her a glass of milk, because I already have mine.

"Wow, I really like your apartment Bella. Did you pick these out yourself?" she ogles my décor much like Edward had. I look down and blush.

"Actually, I just saw it in a magazine and ordered it. Favorite color." I shrug.

"Well, I still like it. Holy shit, where'd you get these?" she gestures to the pictures on my wall. Now I really bush.

"Oh, uh. I took those. Photographer, remember?"

"Hot fucking damn, you're really good!" she exclaims. I shake my head and laugh, her word choice is amusing. Maybe I'll learn from her.

"Thanks," I mumble. She's looking at one in particular; it's of a trail on my grandma's farm. The lighting is dark, contrasted and dimmed so it's black, white and gray. It took me forever to get that one shot and even longer to enlarge it. It's one of my favorites and probably the one I treasure the most because it's all I have left of my grandmother. She passed away two years ago.

"No, I mean it Bella. You're really good. You give Edward a run for his money."

"Speaking of which, where is Edward?" I ask, picking at my omelet and looking down as the blush covers my cheeks. He is my favorite change of subject.

"Walking Pudding." She looks at me and grins suddenly. "You like him, don't you?"

"What?" I ask innocently, looking up at her. "Of course not." Alice rolls her eyes at me and tries to break her cookie in half. It takes a lot of effort but when she does, crumbs fly this way and that, some landing in my omelet. I snicker as she dunks it in her milk and begins to talk.

" _Where's Edward_?" she imitates in a breathy country accent, batting her eyelashes.

"I do not talk like that!" I shout with a laugh, but to my dislike my accent comes off way thicker than it usually does.

"Okay, maybe not exactly but you act like that." She allows with a shrug.

"Do I really?"

"Yes, and you can hide that blush all you want Bella, nothing gets past me." She says smugly, with a mouth full of cookie.

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter.

"Bella," Alice starts off. Her voice has grown serious, all joking brushed aside for the moment. "May I be blunt about something?"

"Uh, sure." I mumble, a little nervous.

"Edward isn't ready for a relationship." Alice tries to say it as gently as she can, but that doesn't soften my disappointment any. _What did you expect? You're not either._ Bella mumbles in my head.

"Oh," I say, nodding slowly.

"God, that came out brusquer than I intended. What I mean is that Edward's been through some really . . . difficult things. He's struggled a lot,"

"He told me a little bit about his past last night. How his parents died." I mumble.

"It goes way deeper than that Bella," she says softly. "He's . . . recovering from some things. It's not my place to tell you so I won't. But I just don't think that . . . having a relationship would be good. For him. Not now, anyway. I mean, I haven't seen him for a couple years and he may have gotten healthier –"

"Healthier?" I repeat. Alice's eyes go big, like she's said too much. She may have. Was Edward sick? Did he have a condition like me? Was he okay? My mind practically goes a mile a second with questions. It's amazing how much I care.

"Crap," Alice mutters to herself. "Don't ask don't tell, okay Bella? Edward's really private and keeps his business to himself. Just –"

"Okay," I say nodding. "I get it Alice."

"Bella, I don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything –"

"You're not Alice," I assure her. "People have secrets. I get your trying to look out for your cousin. Honestly, friendship is all I can handle right now too." I blush.

"You're really great, Bella. You know that right?" Alice smiles up at me softly. "I wish people were as accepting as you all of the time."

"Alice," I begin, what is it with the Cullens' and making me blush? Damn them.

"And so modest!" she says with a gentle laugh. "So what are you doing today?" she asks. I really grateful for the subject change. Any more blushing and my head might explode.

"Oh, nothing really. I was probably going to hang around here for today." I shrug.

"Bella, you live in New York! You can't stay in the house all day! Come on, I want to take you out." Alice stands up and grabs her bag.

"Wait, right now?" I ask, looking down at my omelet and outfit. I still have on my pajamas, for Christ sake!

"There's no time like the present!"

"But Alice, I'm not even dressed!" I say gesturing to my clothes with a laugh. She looks at me and purses her lips, nodding.

"Oh, yeah. Well then get dressed! And hurry up too, I haven't got all day."

"Its 1:03," I point out, jerking my thumb to the clock on the wall.

"And time waits for no one! Come on, get a move on Bella." She says excitedly, pulling me out of my seat. Alice is a jumpy little thing, but it's very refreshing, if not slightly annoying.

"Apparently you don't either," I snicker, putting my plate in the sink. I'd do the dishes later.

"My, my you catch on quickly," Alice giggles, picking up another cookie. I don't know how she can eat those things, after a bite of just one of them I couldn't do another. Either she's trying to protect her ego by eating them or she has teeth of steel.

It doesn't take me that long to pick out my clothes; I simply pull out some black skinny jeans and a brown over-shirt. I brush my hair into a ponytail and slip into some converse. I'm back in the living room in six minutes. Alice's eyes bug out of her head.

"What the hell are you wearing?" she says, sneering at my outfit.

"Uh, clothes?" they called them clothes in New York, didn't they? Yes? Then why was she looking at me like I was naked.

"Oh no, no, no. My darling Bella. These are not clothes. These are scraps." She walks around me, inspecting and prodding at my outfit. I roll my eyes and sigh.

"I just bought these!"

"Where? K-Mart?" she scoffs. I don't answer her which makes her laugh even more.

"Bella, you have got a lot to learn. But it's okay; I don't mind helping someone in need." She grins.

"Even if they're unwilling?" I tease.

"Unwilling my ass. You need me, admit it."

"I refuse," I say stubbornly.

"Denial," she sings, as she waltzes out of my door. I laugh and grab my leather jacket, from the coat rack. Alice can diss all my other clothes, but this is the one thing I'm not giving up. It's warm and smells like peaches.

"Hey _Eddie,"_ I hear Alice say as I lock the door. I turn hesitantly towards his direction. He's wearing a light weight brown jacket and long basketball shorts. His hair is wind blow and his cheeks are a little rosy. He's been running. "Hey Pudding," Alice says, leaning over a little to pet her. I barely even noticed Pudding; she's been MIA since I've seen her last.

"I really wish you wouldn't call me that," Edward says. His voice is gruff but it elicits a tumbling in my tummy that's become way too familiar.

"Get used to it, Eddie boy." Alice giggles.

"Hi," I say softly, my voice somehow stuck in my throat. Ugh, I sound like a toad. He just nods in my direction and tugs Pudding's leash. Before I have a chance to even _think_ of something to say, Edward's gone.

 _One step forward, two steps back._


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7: Shopping with Alice_

"Alice, please. My feet hurt." I whined slumping behind her. I'm finding it hard to keep up with her pace; she'd been prancing around ever since we left the apartment complex. And that was five and a half hours ago.

FIVE.

And her energy hasn't wavered in the slightest; she's like the energizer bunny that had one too many Red Bulls. It's becoming a bit annoying and I swear, if she wasn't so talented in the shopping department I would have hailed a cab, hours ago, and left her happy butt at Bloomingdales.

"My feet hurt," Alice mimics in a high country accent.

"Alice." I say, stopping and crossing my arms. I'm really tempted to just drop down on the floor of this shop – or boutique as Alice calls it – and protest. All this market hopping is giving me whiplash and between the register and the dressing room, I'm fairly sure Alice has seen my Scooby Doo undies.

"Sorry," she says, sounding a bit more sincere. "Want to stop and get something to eat?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. I need me some energy. How do you manage to stay so . . ."

"Peppy?" She fills in with a grin. I was going to say something along the lines of "hyper" and "cracked out" but I guess that'd do.

"Sure. . . "

"Red Bull is my best friend." She gushes. "Well, that and anything else that gives me a buzz." We walked over to the cashier who rings up our stuff quickly. I swipe my credit card and punch in my pin like it's nothing. And fortunately, it _is_ nothing. With Alice around I am making good use of my funds. I was originally going to use some of the money for a dark room for my photography and I probably will, but for the moment my funds are spent on clothes and anything else Alice can get her jumpy little hands on.

"That explains the height," I snicker, patting her head. She ducks away from my hand and sticks out her tongue before grabbing the bags and waltzing toward the door with her nose in the air. We have about nine bags each and Alice is practically carrying her own weight, but it doesn't seem to slow her any. I'm guessing this is normal for her.

"What do you want to eat?" she asks.

"Mm, how about some Mexican food?"

"OOH! There's a Dos Caminos on West Broadway, how about that?"

"I've never been, but okay." I agree, struggling with my bags. You'd think they'd have weights in them the way I was holding them.

"Fucking yes. I want some of their enchiladas so frikin' bad right now." She moans, bouncing on the tip of her toes as she hails a cab. I can't help but laugh at the sight of her; she's gesticulating all over the place like one of those wacky inflatable tube things. When we finally get one, she clears her throat, straightens her clothes and turns her nose back in the air. This only makes me laugh harder.

"Well do you want to eat or not?" Alice scoffs, holding the door open for me. I giggle and nod before sliding in.

"And where do I have the pleasure of taking you two beautiful young ladies?" the cabbie asks as Alice slides in. He has long blonde straggly hair and is pretty decent looking except for the goatee.

"Dos Caminos on West Broadway." Alice sneers.

"Ah, so you're into Mexican food, eh? I'm three fourths Mexican!" he comments with a sly grin, sitting up in his seat to look at us in the rear view mirror. This makes me giggle, which I try to cover up with the back of my hand because one, it's such an odd thing to say and two, he has blonde hair and blue eyes so he's probably lying through his teeth. It _is_ be possible to be three fourth Mexican and have such traits but I've never seen such a thing. _That's because he's one fourth lying, Bella_ snickers in my head. Alice doesn't respond, she just props her elbow on the door and sits her head on her fist, properly ignoring him.

"Maybe I could take you out some time and –"

"No, thanks." Alice cuts him off.

"Aww, don't be like that. I'm just trying to be a gentleman –"

"I _said,_ no thanks." She repeats in a much firmer voice. _SNAAAP, Bella_ cackles in my head. I'd really have to get rid of her, either that or come up with a nickname because she obviously can't have mine.

"Well, what about your friend? I'm sure she wouldn't mind being wined and dined by harmless old James, now would you sugar?" he grins, his eyes flicking to mine in the mirror.

"Oh, uhm –"

"Homie hopping now, James?" Alice asks with a smirk.

"What?" I ask, laughing. Alice ignores my sniggering and continues to glare at James.

"Of course not! I'm a sharing man." James says with a creepy smile, his voice full of insinuation that I'm trying to ignore.

"I have mace," Alice declares suddenly, reaching for her bag. She makes a show of sifting through it and the look on James face is, how do you say? Priceless.

"Backing off." James grumbles, his eyes returning back to the road. I busy myself with looking through my bags and hiding my giggles but it's extremely hard. Alice smacks my shoulder a few times. When we arrive at our destination, James turns around and puts his arm around the headrest, tapping his fingers as he waits for his pay. Alice beats me to paying him, pulling money out of her purse and throwing it at his face. I doubt it was the right amount, but I don't blame her. Harassment is cheap.

As soon as we get out of the cab I burst out into giggles, clutching my stomach. Alice laughs too, but tugs me by the hand and pulls me inside and the change of scenery quiets me down. A little. It's a nice place, Mexican themed art pieces and wild colors all over but it fits perfectly though.

We shuffle a little awkwardly to a booth by the window and sit our bags down beside us. A tall pretty waitress comes to us almost immediately, smiling at us brightly.

"Hi! My name is Heidi and I'll be your waitress today. Can I start you off with drinks until you figure out what to order?" Heidi asks, handing us our menus. She seems overly enthusiastic but nice none the less.

"I'll have a raspberry iced tea, please."

"Hm, when does happy hour start?" Alice asks, flipping through the menu.

"Uh, not until eight." Heidi replies with an easy smile.

"Right," Alice mutters. "I'll have a sprite."

"Okay! I'll be back in a short moment!"

"Do you know what you're going to order?" I flip through the menu, trying to make sense of what everything is, as most of its in Spanish. Thank god for pictures.

"Enchilada de Camerones. What about you?"

"Uhh, these fish tacos look absolutely mouthwatering. . . I'll get that." This makes Alice giggle for some reason unbeknownst to me and she clears her throat afterward.

"What?"

"Oh nothing," she sings with a mischievous grin. I'm about to push her more but Heidi arrives in that exact moment with our drinks. She takes our orders with a grin and asks us if we need anything else.

"I'm excited," Alice says as Heidi walks off. "I haven't had good Mexican food in a while."

"Me neither. Back in Virginia, the closest thing we had to quality Mexican food was Del Taco.

"Oh, eww." Alice wrinkles up her nose. She obviously doesn't favor fast food chains. "Other than the occasional dining at The Lodge, my mom cooked all our meals. I pity you."

"I said we had Del Taco, not that I ate it." I giggle, taking a sip of my tea.

"Mmhm, whatever you say, Bella." I roll my eyes, but smile. I had ate there once, and only once because my mom forbid it, saying that it wasn't good for me and that I was going to end up in an early grave. It was a verbal lashing of sorts that only lasted for a moment, but I never ate there again.

"Was your mom a good cook?" I ask her. Alice's features go soft for a minute and you can tell she's reminiscing of some home cooked meal.

"She's the best," Alice replies thoughtfully, fiddling with her straw.

"Miss her?"

"Oh yeah," Alice says with a drawn out sigh. "Life has kept me busy, work too, for that matter."

"Yeah? What do you do anyhow?" the way Alice's features lightens up brings a smile to my face, her enthusiasm is tangible. As she goes on to explain that she'd been in Paris for the last year and a half, interning for some fashion designer I laugh.

"What?" Alice asks. Our food has arrived by now and Alice is diving right into it, talking with food in her mouth. It's a really gross habit that she has but it's sort of amusing at the same time. Alice is really classy on the exterior, but when you dig a little deeper you find that she's the complete opposite; she burps, curses like a sailor and has horrible table manners. I think I love her for it though.

"Nothing, it just explains so much." I giggle, taking a bite of my taco.

"Yeah, well Ms. K-mart, you gotta admit, I picked out some pretty awesome stuff for you." She smiles and waggles her eyebrows at me. I take a bite out of my taco, refusing to boost her ego in any way. "I'll take your silence as a confirmation."

"Take it as a nothing," I mumble, covering my mouth as I speak, hoping she'll catch on to my table etiquette.

"Maybe," she says, smirking through another mouthful. "We can go to Victoria's Secret next. Pick you out some underwear without cartoon characters on it. Maybe some sexy panties?" she suggest rather loudly.

I practically choke on my food.

"I knew it!" I shout, the table next to us glancing our way. "I knew it." I say again in a quieter voice.

"Knew what?" Alice snickers, taking a sip of her drink.

"Keep your eyes off my knickers." I warn, pointing a nacho at her. "I mean it."

"Please? You need new undies, Bella. Don't be so – "

"I'll have you know me and my undergarments are doing just fine, thank you." I reply haughtily, my nose in the air.

"Scooby's face is fading away." She points out, laughing. "But okay, if you want raggedy drawers that's on you. Good look getting laid."

"I wouldn't have to worry about that," I murmur, blushing. Alice smiles softly at me.

"Still got your V-card, I take it." I nod. "That's good. You hold onto that—nonrefundable ticket." Alice says gently, and lack of a better adjective, a bit bitterly. Her eyes fall down to her platter, her mouth turning downwards as that look from last night resurfaces as she tugs on her jacket sleeve. She looks like one of those sad angels you see in paintings, the ones that make you want to cry. I rack through my head for a change of subject, to lift the tension in the air. When in doubt when it comes to Alice, go with fashion.

"We'll do undies some other time. But for now, let's just focus on the exterior 'kay?" I suggest, giving her a small smile. Somewhere in that sentence I realize that I'm giving into her but I figure it's worth it if it makes her happy. What's the worst that could happen anyway?

"Okay." She sighs, halfheartedly. She sits up a bit straighter and her eyes rise hesitantly to mine, her eyes still big but not as vulnerable as before. I stick my tongue out at her and thankfully she smiles, the tension going away.

"I think I know what look you're going for Bella." Alice says.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" I ask taking a sip of my soda.

"Comfortable."

"Ah Alice, spot on, spot on." I say with a fake British accent.

"I always am, _dahling_." Alice replies with a smirk. Her eyes briefly go unfocused for a while, a susceptible bleak expression coming across her face as if she's remembering something. "Sometimes, at least." She adds.

Later, when we're finished with our food and Heidi comes back, I insist on paying the bill. Heidi stands idly by, a hopeful smile on her face and when I give her a gracious tip, in which she smiles even brighter.

"Have a _great_ day!" she exclaims as we walk away.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Hey guys, sorry about the lapse in uploading. Forgive me?**

* * *

 _Chapter 8: Swiss Cheese_

 _Edward's POV_

"What the fuck? That shit was fair!" Emmett screeches, throwing his hands in the air and knocking over his beer in the process—the last beer, if I may add.

"God dammit, Emmett! That was the last one, you fucker." I shove his arm, but the attempts are in vain as he doesn't even move an inch. I doubt he even felt it.

"Bad call blue! Fucking ASS!" He goes on to rant about some other things and I'm tempted to ask if he kisses his mother with that mouth. But that'd be a stupid question because he does, and Ms. Abigail doesn't mind it in the slightest. She thinks it adds to his "character".

"Run Polanco! Fucker can't even pickle, what the . . ." I chuckle, and grab a Dorito. Emmett is entertaining me more than the game is.

"Out? OUT? What the fucking shit? He was totally safe, blue!" He shouts, spit flying out of his mouth and some Dorito debris as well.

"They can't hear you Emmett," I snicker, downing the rest of my beer. I stare at it for a second, irritated that it's gone and feeling like I should have savored it a bit more.

"Shut the fuck up, E." Emmett grumbles, running a paw through his curly hair. Should I tell him that he has orange crumbs in his hair? I think not.

"You're the one screaming like a little bitch," I point out. He turns to me and glares at me menacingly. I'm expecting him to snap his teeth at me but instead he just smirks.

"Why can't you just enjoy baseball like a normal American?" He asks.

"I prefer contact sports, myself." Emmett's eyebrows raise at my comment, and I can tell he's dying to argue that baseball is indeed a contact sport, but I quickly begin talking, nipping that thousand hour long conversation in the bud. "But excuse me for not conforming to society."

"You're excused. At least you like pizza."

"And beer, beer in which is all over my fucking carpet. Towels hanging on the oven." I grab another Dorito and snickrer as he walks into the kitchen to grab it like a fucking housewife. Meanwhile, the Phillies bring in two home runs, effectively brightening Emmett's mood. He drops the towel on the wet part of the carpet, steps on the towel and moves it back and forth with his foot.

This is how men cleaned things.

"Happy now?" Emmett asks, kicking the towel upwards and catching it. Like a fucking child, he snaps it at me, barely reaching the tip of my nose. I flinch, memories of High school gym resurfacing in my very sober mind. Gym. Locker picking. Narcotics. Cringe.

And it's time to think of something else.

Beer. Yeah, beer.

"Fuck no, my carpet may be semi clean but I still don't got any beer." I grouch.

"Don't you have Red Bull in your fridge? Make that shit work." He shrugs, flopping back down on the couch.

"No, that's Alice's shit. And are you seriously comparing that shit to beer, Emmett?" I pop another chip in my mouth, and wince. That crap Alice called a beverage was fucking repulsive. Tastes like Tanya's mouth in the morning. From my peripherals I see Emmett grinning that big goofy grin of his.

"Ah yes, Alice. That beautiful cousin of yours. Tell me Edward, is she single? 'Cause it's been a while." Emmett says, nodding emphatically. Now, I know he's kidding but that doesn't stop my reaction.

"I'll string you up by the fucking balls, say I won't." I growl, narrowing my eyes. Emmett may be huge as fuck, but that doesn't mean that I won't lay his ass out.

"Noted." he says, and it sort of sounds like how that Quagmire dude from Family Guy says "alright". I can't help but laugh at the comparison between the two. They both have a lot in common, at least when it comes to girls. But lately Emmett's been pining after this girl named Rosalie who's a receptionist at H&B, a girl who won't give him the time of day or a second glance. Emmett thinks she's appealing somehow, but I think of her as a straight up bitch; a bitch with an amazing rack, which is deemed fake in my book.

"Where is she by the way? I'm dying to meet her." He over exaggerates the last part and seems only mildly interested in her whereabouts but I answer anyway.

"She's out shopping with a friend." I say, swallowing thickly. Bella's face pops into my head among other things I try push away, with her pretty brown eyes and freckles.

"Oh," Emmett turns to me, more interested now that there's a friend. "So there's a friend? Is she single?"

"Emmett, can you, for a second, stop trying to find someone to stick that baby-carrot-sized organ you call a dick into?" I roll my eyes, trying to unclench my jaw.

"See someone's already called dibs. . ." Emmett comments with a sly, knowing grin. I kind of want to throttle him, an expression that is common when I'm with his crazy ass. "Is she pretty?"

Pretty? Doesn't fucking cover it.

"She's out of your league." I offer, halfheartedly. And also, out of mine. As something else on the TV catches Emmett's attention, I chew that over.

Bella's sweet, selfless, and pretty easy to get along with. She doesn't judge someone for their mistakes, or lash out at me when I treat her like shit, which might also make her an idiot. She's patient and. . . nice. For Christ's sake, she baked me cookies after I was a total jackass to her. She's sort of perfect from what I can tell. Well, okay not perfect.

But my point is that we're too different.

I'm harsh. I never smile at anyone unless I want to get something out of them, I never hold the door open for women or go out to drink with my coworkers, and unless you're family or someone whose ass I have to kiss, I don't give a fuck about you. Emmett's an exception.

I met Emmett during a drunken bar fight. Some guy was pushing himself way too hard on this girl who looked like she was about to pass out from all the liquor she'd consumed. Fucker reminded me of Felix, the girl reminded me of Alice. She'd been trying to push him away but he wouldn't budge so I intervened. The guy ended up with a broken nose, black eye and a busted lip. Maybe a missing tooth. Emmett, who was the security guard at the time, pulled me outside. He asked if I knew karate and what I thought of OJ Simpson and about two minutes later we were friends. Afterward he took my picture and told me that I could never come to that club again.

That pretty much sealed the deal of friendship.

The pounding of the door makes me jump, as most things do these days. I get up and get it, rolling my eyes because Alice is beaming up at me with a billion shopping bags in her hand. Bella's behind her with bags as well and the look on her face makes me smirk. She looks like she's about to die from exhaustion. My brain points out that may actually happen.

"Hey Eddie!" Alice sings, pushing me aside as she waltzes in, dropping the bags by the table.

"Hey," I greet, standing aside to let Bella in. She's chewing nervously on her lip and avoiding eye contact with me. The familiar little blush of her cheeks faintly covers up her freckles, and I wonder what the hell she's thinking about to make her blush so hard.

"Hi."

"Well, hello ladies!" Emmett shouts from the couch, turning around and smiling at them.

"Hey! You must be Emmett," Alice says, prancing forward to shake his hand.

"The one and only. And who might you be?" Emmett asks, his eyes shifting over to Bella's. She's standing awkwardly to the side, gnawing on that full bottom lip of hers that I almost kissed the other day. Emmett walks around the couch, reaching for Bella's hand. She hesitantly places it in his, blushing furiously as he bends over to kiss it.

Something warm flutters in my stomach and I frown at the feeling of envy.

"I'm Bella." She smiles at him, a pink tint still in her cheeks.

"Well it's lovely to meet you, Bella." He grins, patting her hand.

"Laying it on a bit thick, aren't we Emmett?" Bella asks with a smirk, slipping her hand out of his. His jaw drops on the floor at her call-out and so does mine. Alice just rolls her eyes. Bella's sass has returned and I've missed it.

"Is it working?" Emmett smiles a hopeful smile, wagging his eyebrows. Bella giggles and shakes her head.

"Whoa, that's never happened before. Something must be wrong with you." I snicker.

Emmett mumbles, grinning. He reaches a paw out to ruffle her hair, a bold thing for him to do.

Bella laughs, a soft sound that makes my stomach cramp up, and ducks out of the way with a soft grin on her pretty face. She never ceases to surprise me. Other girls would have thrown a piss fit if someone mussed up their hair, but not Bella. Her hair sort of falls over her face and she sweeps it away with a huff and a hand.

I'm slowly starting to realize that she's not like most girls. And maybe I like that. But I shouldn't.

"Or maybe I'm normal, and you're just losing your charm?" Bella suggests.

"Not humanly possible." Emmett rebutts, and turns back around on his heels to flop on the couch. The creaking sound my couch makes causes me to cringe, and I shoot him a warning glare to take it easy before he breaks my shit up. Not that I'd object, he can if he wants —he's just going to have to buy me a new one.

"You're not human," I add with a smirk. "You're a man-bear-pig."

"Aha! But I am a man. I'll take that."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Who the fuck touched my stash?" Alice screeches from the kitchen, half of her body inside.

"Dang, Alice. Loud much?" Bella asks, turning her finger in her ear.

"Fuck you Bella," Alice grumbles, ripping a RB from the pack. "I need my caffeine. Honestly, you should know this by now." Bella snickers, rolling her eyes as she hops onto a stool. Alice sighs and tips her head back as if she's taking a shot. Red Bull and alcohol aren't that different when it comes to Alice. She inhales that shit just the same.

"So, may I ask what you ladies were shopping for?" Emmett asks from beside me, only half interested.

"Not panties, I can tell you that," Alice mutters under her breath. Bella's head whips to Alice and her face turns impossibly red.

"Alice!" Bella shrieks, her jaw dropping to the floor.

"What?" Alice asks, innocently. "We didn't. Because someone's a little attached. . . " she mumbles into her can.

"Attached to what?" Emmett asks, his eyebrows shooting to the ceiling. He couldn't possibly be more interested in the topic, and I can't blame him one bit; Bella in underwear is quite an mental image. We are men, we can't help it.

"Oh my God, I'm going home." Bella mumbles, her eyes on the ground as she hops off the stool.

"Aww Bella, come on! We're just kidding!" Alice exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. "Right Edward?"

"I didn't say shit, leave me out of it."

"Ugh, ever the social butterfly, aren't you Edward?" Alice wrinkles her nose up at me.

"Fuck you," I mutter, shoving a chip in my mouth. Alice and her snarky ass comments are starting to bug the fuck out of me. I can barely tell if we're on good terms or not, because they'll come up out of nowhere. Her fucking mood swings are giving me whiplash. The funny thing about it is that she has nothing to be so prissy about. Anymore, at least.

Fucking Felix.

If I ever catch him on the fucking streets. . .it's a done fucking deal. He's a dead man walking.

"Fuck you," Alice mutters back before turning towards Bella, who's shuffling toward the door, her bags knocking against her ankles. "Do you need help picking out your outfit for tomorrow or anything?"

"Uh, no. I think I'll be good." Bella smiles, her freckles returning. "Thanks for today, Alice. I had a lot of fun."

"Me too," Alice smiles back. "Good luck tomorrow!"

"What's tomorrow?" It's not Emmett this time, it's me.

"Work, Edward." Alice grumbles. "She starts tomorrow, remember?"

"Uh fucking, no?" I grunt to Alice. "I don't. She never told me."

"Oh, um yeah." Bella says, looking up at me nervously from under her eyelashes. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay. Well, uh do you want a . . . you know, tour or some shit? I can err, show you around if you'd like." I offer. I don't know exactly know why I offer her a tour. It hadn't been my plan at all. It and sort of just slipped from my mouth. I mentally chastise myself, knowing that despite our "partnership", I should maintain a distance with this beautiful brown haired girl in front of me. The consequences . . . It isn't worth it.

"A t-tour?" Bella repeats, unsure. "If it's not too much trouble. . . I'd, uh, really appreciate that."

And I smile at her.

"Knock on my door at ten, kay?"

And she smiles back.

"Okay," Bella says, shuffling out of the door with soft smile on her lips.

And for a moment, it feels worth it.

{~'~}

"We need to fucking talk." I say to Alice as soon as Bella's out the door.

"Later, Edward." Alice mumbles, pushing past me. Silly Alice, she thought she was going to have a choice.

"Not later, Alice. Fucking now."

"You have company," she says, pursing her lips. At that moment I remember that Emmett is there, which is weird because he's shouting at the TV.

"Emmett," I say. But of course he's too involved in the game, right?

"Emmett!" I call again, my voice rough.

"What, bro?" He groans, rolling his big ass head to make eye contact with me.

"Out."

"What?"

"Out!"

"But - !"

"Fucking out, man!"

"God damn it, Edward! Shit was getting good!" He grumbles, but he doesn't press the issue. He just packs up his shit and leaves. That's one of the good things about Emmett; he may be annoying as hell but he can take a fucking hint.

Sometimes.

I'll call him later.

"See ya." I say to him, and then to Alice: "What the fuck is your problem?"

She's sitting on my island with her arms stubbornly crossed over her chest.

"Don't have one."

"Bull fucking shit Alice! Are you mad at me or some shit? You on your period? Because I have no fucking idea what the hell your problem is."

"What?" Alice screeches, her face turning red.

"You know what. You just. . . I'm trying to be cool with everything Alice, but you're making it real fucking hard."

"I don't mean to," she mumbles.

"Well, please, tell me what your intentions are exactly because I'm fucking confused."

"I'm just. . . "

"I mean, I forgive you and welcome you back with open fucking arms, and you just give me attitude twenty four fucking seven!"

"I know—"

"No, Alice! You think you know shit, but you fucking don't! Christ, you're just. . . so fucking young!"

"I'm twenty-two!"

"And you don't know shit! You can't keep—I mean, just . . . fucking. . .

"What Edward?" Alice asks. I'm becoming tongue tied and my words are running together, spit flying this way and that. I could really use a fucking cigarette right now.

"What, Edward?"

"You fucking left me hanging, Alice."

And there it is. The first admission, and the first weight lifted from my shoulders. My chest loosens a little.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"You can't forgive me, can you?" She asks, her voice cracking with emotion. She tugs on her sleeves and continues to avoid eye contact with me and I so badly want to say that I can forgive her. But I can't.

"No."

Not yet, at least.

"I know." she says, sniffling. The first tear, the second, the fifth. . . they blend and run like a gentle Niagara down her cheeks. I sort of hate myself for saying that, for saying no and not forgiving her. But I can't.

"I had no one, Alice. No one. I turned eighteen and I had to move out. They ostracized me and you let them."

My chest loosens some more.

"I fucking stood up for you. I was the only one who noticed you coming home with bruises and cuts on your body. I was the only who fucking noticed when your smiles started disappearing, when you started disappearing. Me. I was there for you. And you fucking shut me away."

Release.

"And you were the one who told them to press charges when I ripped him away from you in the backyard. When I beat him like he beat you. Even when you left Felix, you had Carlisle and Esme. You know what I had?"

And to obliterate the balloon:

"Fucking heroin. Heroin and Tanya. And you know what? It didn't compare. It doesn't. It fucking sufficed at the time but . . . the loss of you . . . the loss of everything, it left me with holes. And scars, just like the ones on your wrists. It left me with these."

And I rolled up my sleeves to show her the marks, the ugly purple scars that decorate the crease of my elbow. Battle scars that left me with new holes.

I'm like Swiss Cheese.

And Alice just stares.

And the pressure slowly builds up again.

* * *

 **AN: Thoughts? Does this explain Edward's actions?**


	9. Chapter 9

**_AN: Dedicated to that one guest reviewer, that held me accountable, and made me feel like shit. You're right. I suck. And I'm sorry._**

 _Chapter 9: Mornings_

Bella POV

" _And orphans have special needs_." Johnny Depp whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my skin. I giggle in a voice that isn't my own, but the specifics of this dream don't bother me.

"Only outside the shirt, okay?" I giggle again, pulling him close. He opens his mouth, and I hope that maybe it's to kiss me, but it isn't.

 _"Brown girl in the ring_

 _Tra la la la la_

 _There's a brown girl in the ring_

 _Tra la la la la la."_

No! _God, no_!

 _"Show me the motion_

 _Tra la la la la_

 _Said, show me the motion_

 _Tra la la la la la."_

Johnny Depp was slipping away from me slowly, much to my dismay. The music began to blast from out of nowhere, sending vibrations all around us and blurring his pretty face.

And it was the good Johnny Depp face—the sexy one from Crybaby.

Swoon.

"Johnny! Come back!" I shouted, reaching out for him. He had his hair done in that way that reminded me of Hairspray, his pouty lips smirking at me crookedly as his face rippled away.

" _But there's a brown girl in the ring,_ " he sang to me, winking and flashing me one of those knee wobbling smiles.

"What?" I asked, confused. What brown girl and why did that sound so familiar? "Johnny!" I shouted, reaching for his face for some reason. It only rippled and spiraled some more, while him and everything else distorted into some psychedelic fantasy.

 _Beep!_

 _Beep!_

 _Beep!_

Yeah, I hated the mornings.

{~'~}

Though the morning was as sucky as usual, I was still excited for today. How could I not be? Today I started the first day of my career at H&B Imagery, one of the most prestigious photography corporations in the world, or at least, in mine. H&B rarely hired, as Edward had told me, there were little to no job offerings there, unless you considered janitorial services. And he was right when he said I must have been good; I was extremely fortunate to be accepted into the world of H&B—or any world at all, after shutting myself away from it for so long.

Just nine months ago I was small town Isabella, who never spoke out of turn or back-talked her parents. I never cursed, I didn't have any friends and didn't do anything outgoing, which for me was sneaking a Twinkie when my mother wasn't looking.

Seven months ago.

I'd changed. New York might have been the best decision I've made in my life so far, and I wasn't going to waste it.

However, I was trying to waste time at this moment.

Its currently 8:41, and I have been pacing the corners of my flat for quite some time now—an hour, if you want to be exact—and it was terribly boring. My apartment was perfectly neat, every box unpacked, every item adorned in its proper place. I had already taken my meds, brushed my teeth, and gotten dressed. I'd eaten, but not much because my stomach was practically in knots.

I was excited, yes, but I was also nervous.

I didn't want to mess anything up, especially by throwing up on my first day. And my anxiety was reasonable considering how horrible I was with first impressions. I'd probably walked ten miles around my house stressing about all the ways I could ruin my chances; puking on the Boss, passing out after puking on the Boss, or even worse, maybe he'd realize that he'd hired the wrong Bella Swan and fire me. There were probably at least twenty Bellas on the waiting list. I didn't doubt it.

God, that'd totally be my luck.

I quickly snatch up my phone, checking the time for the second time in the last minute. 8:49, it reads. I almost throw it at the wall in frustration, but I think of something better. I scroll down my contacts, which doesn't take me long to find it since I only have about six contacts in total.

 _Pathetic,_ mocks my inside voice. I cringe, my hand accidentally jumping to the end button and bringing me back to the main screen, a cute fluffy kitten with big eyes gazing at me. This whole voice thing? Yeah, definitely not going away.

So, finding myself at a dead end, what do I do?

I decide to name that obnoxious voice in my head _Agnes_. It fits her too, it's harsh and it has "AGG" in it, which only pleases me more. Take that.

That's right Bella, what do you do when you want to get rid of something? _Name it_ , Agnes taunts, but I make a show of ignoring her, picking up my phone again and pressing the send button. The phone is answered on the second ring, a tired accent speaking out in a familiar monotone.

"Swan residence, Meredith speaking."

"Ms. Meredith!" I exclaim, jumping on my toes at the sound of her voice. "It's me Bella,"

"Bella?" Ms. Meredith repeats, almost like she doesn't believe that it's really me. It sort of breaks my heart a little that she'd think I wouldn't call. "Bella! How've you been darlin'? How are you liking New York? And why didn't you call me sooner? I've been waiting for your call forever! I've been sprouting grays sitting around here, girlie."

"I'm so sorry! I wanted to – I would have, believe me, I just -" Ms. Meredith's laughter cuts me off.

"Oh, Bella calm yourself. I know you woulda' called me sooner or later, don't you fret you're pretty little head on it." she says, her voice going softer towards the end. "So how are you likin' New York? You still carry around that can of mace I got you? People in New York are animals, I hear."

"Ms. Meredith, people are animals everywhere." I giggle, rolling my eyes. Ms. Meredith's perception on the world outside of Virginia is all based on movies like Boondock Saints and Phone Booth.

"I suppose you're right. But do you still have it?" she prompts.

"Uh, no. I lost it at the airport. But - "

"Jesus Christ! Bella, I'm all for branchin' out and stuff, but you're a magnet for danger girl, no offense. You need to replace it immediately, do you hear me? Matter of fact, I'm gonna send you a care package sometime today. What's that address of yours again?"

"That's not really necessary, Ms. Meredith - "

"Don't you give me none of that, Bella. You know your father would damn near have a heart attack if he knew that you were out there unprotected!" she scolds.

"Tasteful joke, Redie." I scoff, laughing cynically into the line. Ms. Meredith sighs deeply, and I can practically hear the deep breaths she's taking. After a moment of silence she finally speaks.

"You know that we love you Bella, no matter where you are or what your name is, we will always love you, includin' your parents. I know they might not always show it in the best of ways. . ."

"I know Redie," I murmur. "I'm just a little uneasy today. I start work and my nerves are shot."

"Make sure you take your Ready Freddy's with you okay?" Ready Freddy's are the nickname we gave my meds. When I was younger I hated taking pills even more than I do now and I'd cry for Meredith, or "Redie", whenever someone else gave them to me. She always knew how to make it easier.

"I always do."

"I'm glad. Did you want me to put you through to your parents, darlin'?" she asks, sweetly.

"Uh, no. that's okay. I just wanted to . . . I mean, I miss you guys. All of you." I mumble pathetically. She laughs softly through the phone and I can almost see her gap toothed smile and crow's feet.

"I understand, darlin'," and I know that she does. She asks me for my address and I give it to her, laughing when she says that she'll be at my doorstep later on tonight. We laugh, joke some more, then say a thick goodbye.

I pull my phone back and glance at the time; 9:28. Thirty more minutes and I'll be at Edward's door.

For the remainder of the time, I find myself going over my clothes, inspecting everything. I want to look pretty and professional at the same time, and I guess I should have asked Alice for her help after all. I end up changing twice and settling for a black pencil skirt and a pink blouse. It's a bit uncomfortable and a big difference from my usual skinny jeans and T-shirt, but I suppose I look rather spiffy. I add a long necklace and some earrings just for perks.

By the time I'm done, it's 9:57 but I make myself wait until 10:02 to leave the house because I don't want Edward to think I'm, you know, desperate.

 _Too late_ , Agnes snickers.

I grab my bag and jacket, and then turn toward the door. I'm knocking on Edward's door about thirty seconds later. When he opens the door, with a hyper Pudding at his feet, I'm pretty sure I look like an overdressed idiot to him and I half expect him to mention as such.

"Hi – hey," I mumble, hesitantly meeting his eyes. His green eyes are narrowed, but not in the usual mean way. His eyes sweep up and down my body and I stand there awkwardly holding my jacket as he does.

"You look . . ." he clears his throat.

"Is it too much? I don't look like a harlot or anything do I? Alice took me shopping and I'm really not that fashion coordinated, I can go back and cha-"

"No," Edward says in his husky New York accent. My stomach ties itself in knots and I feel myself swooning.

 _Twenty bucks says she pukes on his shoes_ , Agnes bets, nudging Isabella's shoulder. God, what the heck is wrong with me?

"You look . . . nice." He concludes finally, his mouth twitching a little.

"Really?" I murmur, looking down at my feet and then back up to him.

"Fishing for compliments, Bella?" Edward smirks, standing aside to let me in. I blush as I pass him, ducking my head.

"Not today," I mumble, shuffling to his tan scratchy couch. Is it weird that I notice it smells like him? Like apples and . . . man. Edward chuckles from my side, heading into the kitchen. Pudding settles at my feet and I greet her with a scratch behind the ears that turns into a soft belly rub. I giggle when her foot starts to jerk

"Would you like something to eat?" he offers. I raise an eyebrow at his generosity because I really don't know what to make of Edward Cullen sometimes.

"I promised not to be an asshole, remember?" he shrugs, taking a spoon and scooping out a whole bunch of mayonnaise. He flicks his wrist and it falls onto a piece of bread like slop falls onto a cafeteria tray. I wrinkle my nose.

"No thanks, I already ate." I say quickly.

"Suit yourself," he mutters, doing the same to the other piece. He reaches into his cupboard producing a family size bag of Doritos. He unclasps the bag, reaches his hand inside and drops multiple chips onto both sides of the bread. He adds cheese, about two pounds of meat and then crunches both sides together. As he brings the monstrosity to his mouth, a large amount of mayonnaise falls from the sandwich and onto the counter.

"Ew," I gag.

"What?" Edward asks, talking with a mouth full of goop in his mouth. "I asked if you wanted some."

"Please stop talking or I'm going to upchuck all over your couch." I groan. Edward laughs, and no matter how beautiful he may be, there is absolutely no way I'm going to find him laughing with a mouthful of orange sludge in his mouth attractive.

"Wouldn't be the first time bodily waste was upchucked on that couch." he laughs some more, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Oh god," I groan, quickly getting up from my seat, Pudding rising up as well. "What do you even call that?"

"This?" he asks, pointing to his sandwich thing. "A Manwhich."

"Or potential obesity?"

"Nope, it's a Manwhich." he says with a gooey smile. It's gross, but still a little charming. "Just let me finish this, and we can go." I nod and wait patiently for him to finish, playing with Pudding to pass the time. Edward leaves for a brief second, dressed in a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, black jeans, and gray chucks.

I could marry him.

"Where's Alice?" I ask, only half curious. I'm really trying to distract myself from the image of the beautiful man in front of me.

"Sleeping."

"Oh," I mumble.

"You ready?" Edward asks, grabbing his messenger bag and a gray pea-coat from the closet by the door.

I pat Pudding on her head and look up at Edward. His hair is tousled as ever and I want to run my fingers through it.

"Bella?" he snaps his fingers in front of my face, a knowing smirk dancing on his lips as he opens the door. I roll my eyes. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I murmur, stepping out into the cold hallway with the dingy florescence.

Edward's smile warms me right up.

 **AN: Seriously, thanks for kicking my ass into gear. I am really sorry for the empty promise of frequent updates. Feel free to leave me more reviews like that, they guilt me into posting more chapters. I appreciate you guys reading, and reviewing. Sometimes it's just really easy to believe that this story is a piece of crap, and isn't worth finishing. But why should I need validation to finish something that I started? That shouldn't be the point of this story or my perspective on life, and from now on, it won't be. Love you guys.**


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10: Nicknames_

BPOV

I couldn't help laughing to myself as Edward held the door open for me, he almost walked right through it but then stilled, stepped back and waited until I passed. He was really trying his hardest with this nice thing.

"What's so funny?" he asks, leaning against the lobby's narrow door frame. His arms are crossed against his chest, his leg propped up. I glance up at him shyly from under my lashes before sifting them elsewhere.

"You're really working hard on this generous thing, huh?" I mumble, walking further outside into the brisk New York air. The wind whips against my cheeks and my bangs fly all over the place, slapping my cheeks.

"Nope, this is easy as breathing." he says, smirking. I roll my eyes and post at lean against the solid brown wall behind me. He pulls his hood over his head and stands awkwardly beside me, staring at me in that intense way that only he can do. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and, dare I admit, a little inadequate. I may be wearing pretty clothes, but I'm sure that country old me, with the tomato face and bug eyes, can't be that inciting, especially to Edward, the modern Greek god. my cheeks heat, but my blush can be blamed on the wind.

"You lead the way," I shrug, jerking my chin awkwardly toward the left. Edward grunts and holds out his arm for me, as if I need to be escorted. I cock an eyebrow at him and he drops his arm.

"This way." he says. We're silent for a moment as we walk and I'm trying to rack my brain for a conversation starter as we push through the bushels of businessmen that obliviously push back. Their faces are stone cold, some fat, some boney, some handsome and some ugly. They're people with lives, but they're so stoic you wouldn't think they were the type to smile. They clutch their briefcases like army soldiers clutch rifles, as if that black luggage is their saving grace. And in this economy, it probably is.

"It's cold." I state, shuffling my feet to keep up with Edward. He has pretty long legs and he takes long confident strides that makes my awkward limp I call a walk look even more hideous than it is. Suddenly Edward starts laughing.

"What?" I ask, smiling a bit.

"You're talking about the weather?" he replies, looking down at me with his choppy eyebrows raised. I blush again and bite my lip, shrugging.

"Yeah, I guess I am." mumbling, I'm mumbling.

"Are you not used to cold weather?"

"I am, but it wasn't this cold in Virginia, that's for sure, at least not that I remember."

"Just wait until it starts snowing, you're going to love it here." he teases.

"You know, I never really experienced snow."

"It doesn't snow in V-town?" Edward asks.

"Uh, it does. I just never. . . got the chance." or rather, my mother never gave me the chance.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, you're going to have a field day here. It's going to snow so much, you're gonna get sick of it." he huffs, as if he's recalling some memory.

"I hope not. I kind of really like it here." as soon as I say that some businessman bumps into Edward's shoulder really hard.

"Only kind of? New York not settling for Swan's high standards?" Edward snickers playfully. The only way I can honestly tell that he's kidding is because he looks at me and his eyes are soft as he says it.

"Quite the contrary, actually Cullen. And my standards are pretty low."

"Oh? They are?" He asks, his playful smirk still in place.

"Yep." I smirk . "Me hanging out with you is a prime example."

"Ohhh," Edward drawls out with a chuckle, covering his mouth with a fist. "Touche, Swan."

"Are you going to keep calling me that?"

"What, Swan? Nah, that's just temporary. I'll come up with something better. You're lucky Emmett's not here. He'd be calling you S-Dawg all day long."

"Emmett's funny." I muse, smiling to myself. He's pretty too.

"Yeah, that's my dawg." Edward says in a funny accent.

"Oh, god." I groan.

"Kidding. But expect that nickname soon, Swan."

"Sure thing, Mayo Mouth." _Quick thinking Swan,_ Agnes comments.

"Mayo Mouth?" Edward repeats, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yep." I say, Agnes mentally thwacking me on the back. Agnes was right, it usually takes me forever to come up with comebacks. Edward's antics make it pretty easy though.

"Where'd you get that one, out of a cracker jack box?" he snickers, shoulder checking some other rude passerby.

"Okay first of all, Cracker Jacks don't give insults. They give jokes."

"Details," he huffs. I watch him roll his eyes from my peripherals.

"And second, I'm not going to tell you." I stick my nose up in the air and cross my arms, taking note of how playful me and Edward are at the moment. It's refreshing. It's nice. I love it.

"Why not?"

"Because it loses its appeal if I tell you." I nod.

"Oh yeah, because that's already the most interesting thing I've heard you say. God forbid you ruin it for me by explaining it."

"Right, God forbid."

"Any way, err, there's a coffee shop on the way, and we still have time to kill before we get to H&B. Do you maybe – you do drink coffee, right?"

"I can drink coffee," I confirm. Edward exhales at this.

"Okay good, great. Do you want to, you know, go? My treat." he offers with that crooked smile so how can I turn him down?

"Don't be ridiculous. Yeah, let's go."

"Can I ask you a question?" Edward asks.

"Depends on what it is." I smirk, copying his words from before. Is it lame that I remember every single thing he says to me? _Yes, yes it is_ , Agnes nods.

"How can you drink coffee? I mean, doesn't it you know, have caffeine and stuff? How do you know if it's good for you?"

"Well, uh. . . yeah, see, I've never actually had coffee before." I mumble, ducking my head.

"Never?" He seems outraged at the thought.

"Not ever."

"So how do you know - "

"I don't." I shrug, pushing my way through the crowd. I'm not as good a navigator as Edward.

"Bella, I don't think - "

"Let me worry about that okay? It's just coffee, Edward. Not the end of the world." My stomach gets a little warm over his worry, even though it's unnecessary. _He probably doesn't want you having a seizure by him in public._

"Hmph," he grunts. We lapse into silence for the rest of the way until we reach the shop. It's a brown building squished in between two others, with a sign saying "Irina's Drinks and Things" with an even smaller sign reading "and Green" that's taped to the inside of the window.

"What's 'and green'?" I ask Edward, curiously. He holds the door open for me again.

"Weed, Bella." he rolls his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And, it probably is to any normal twenty-three year old. But once again, this is me, Bella.

"Oh." is all I say, even though I'm brimming with questions. I thought weed was illegal in New York.

"Don't they have weed in Virginia?" he teases.

"I. . .uh, I guess. Yeah. I think so." I murmur to myself. The inside of the shop isn't as noisy as the streets, but it's fairly similar. Music is playing, and there's a lot of reclusive people docked of in stools, typing furiously on their laptops. Some of them even have berets.

"Hey Edward!" a chirpy voice calls from behind the counter. Edward cringes automatically, shoulders hunching forward as he slowly leads me to the front counter. And then I see her.

She's almost as gorgeous as Alice, but they have little to none in common. She has long straight blonde hair and light blue eyes, almost crystalline. She has a beauty mark the color of butterscotch toffee to the left of her lip and has a devilish smirk set across her lips, which are painted a dark red.

"Hey. . . Kate. How, um, how are you?" Edward asks, a strained smile on his lips. It's forced, and I take pleasure in that.

"Oh, how nice of you to ask! I'm great. You'd know that if you called me sometime. . ." Kate drawls, pushing out her lips and looking up at him from under her long blonde lashes.

"Yeah, hmm, I've been busy, you know. . . with work. I've been working." Edward mumbles, swallowing. He glances at me for a second then looks up to the menu board. "Uh, Bella, do you - "

"We used to have so much fun together. I've been missing your company. . ." she cuts him off, rolling her head and flicking her hair over her shoulder. Edward cringes which in turn makes me cringe, the implications are starting to click together.

"I've been so lonely lately. . ."

Oh, God.

"Maybe we could, oh, I don't know, have ourselves another play date?" Kate purrs. Why do I feel the urge to claw her eyes out? Oh, maybe its because she just tried to hook up with him right in front of my face. Hmm, probably. I maybe a little bit of a hermit, but I know flirting when I see it. This is way past flirting, it's . . . whoreing.

"Kate, I've told you – many, many times – I just don't think that - "

"No, no, no Edward!" she giggles, placing her hands on the counter and pushing up her chest. "That's your problem. You think too much. You should just go with your instincts. Hmm," she sighs and bats her eyelashes, tossing her hair again. It freaking bounces as she does it too. Like those Garnier Fructis commercials or something.

"Well, you always were. . . uptight. Pardon my Freudian slip, by the way." Kate giggles.

The. Nerve.

"Kate!" Edward exclaims, his jaw tense.

"What?" she asks innocently, shrugging. Someone groans from behind me and I turn, noticing that we have a line behind us. The woman standing behind me couldn't be more agitated with the slow pace. Her mouth is set and she taps her foot, glaring steadily at Kate like she's trying to burn her with her eyes.

"What the hell has gotten into you? Can't you - "

"Speaking of Freudian slips, Edward. Did you mean that as a rhetorical question, or did you actually want the answer? A diagram?" She snickers.

"Wha - " Edward's jaw is tensed so much I can practically hear him grinding his teeth. I, just like the lady behind me, glare at Kate.

"Mm, and who made me a woman Edward? Ask yourself that." She giggles, biting her lip.

 _Cut her_ , Agnes commands. And I just might. I blush hard and look down, suddenly embarrassed to be here, standing next to Edward. It's a sick feeling, really.

"Kate!" Edward shouts. The whole shop seems to quiet down for a moment and I feel myself melting into the silence as well, not quite dissolving but numbing instead. Once again, I am embarrassed. Edward leans in towards her, menacingly, and speaks in a low tone. I can only make out what he's saying because I'm beside him.

"I suggest you shut the fuck up right now, if you want to keep your fucking job. I know Irina personally, and I know she'd fire your tiny ass so fast if she knew how you were conducting yourself in the workplace. Doesn't matter if your customers are in your bed, or in here, you treat them with respect and discretion. You truly have no fucking shame. If you knew what the fuck was good for you, you'd shut your mouth and make our fucking coffee! Two Vinte Caramel Fraps, one a decaf. And you better make it real fucking snappy, before I call Irina. " I don't bother to look up and see Kate's face. I have a good guess as to what it looks like. I chew on my lip as Edward grunts and throws money on the counter, not objecting as he pays. His fist clenches at his side and I hear something crinkly being shoved into his pocket, a receipt maybe. Edward grabs me by the arm and pulls me rather firmly to the side of the counter.

I keep my head down and continue to gnaw on my lip, afraid to look up and see the eyes of the crowd around us. I'm still embarrassed, but the reasons are rather vague, to me at least.

Our coffee is finished rather quickly, an apology is exchanged from some employee in which Edward grunts and mumbles some expletives under his breath. He readjusts his messenger bag and takes the coffees, tearing off straws from their plastic cases and putting them in their drinks. He hands one to me and I take it silently.

Then we're outside, walking on the concrete jungle that seems way less crowded than what it was. The apes and monkeys must be afraid of the feral beast that trudges alongside me, one that, if I may admit mentally to myself, I am a bit afraid of too.

But I don't say anything, and neither does Edward until we reach a crosswalk.

"Sorry," he grumbles, in a much softer tone than I'm expecting. I nod.

"She's a whore." he blurts suddenly. I look up at him finally, and I can't help smiling a little. His green eyes are darker, tight around the edges, and his choppy eyebrows are narrowed in frustration.

"Takes one to know one," I shrug, turning and shifting my attention to the front. The sign says walk so I walk ahead with the crowd, steps in front of Edward.

When he bursts out in laughter behind me the tension in my tummy dissolves, thankfully, and I smile, a feeling of completeness taking over.

Then Edward is beside me laughing, bumping my shoulder lightly, smiling brilliantly, with a blush, that cannot be blamed on the cold, on his cheeks.

And, in that moment, I can tell that he's forgotten all about that altercation two minutes ago. And that makes me feel good.

* * *

 **AN: Edward and his hussies. . .**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Here goes another one!**

 _Chapter 11: Moments_

I could do this all day. Walking here next to Edward and all of his modern brilliance is something I could easily take advantage of. Not only is he gorgeous to look at, but he's also a great tour guide. He's pointed out some pretty cool buildings, telling me of some random stories and first impressions. Edward has a knack for description, which I can appreciate because, well, I need as much stimulation as I can possibly get.

"See that shop over there?"

"That one?"

"No, that one – the one with the orange cart."

"Oh. . . that one?"

"No, Bella. . . that one. See where I'm pointing?"

"Yeah, I see, and you're pointing at that one."

"That's a basket! I said cart, Bella. The orange cart, in front of the shop, next to the lady wearing a straw hat and purple striped pants."

". . . That one?"

"Yes!"

"I think that's a man."

"Bella, focus!" Edward laughs, opening and closing his hands for emphasis.

"I am!" I giggle. "I'm just saying, there are so many people everywhere, it's hard to focus on just one."

"You're awfully distracted today."

"Well, at least I can tell apart a man from a woman." I snicker under my breath.

"What was that Swan?"

"You heard me. I'm worried for you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, especially if you can't tell genders apart because. . ." I need not finish. Edward wrinkles his nose at me but smiles. It's a weird face to make, and he looks like the piggies my aunt used to have at her farm, but Edward still looks as beautiful as ever. I sigh.

"Oh, I'm quite educated in the difference." he smirks. I cringe at his cockiness and fall silent. "So, on a G-rated note, what's your favorite color?"

"Why do I feel like you've asked me this already?"

"I probably have," he shrugs.

"Burgundy," I say simply.

"Burgundy?" Edward repeats, mystified.

"Yes."

"That's . . . Why?" he asks, as we turn the corner. I can't tell if we're close to H&B yet, all of the buildings are whipping and blurring past us, they all look the same. The building I'm looking for is tall and light gray and magnificent. The ones I see are all brown and sort of dingy.

"It's familiar," I mumble, taking a sip of my decaf. It's a bit sweet for my liking and it seems that whoever made it just dumped caramel into it because I'm having an awfully hard time sucking it through the straw.

"Hm," Edward says thoughtfully. Then, "Is it good? The coffee, I mean. Do you like it?"

"I uh," I can't answer because I start laughing. Almost snorting, actually.

"What?" Edward chuckles once, confused. His cheeks are still a bit rosy and I love that. We match.

"Nothing," I murmur, with a wave of my hand. "It's uhm, its really good. Do you like it?"

"Coffee? I fucking love it."

"Coo-Coo for coffee, are you?" I giggle, listening to him speak.

"Absolutely crazy for coffee," he nods with a confused smile. "Bella, what?"

"Nothing!" I laugh. "So," I start, trying to quiet myself down. I must look like an idiot to him. "Would you say that. . . Cwwoffe. . . is your . . . favorite. . . drink?" I snort.

"Uh, yeah. I guess. . . Oh, _oh!_ Wow, Bella!" he shouts, rolling his eyes. And I can't help it, I start laughing. His accent is just. . . so adorable. "Real mature, Swan."

"I'm. . . sorry, it's just - " But he's laughing with me. "Say it again."

"What, so you can make fun of me?" he asks, a shiny crooked grin on his face. My insides melt and I just swoon, because he's just so darn pretty when he does that. I nod.

"You're mean," he says, pushing out his bottom lip. It's pink and full and I just want to, you know. . .

 _Kiss him,_ Agnes suggests. Yeah, that.

"Please?" I try, smiling stupidly up at him and I don't know why, but I bat my eyelashes. His eyebrows knit together and his pretty green eyes grow soft, and before I know it he's looking at me in _that_ way.

"Cwwoffee," he murmurs after a while, a small smile on his lips.

And I laugh.

EPOV

"Please?" she asks, sweetly. She's almost begging. And I make the mistake of getting lost in those gorgeous brown eyes of hers. She's beautiful. I know I must look like a creeper staring down at her this way but I can't help it.

 _Get a hold of yourself Cullen._

Shut up.

 _You're turning into a pussycat for this girl and you've only known her for what, two days?_

Actually, it's more like a week.

 _Pussy._

And maybe my inner monologue is right. I probably am turning complaisant for Bella. I know I should be pushing her away, I shouldn't even be walking her to work, or buying her "cwwoffee" or even having a conversation with her. And I don't know what I want.

 _No, you don't know what you want._

Because I'm dangerous, _real_ fucking dangerous.

 _Right._

And I say real fucking hurtful things and I have anger issues and I see women for nothing other than their girl parts.

 _You're a douchebag, a jackass – she even said so herself._

But . . .

But it's different with Bella. I _like_ Bella. She's not just some chick I want to fuck (well. . .) and leave. I slowly admit that I actually want to be with her. I want to be around her and make her smile. I like doing that and I like Bella.

But I'm broken.

But maybe. . .

No. Hoping will get me fucking nowhere. And I fucking _know_ that.

But I loose it when she bats her eyelashes at me and her brown eyes do that twinkling thing that I fucking hate.

"Cwwoffee," I mumble.

When she laughs, it's real fucking corny, but my stomach just. . . Flutters. So I smile and live for the moment. And then I admit that Bella _is_ the moment.

And my inner monologue doesn't say shit to that.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Hey Lovelies! Thanks for reviewing! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

 _Chapter 12: The Boss_

BPOV

After what seems like hours of walking, we finally reach our destination.

"Well, here we are." Edward announces, throwing his arms up and gesticulating as if he were conducting a symphony. I stand back for a moment, dropping my arm and bringing my coffee to my thigh, and just gaze at the building in front of me.

It looks exactly like it did on Google images. Big, grand and intimidating. From where we're standing, the top of the building seems to stretch into the heavens, which is something I didn't notice in the pictures. I actually feel a bit queasy.

"Whoah," Edward mumbles, gripping my arm. "You okay?"

"Mm," I groan, roughly scraping my palm against my forehead. "It's. . ."

"Scary?" He suggests, raising his eyebrows. When my eyes bug out of my head, I feel his laughter wrap around us, and it's soothes me until it ends. "Calm down, geez. You're thinking way too hard about this."

"No. No, Edward. I'm not. I - "

"You work here."

"But - " I stutter.

"You work here. Do you not?"

"I – I do."

"Say it."

"I work here."

"Then you belong here. Let's go." And with that he's grabbing me by the arm and leading me through those huge silver revolving doors. I barely register the fact that I'm wrapped closely around Edward's body with my nerves and all. His very husky apple-y scent sure is a reality check.

"Edward," I mumble as he pushes through the doors. Edward's hand is still attached to the sleeve of my jacket firmly and I try to wiggle my arms away but his hold doesn't waver. I don't know if he's ignoring me or not. "Edward." I whine again. And then again.

" _What_?" he groans, looking down at me.

"You're going too fast. Can't we. . . Just, you know, slow down?"

"Jesus, Bella." Edward sighs, letting go of my sleeve. I stumble a little bit. "What?"

"Nothing. You. . . I - "

"Spit it out Bella." He sighs. The lighting in this place makes his features look sharper, more menacing.

"I'm scared. What if I get fired? Or puke? What if no one likes me? What if The Boss doesn't like me? What if I screw up? What if - "

"Shut up. Please. You're going to do fine. You take amazing pictures, you're pretty, everyone is going to like you." He mutters, eyes rolling back into his head.

Did he just call me pretty? I shake my head.

"How can you be sure?"

"I'm not. But this is life. And life is scary sometimes, Bella. You just gotta. . . you know, persevere." He shrugs.

"Right." Persevere. I could do this. I can. _You sound like Thomas the Train,_ Agnes snickers.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Thinking."

"Oh, sorry."

"Take a deep breath, Bella. You worked hard to get here and now you are. You really going to turn back now?"

"Uh, no." I wasn't.

"Then come on!"

"Yeah, yeah. You're right. I'm just being a worry-wart. There's nothing to worry about."

"Nope."

That becomes my mantra for the remainder of the day. Edward leads me to the shiny silver elevators, gently pushes me inside and punches in the number twelve. I busy myself by picking at my jacket and smoothing out my shirt.

"Bella, please, would you quit fidgeting? You're making _me_ nervous." He grumbles from beside me. When I look up at him, he actually does look pretty tense. Weird.

"Sorry." I mumble. The elevator bings and when the door opens, I am blinded by the noise and light. Right when you walk in there's a wide oval shaped orange desk at the entrance, and behind that desk is a woman. She's extraordinarily beautiful and does serious damage to my self esteem. She's a vague reminder of Kate, with her blues eyes, blond hair and beauty mark. But they're far from the same. The woman behind the desk could be a freaking super model, Kate could be her shadow.

I feel myself lean into Edward, a bit defensively. Which is stupid.

"Rosalie," Edward greets her bleakly. She nods, not looking up from her computer screen. "Any messages?"

"Hm, let me check. " She huffs, and scoots her chair over to little black bin. Her agile fingers pick through the folders in it until she plucks out a file. "Cralin's sent you another invitation. Vendetta sent you an application. And. . . that's about it." Rosalie closes the file, hits it once against the desk and looks up. Finally.

"Thanks," Edward says, reaching for it.

"Who's you're friend?" Rosalie asks, her eyes shifting over to me. I swallow.

She's freaking gorgeous. Why is everybody in New York this way?

"Oh, uh, this is Bella. She's gonna be working here." He bumps my shoulder and smiles encouragingly.

"Hi," I murmur, waving a little. Rosalie smirks.

"Hello," She says oddly, looking between Edward and me.. "Welcome to our humble abode."

"Thanks," I mumble, shifting a bit into Edward. It's not like he's holding me or anything, I just sort of shape my arm against his. It's not my fault that it fits perfectly there.

"Is Seth in yet?" Edward asks, letting my arm slip through his.

"Yeah, he's in his office." Rosalie flicks her wrist to the right. "Probably meditating or some shit." she mumbles under her breath.

"I heard that," Edward smirks, snatching the file from her hand.

"Oh, I'm so scared. And don't snatch."

"I didn't." Edward mumbles, flipping through the file.

"Um, yeah you did."

"Um, no I didn't." he mocks, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah you did." Rosalie insists.

"No, I didn't. "

"You kind of did." I offer, shrugging. Blue eyes land on mine, and a pink mouth twitches.

"Geez, Bella. Who's side are you on?" Edward snickers.

"No one's. I'm Switzerland." I claim, smiling up at him. He just wrinkles up his nose in that weirdly cute way he does.

"As my neighbor, I feel that your loyalty should lie with me." _Do you mind if I lay with you too?_ Agnes sighs.

"You guys are neighbors?" Rosalie quips bemusedly. "Small world."

"Fucking tiny. Anyway, we best be on our way." Edward announces, tugging on my sleeve.

"Right, well it was nice meeting you, Bella." Rosalie nods, smiling lightly.

"Likewise," I say and return a shy smile.

As Edward pulls me along, my eyes sweep the place. There are a lot of people bustling about, some laughing and some not, some working and two playing Solitaire and poker on their computers. A couple of them look over at me, some curious and some of them, women namely, decisively – as if they could read me like a book.

This worries me some. I feel bare walking around here, like people can see straight through me and like I'm not good enough. You'd think that walking beside such a beautiful man would give me confidence but it doesn't.

"Here we are."

The Boss's office is made up of foggy gray glass and a white sliding door. Edward knocks on it and I tense up my hand on his arm.

"Let go," he sighs. And I do, reluctantly.

"Come in!" a voice shouts from the inside.

I can do this. I can do this. This is nothing.

Edward shoots me a look, one of comfort, and opens the door. The inside of the office is gray and green, an odd mixture of yellow and oranges as well. I spot a bean bags, bamboo sticks, and a whole bunch of paintings of wolves before I spot The Boss himself.

He's sitting behind a dark orange desk, his hands folded and hair long.

"Ah! Just who I was expecting," The Boss sighs, his brown eyes squinting. He has brown skin and crows feet that I can see from eight feet away. He leans back in his chair and opens a drawer, pulling out a black pair of rectangle glasses, that he sits on top his nose. They have tribal printed rope hanging from his ears.

"Edward, always on time." The Boss grins, folding his hands across his stomach. "And look who you've brought with you! Bella Swan, my dear, it is a pleasure to meet you finally." he sits forward and holds out his hand for me to shake.

"Likewise, sir! It's. . . I mean. . . thank you, so much for picking me." I ramble, grasping his warm hand a bit too hard.

"Fate picked you Bella, not me. I just happened to come across one of your photos online. Shallow Light, the one of the distorted tree in the sunlight, just about had my heart. " The Boss smiles warmly at me and I relax, blushing a little. I think of Redi and how she encouraged me to submit it to the Charlottesville newspaper. Where would I be if I hadn't listened to her? Back in Virginia or six feet under.

So I just smile at The Boss because the mere thought of being in Virginia makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"What type of camera did you use? I'm quite curious."

"A Canon EOS 650."

" _Really?"_ The Boss exclaims, clearly amused by my answer.

"Yeah, yes – yes sir." I correct. I hear Edward snicker behind me.

"Well," He sighs. "I am quite impressed. Do you use it still?"

"No, unfortunately. It retired early." I say with a frown. Ironically enough, about a week before I left for New York it decided to stop working.

"And what camera are you using now?" he wonders, a thoughtful look on his face. I notice that, The Boss is really quite handsome. He has to be in his late thirties or something, but he looks oddly wise.

"Well, uhm, I actually haven't gotten around to buying one yet. I don't know what kind I'd – "

"What?" The Boss yelps. "That is unacceptable! Edward?"

"Yes, boss?" He pipes up, stepping forward.

"I want you to take Ms. Swan straight to the Poplin's on 8th avenue, okay? Get the best camera you can. Here," he ruffles around in one of his desks for almost a minute, blushing a little when he finds what he's looking for. The Boss waves a thickly stapled pack of papers at me. "A syllabus, so to speak. You'll find all of the required items on there. I trust that price won't be an issue?"

"No, sir. Not at all." I shake my head and reach for the papers. It's not as thick as they look.

"Please Ms. Swan, call me Seth. We're all very friendly here at H&B, everyone is on first name basis." he chuckles.

"Mr. Seth, then."

This makes him laugh. "Ever so polite. Well, Ms. Bella, I hope you will forgive me for this impromptu meeting." And he actually seems like he means it. I just flick my wrist and smile. "Well then, you two best be on your way. You two are going to be great partners, I can feel it."

We leave the office in a rush.

"See? You were great." Edward compliments.

"His shoes are clean, at least." I shrug. Edward just rolls his eyes. Edward gives me a tour around the office, I see the snack room filled with vending machines to the janitor's closet. Edward's nothing if not thorough. I meet some rather nice people in the Scene Department, too. Jane, a pretty Italian girl who doesn't smile as much, Angela, who's probably the sweetest person I've met so far, Ben, whom Angela seems to have a thing for, Tyler, who reminds me of a Black version of Emmett and Alex, the speed talker.

I've also met some not so nice people. Victoria, the fiery redhead, Jessica, the person that finishes all of Victoria's sentences and last but not least, Michael, who insists that I call him Mikey. Victoria and Jessica remind me of Kate. Enough said. Michael tried to come onto me within the first five minutes of knowing my name.

"So, Bella. I'd love to show you around New York sometime. What do you say?" He looks at me, winking and grinning at me in a way that I suppose is supposed to be attractive. It's not. He looks like a pirate. Jessica glares at me from behind his back, practically snapping her teeth at me.

"Oh, um I don't - "

"She's already got a tour guide, but it's awfully polite of you to suggest." Edward butts in, his voice hard and eyes dark.

"Yeah, well see, I wasn't asking you, Cullen. I was asking Bella." Michael scoffs, turning his attention back to me. I practically can feel Edward tense up from beside me. "So Bella, what do you say?"

"Uh, I say no, Michael. But like Edward said, it was very thoughtful of you to - "

"Aw, don't be like that. Just trying to lend a helping hand or two. . ." Jesus, the implication of his words is obvious. I frown at him.

"Excuse me?" I ask, a little shocked and embarrassed. Okay, well a lot embarrassed. He just propositioned me in front of three other people like I was some common harlot or something.

"Listen you little shit, Bella's not interested. So why don't you just back the fuck off?" Edward cuts. His whole demeanor changes, his shoulders hunching, jaw tensing. He looks about two feet taller. Menacing.

Still, I put an hand on his arm.

"Or what, man? What are you gonna do?" Micheal challenges, straightening up. He's not tall enough and he notices that.

Okay, no.

I start tugging Edward's sleeve and pulling him away before he can respond. We walk past Rosalie, who shoots us both a curious look but doesn't say anything.

When we get in the elevator, Edward's mumbling becomes louder.

"Edward," I say, bumping his shoulder.

"What?" he asks, turning to me. He's annoyed.

"Calm down," I mumble.

"I am calm!"

"No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am!" He insists loudly, his nostrils flared. It doesn't scare me though. Odd.

"You're yelling."

And he mumbles some more.

"I don't need, you know, you to stick up for me."

"Yeah, because you were so gonna lay his ass out on your first day, weren't you Bella?"

I don't say anything and after a while, Edward laughs.

"What?" I ask, looking up into his great green eyes.

"I think I just though of a nickname for you."

"Oh yeah? Lay it on me."

And when he tells me, I can't help but laugh.

 **AN:What do you think it is?**


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter 13:Good Company_

BPOV

"Really, Edward?" I laugh, brushing my bangs from my face.

"Clever, huh?" Edward smirks complacently.

"Not really. I expected more."

"Blushing bumpkin? That's pretty good for something on the spot." Edward defends, grabbing my hand as we walk through the elevators. It's a little annoying how he tugs me around everywhere as if I'm going to get lost. But really? I'm not complaining. His hand feels warm but hard at the same time, callused probably.

"I'll give you a six. Just for the alliteration. Negative four, because it's slightly offensive."

"Just a six?"

"Mmhm," I murmur.

"I think I'll just call you BB for short, though."

"Whatever gets you through the night Mayo Mouth."

As soon as we're outside, Edward lets go of my hand and steps toward the curb to hail a cab. His cheeks are still a little bit rosy, which I can still see despite the fact that he's turned the collar of his pea-coat up. The color could be from the cold or from frustration, but he doesn't look agitated anymore.

When the cab stops, he opens the door for me to slide in. Ever the gentlemen.

"Poplins on 8th?" Edward asks the cabbie, who just nods. We sit silently for a while, nothing needing to be said. I chance a few glances at Edward and notice him rubbing at the crease of his elbow.

"Mosquito bite?" I ask him, nodding at his hands.

"What?"

"Your arm," I smirk.

"Um, yeah?" He stops rubbing.

"We used to have the worst ones back home. Especially on my grandma's farm. I remember one time I got bit, had a bite the size of a dollar piece on my calf. Itched like the pox." I shiver at the memory.

"Did it leave a scar?"

"No. But my mom made sure I was sprayed down with bug repellant every time we'd visit after that." Which, looking back on it, was almost as bad because I always smelled like bugs spray.

"That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

"No, she always did what was best for me." I shrug. She always did try her best, even though her methods were a bit. . .

"Then why'd you leave?" he asks, fiddling with his messenger bag.

"Uh, H&B Imagery remember? I'd be a fool to turn that down."

"Right, I guess." Edward agrees. The cabbie curses at the traffic blocking his path, honking his horn loudly. I giggle a little and then clear my throat.

"It was time for me to expand anyway. Can't be wholed up in one place for too long." I explain, looking out of my window. Expansion was always good, but I'd be lying if I said there was a part of me that missed Charlottesville desperately. The smell of Pine-sol and vanilla after our house had been thoroughly cleaned, the way the cracked wood of my grandma's fence felt under my hands, the little dandelions that sprouted everywhere in our backyard. Memories.

"What did she say?"

"Huh?" I ask, distracted.

"When you left. You lived with your parents, right?" Edward prompts.

"Yeah."

"So?"

"So what?" I ask.

"Bella." Edward rolls his head in my direction.

"She didn't like it." It was true. But it was an understatement. She stopped talking to me for a while.

"She didn't?"

"No. She thought I was better with them. With family." I shake my head.

"Rather than here, all alone, with nobody to look out for you." He nods.

"Well, thanks a lot Mayo Mouth, way to put that lightly." I scoff.

"What, it's true?" Edward chuckles.

"I'd like to think that I have someone here to look out for me. Even if it's just Alice."

"Just. . . What am I chopped liver?" Another wrinkle of his nose. I'm getting used to seeing his nose scrunch up. Better his nose than his forehead, I suppose.

"No, you're just. . ."

"Just what?"

"Moody." I hedge.

"With reason." His face grows sombre before he looks out the window.

"I can't ever tell with you." I shrug.

"I can say the same fucking thing about you." Edward retorts.

"What? I've never been nothing but civil to you."

Edward looks back, raises an eyebrow and I edit.

"You started that." I shrug, understanding.

"You ended it." he smirks.

"Whatever."

"Bella, I hope you notice that I'm making an effort." He says after another while of silence.

"There shouldn't really have to be. I haven't done anything."

"It's hard. For me. I don't like. . . being sociable. Unless I have to. And even then." He mutters, picking some more at his bag.

"Well, I appreciate your effort." I smile halfheartedly but he doesn't see it.

He nods.

"I wouldn't, I mean, if you were ever in trouble, you could come to me. If Alice isn't around."

"What if she is around?" I mumble, not meeting his eyes.

"You could still come around." he says after another while.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're good company." he swallows.

"You are too, when you're not suffering from PMS."

Edward sputters, and narrows his eyes at me, but he has a faint smile so I know he's not really offended. But the effort he makes to make it seem so, makes me laugh.

{~'~}

"I can't believe your fucking luck." Edward sighs as we depart from Poplins. "I had to wait forever to acquire my fucking equipment and you get your shit in a day? Just 'cause you bat your eyelashes at the owner?"

He's sort of right. I didn't really bat my eyelashes at the owner, I don't know how to be remotely flirtatious. But I was sweet on him, complimenting him and his shop more than necessary. And in return, he stocked me up with everything from films to filters. I wasn't complaining. Edward was though.

"Someone's jealous." I tease, twisting my bag full of items around my fingers. I didn't have everything yet, the tripod along with my new Canon EOS would arrive in exactly three and a half business days. I was very excited.

"Someone's _confused._ One day eyelash batting isn't going to work on everyone, I don't know why guys let girls get away with that."

"Everyone?"

"Yes, everyone. So don't get used to it."

"Does it work on you?" I ask, smiling up at him shyly and batting my eyelashes.

"Frequently." he says nonchalantly.

"Hm - "

"Don't get any ideas, BB. It ain't gonna work." He smirks, taking my bag from me and hailing another cab.


	14. Chapter 14

_Chapter 14: Phone Call_

BPOV

"Hey guys, I brought pizza!" He doesn't even knock, just yells at the door. He's lucky the movie went on commercial. Or we all would have ignored him. I look over at Alice and smile expectantly at her. She huffs, heaves herself off the couch and sticks her tongue out at me while sauntering off to the door.

"What, Emmett?" Alice says, pressing her ear to the door and crossing her arms. I nudge Edward, who's sitting on the floor in between Alice and I.

"Hand me that," I point to the purple popcorn bowl beside his legs.

"Please?" he prompts, lolling his head back on the couch. His Adam's Apple bobs as he speaks and even though his jaw looks strong and perfect, he kind of looks like a creature.

"I want to be a part of movie night!" Emmett whines from behind the door.

"I thought you had a date with Rosalie," Edward smirks.

"She turned me down. Something about an ex boyfriend named Royce. I dunno, I was too busy staring at her tits – anyway, are you guys gonna let me in? The pizza's getting cold, and me so lonely!"

Alice turns around from the door, facing me. Edward looks up at me too. I purse my lips.

"What kind of pizza is it?" I ask after a while.

{~'~)

"No! Why is he making him drink it?" Alice shrieks at the TV for the thirty thousandth time. Edward and I groan.

"He's supposed to Alice." I grunt.

"Well he obviously doesn't want to," Emmett agrees.

"That's besides the point." I mumble, sitting forward.

"What _is_ the point? Harris Potter is stupid, can we watch something else?" Emmett whines. I throw a handful of popcorn at him despite the fact that I'll have to clean it up later.

"It's _Harry_ Potter, dumb ass!" Edward chuckles, his laughter vibrating the couch.

"Same difference," he mumbles.

It's been about three weeks since I've started work, and in those weeks things have been changing for the better. For starters, my anxiety has been moderately low. Emmett, Edward and Alice are becoming really close friends and we've been hanging out a lot, having movie night every Friday. Having them around makes me feel less alone, which helps because just the thought of being alone sometimes can send me into a frenzy.

I've gotten my camera and equipment delivered as well and I was extremely eager to return to work, only upon finding that, as a member of the Scene Department, I only had to be to work on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Even then my shifts were only nine to two. I didn't have much of a problem with that, I enjoyed the time off, but on those off days I was expected to be photographing things, editing things, finding things, previewing things, reading things, talking about things, noticing things and everything else that was required of me, to the point that sometimes off days didn't really feel like off days.

Edward made it easier to handle though. Sometimes.

Within the first real week of work I found out how serious he was about his job. Edward was very dedicated to his work, which was admiring, but his attitude could be very annoying at times. He had no issue with proclaiming his likes and dislikes, if he hated something or if he would potentially hate something. It was irritating. It's not like some of us didn't agree with him, we just didn't agree with his choice of words.

He once told Michael that he'd shove his "cheap two dollar polyester tie" down his throat if he didn't pick a proper layout for the new H&B website layout within the next hour. He found the layout within forty minutes.

The H&B website was our current project. H&B always wanted to be a step ahead of the game in productivity, but with less people buying newspapers and magazines these days, Seth ordered a whole new website to be made within the next two months. Every department had its own website that would link to the home website, and since our department was one of the largest, we had a lot of work to do. A lot of computer work to do, of which I wasn't very good at.

When Edward found out that my internet and wifi hasn't been set up, he almost had a heart attack, no pun intended. Someone from Comcast is coming to my house tomorrow to help set it both my computer and my cable.

We're watching all of the Harry Potter movies on BluRay. Edward set that up.

We're on the sixth one and Dumbledore is just about to die when my phone rings.

"Aw!" everyone groans, shooting me looks.

"Sorry!" I giggle, patting my pockets for my phone.

"What the fuck, Bella, shit was getting good!" Emmett groans.

"Sorry," I mumble, checking the creases of the couch cushions for my phone. It's not there.

"Bella!"

"What?" I chuckle. "Pause it!" the ringing keeps going, but it's muffled. I stop moving for a second and try to follow the sound. . . under the couch. . . under Emmett's butt.

"Move for a second?" I ask him. He tsks, moves and there's my phone, under his jean clad rear.

"Ha. Whoops." he shrugs.

"You didn't feel that?" Alice giggles. I take the phone, wipe it off on Emmett's shirt and take a look at it. The color drains from my face automatically and my stomach flutters nervously.

"BB?" Edward asks, looking up at me with a concerned expression on his face.

"I uh, I have to take this." I mumble, standing to my feet.

"What?" Alice whines. "But - "

"No, just – press play. I'll be right back." I say, walking towards my bedroom with Edward's eyes on my back. The ringing is still going. I stare at my phone, mustering up my courage for a while before pressing the green button.

"Daddy?" I answer.

"Isabella, I haven't heard from you in weeks! What – where have you been?" his gruff voice hurts my eardrums.

"I'm sorry - "

"Sorry? _Sorry_! Do you know how _worried_ we were? I almost flew out to New York myself to see if you were okay!"

"I didn't get any calls from you, the only person that has called me was Redi," I mutter bitterly.

"So you can talk to _Redi_ , but you can't talk to your own damn parents?" he bites.

"No. Dad, I - "

"You what?"

"I've been busy, with work and - "

"You've been busy? _Busy_? That's your excuse, _busy_?"

"It's not an excuse, it's an explanation." I grit my teeth. "And besides, you haven't called me either."

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't called me either, Dad, don't just blame me -"

"Blame you? Who's decision was this to - "

" _To what, Dad_!" I shout, forgetting that my friends are in the other room. I suddenly don't care anymore. The rage is surging through me too fast. "To _experience life_? To live on my own, to be my own person? To get out of that _fucking_ house without you and Mother _breathing down my neck_?"

 _Atta girl_.

"Isabella -"

"No, Dad. I'm not – I won't, fall for this anymore. _I won't_. I am a grown woman, I make my own damn decisions! I don't need you or Mother to tell me what to do, to dictate my fucking life anymore!"

"Have you forgotten how sick you are? Do you realize how much effort I put into making sure you were healthy and fed and cared for? Do you realize how many days I've taken off work for you? How much your mother and I have sacrificed for you? And you have the nerve to tell me that you don't need me?"

"DAD!"

"I will not tolerate you speaking to me this way! I am your father, you will treat me with respect just like everyone else in this damned world, do you hear me?" he shouts onto the phone. "Don't you forget your place Isabella."

"I'm trying to find it, why can't you just accept that?" I whimper, sitting down on my bed and burying my face in my free hand.

"Accept it? No, Isabella. I will not. So if its recognition you're looking for, you won't get it from me."

"Then why'd you even call!" I shout.

"Because, your mother's had a heart attack. Maybe if you weren't behaving like some selfish brat -"

My world stops for a second.

"Is she okay?"

"She's perfectly fine. I'm taking her home tomorrow. I just assumed you'd like to know. But I know how busy you are, now." he says coldly.

And then he hangs up and my vision starts to do somersaults.

I barely realized that I've been standing up, until I hit the floor and I tumble into the warm familiar darkness.

No Jaws themed ring tone could have prepared me for this.

* * *

 **AN: :o**


	15. Chapter 15

_Chapter 15: Irony_

EPOV

In a second Bella's color changes from tomato red to white as a ghost. The change stuns me and I immediately became worried. Whoever the fuck was calling her caused her to freeze up as if she'd been consumed by an ice age. Who was it?

"BB?" I ask her, my confusion getting the best of me. At the sound of my voice she snaps out of it, only to mutter something and rush to her bedroom, leaving the rest of us concerned. I watch her shut the door and seconds later the hushed shouting begins.

"Do you think she's okay?" Alice asks, his eyebrows furrowed. I just shrug.

"Maybe we should postpone movie night?" Emmett suggests, looking uncomfortable.

"I think that's a - "I'm cut off from a loud thud coming from Bella's room, which is where all of our eyes go.

"Uh oh. I'm not good with bitch fits bro, I'll catch you guys later." Emmett says, cracking his back and grabbing his jacket.

"What the fuck, man?" I shout, but he's already pushing his feet into his Timberlands.

"What?" He groans. "I'm not. You can stay here if you want, but I'm not. Tell Bella that she can have the rest of the pizza. But that, also, it'd be really nice if she saved me a piece."

"You guys?"

"What?" we both say.

"Bella's not one for bitch fits." Alice says, rolling a popcorn kernel between her fingers.

"Noted, and hung up on the fridge. Still, this too awkward. So I'll see you guys later." Emmett says with a wave of his hand.

"Ugh. I'll go check on her." I huff.

"Um, maybe I should, Edward. I'm a girl." Alice smirks. "But I appreciate your eagerness."

"Whatever." I grunt as Alice walks down the hallway to Bella's room. I don't care so much about who goes to talk to her as long as I know that she's okay. But come on, I don't say that out loud.

"So can I catch you later for - "

"EDWARD!" I hear Alice scream from the back. The sound is sickly familiar somehow, as if I'd heard it before. I probably have, which explains why I'm moving like a cobra, snaking around Emmett and knocking over Bella's coffee table in my haste. I don't know why I'm expecting to see Felix back here in Bella's girly room but my hands are in fists. But it's not Felix I see. It's Bella, on the ground, brown hair splayed all over her face and still. She's not conscious. My stomach _wretches_ at the scene before me and I jerk a little from my spot in the doorway.

Then I'm next to Alice, who is so scared that I briefly scan the room for Felix. I can't help it.

"Holy shit!" I hear Emmett say from behind me.

"Emmett! Call 911!" I shout, kneeling on Bella's hardwood floor and brushing her hair out of her face. She's pale, way too pale. She's never been tanned, but she's never looked like this. The rosy blush on her cheeks is missing and the lack of it makes her look like a stranger to me. I hate that.

"Did you find her like this?" I ask Alice, lifting Bella's limp body into my lap.

"Yes! What are you doing? You're not supposed to move her!" Alice screams.

"Well, I have to see if she's breathing!" I yell at her, once again brushing Bella's hair back. When I pull my fingers back I notice something. Blood. On my fingers. This situation just got a fuckton more serious.

 _Holy shit_ , I think.

" _Edward,_ she's _bleeding!_ " Alice screams. And she's right, there's a puddle of burgundy on the brown wood of her floor and somewhere on the back of her head. _How hard did she fall_?

"Fuck! Bella," I murmur. "Bella, wake up." I urge. No response.

I press my ear to her chest, listening and listening and listening.

"Edward!" Alice screams when I don't say anything fast enough, and I don't have to look at her to know that she's crying.

"She's breathing," I say, mentally thanking God. "Barely." I add without thinking.

There's a quick thumping of feet and I look up to see Emmett standing in the doorway like he's afraid to come inside.

"The ambulance is on its way," he pants. And then: "Holy fuck, is she - "

"Emmett go get me a wet towel!" I bark, not wanting him in here. He asks way too many fucking questions and he's even more terrified than Alice, which is in turn freaking me out. My head is already swimming.

"What – what - " Alice weeps, clutching Bella's wrists as if she's looking for a pulse. "Edward! Edward she's not breathing!"

"What?" I hear Emmett shout, and then he's in the doorway again. His curly hair is matted to his forehead, his face sweaty and red. And then he's gone, rushing off to the bathroom. I hear the toilet seat lift and then I hear him emptying all of the contents of his stomach.

"Edward! She's not b-b-"

"Alice! Fucking - " I place my ear to Bella's chest again, but I can barely hear anything over Alice crying and Emmett throwing up.

"Alice, _shut the fuck up_!" I scream, panicking because I can't hear anything. My shouting does the trick, and there's silence all over the house. I press my ear to Bella's boob again and listen. There is a pulse.

"She's breathing," I say again.

"No, no, no she's not!" Alice sobs, shaking her head and pulling her knees to her chest. "She's dead! She's d - "she chokes. She's so frantic that I fear she might have a panic attack or something and that's the last fucking thing I need right now because frantic people make me frantic.

"Alice, breathe, baby," I say, wanting to reach out to her but not wanting to let go of Bella either.

"She's not -"

"Alice, please. Breathe, Alice. For me, please. She's okay, she's breathing, I promise. Look at me, Alice." but she's still shaking her head back in forth. She's freaking out and it's making me crazy.

"Alice, LOOK at me!" I shout. Slowly, Alice brings her gaze to mine. "She's okay." I say, looking straight into her eyes. That's a lie and Alice knows it so I quickly speak again. "She's breathing, Alice. I promise. She's breathing," I say firmly, trying to force these words deep into her skull so she can fucking breathe.

"Okay?" I say. "Breathe Alice."

I watch as she slowly tries to pull herself together. Now the only one truly freaking out is Emmett.

"Bella," I murmur, looking down at her face. Her face is becoming more and more pale by the second. "Bella, you have to wake up, baby." I'm so fucking scared and I don't know what to do. My heart is jumping all over in my chest and I just wish that I can transfer some of its energy to Bella's. I keep brushing her hair back with sticky fingers, trying to avoid the wound.

"Bella, baby," I mumble, still pressing my ear to her chest.

 _Where the fuck is the ambulance?_

"Edward," I hear Alice say but I can't respond. I'm too wrapped up the havoc around me, the heightened sound and my desire for a fix that has arrived out of nowhere. A real fucking _fix_. I'm trying my best to ignore it, to focus on the task at hand but it's hard. All of this added stress is reminding me how easy it would be to get rid of it.

"Bella," I murmur, brushing her hair back again. I'd never truly noticed how much hair she had, how long it is. It seems that no matter how many times I brush it back from her face, it keeps coming back in thick twisty spirals.

There's a loud pounding at the door and for some reason I think of Emmett.

"Go get it," I say through my teeth, but Alice is already up heading out of the room.

"Baby, wake up," I say to Bella. But she's not responding. She's not moving. She's _not_ moving.

"Sir, stand back." I hear. I look up to see a tall lanky man with golden hair brushed back into a ponytail standing over me with a big black case. There are four other people in Bella's room, but I don't focus on them.

"Sir," he repeats. I don't want to move, I feel like if I do she might slip away from me.

"Sir!"

I look down at Bella before I gently ease her off my lap and back onto the floor, placing her head on some pillow that's been laid down.

"How long has she been like this?" the EMT asks, pulling out a stethoscope and checking her vitals.

"About ten minutes, I think. I don't know." I say tugging on my hair.

"Does she have any pre-existing issues concerning her health?" he asks. I watch two people unfold a stretcher and I briefly wonder how they're going to get her down the stairs on that thing.

"No," Alice says when I don't answer. "Not that we know of."

"Wait!" I shout, and the guy looks up at me. "She does. She has trachy – something. Something with her heart. Long QT Syndrome I think."

"She has _WHAT_?" Alice screeches.

"I see," the EMT says, although it doesn't look like he does. This panics me for a second and I swear, if he fucks _anything up_ -

"Is she taking any medication for it?" another EMT asks, writing on some chart.

"I think so," I mumble, my hands shaking. I lean over and place my hands on my knees, breathing through my nose. As I do that though, the smell of rusted iron invades my nose so bad I can taste it.

"Sir, take a deep breath," the EMT says. I don't want to though. The smell is too strong.

"What medication does she take?" the EMT asks again. I run my fingers through my hair and as I do I smell the sticky rust on them. It's everywhere. My stomach tumbles and I find myself running into the bathroom to pull an Emmett. Bathroom, medicine cabinet, my mind connects. I stumble over to Bella's cabinet, catching a glimpse of my reflection on the mirror attached to it before I open it. When I do, I take a step back, my hand flying over my mouth as my back presses to the wall. My eyes scan all of the numerous medication bottles stacked neatly inside the cabinet as I finally grasp _how sick Bella really is_.

The coordinated bottles bother the fuck out of me.

I grab a few and run into her room, stopping when I see them lifting her onto the stretcher. She has some breathing mask attached to her face but I look away.

"Here," I say, holding them up to the EMT. She reads over them quickly.

"Okay, let's get her downstairs." one of the EMT says.

"Edward, can we go with them?" Alice asks, wiping her face.

"Yeah."

She rushes off into the living room and I follow after her. I see Emmett hunched over on Bella's couch with his head in his hands.

"You okay?" I ask him, pulling on my shoes. "We're heading over to the hospital, do you want to come?" Emmett's face contorts into one of pure discomfort and he shakes his head.

"Here," I say, pulling out my keys and handing them to him. "You can chill at my house, alright? There's Pepto in my medicine cabinet. Eat some food or something, okay?"

"Call me when you get there, so I know she's okay." he mumbles thankfully, standing up.

"Sure," I say, patting him on the back. I grab Bella's keys out of the black bowl on her table. As I turn around I notice the overturned coffee table and I sigh, shutting her door.

I see Emmett letting himself in my house in my peripherals along with a few random neighbors outside, looking curiously at Bella who's being carried downstairs on a stretcher.

As we follow the EMTs downstairs, I see Mr. Garrett in the lobby, holding the door open for them. He looks at me, his spectacles pushed all the way up on his nose, his eyes wide and mouth open. I nod as I pass him, which probably isn't such a good idea because I have no idea what I'm confirming.

Outside, I rush to hail a cab, thankful when one finally stops. Alice and I slide in easily, shutting the door.

"Follow the ambulance." I state, pulling my wallet out of my front pocket.

"Are you crazy? I could get a - "

"Fucking DO IT!" I spit, throwing cash at him. Alice jumps at the sound of my voice but doesn't say anything. The tension level is too high, she knows how it goes. The cab driver doesn't say anything else, he just waits for the ambulance to pull out.

Thankfully the traffic isn't too bad and we pull up to the hospital in a couple of minutes. I don't wait for Alice, I just get out and follow the EMTs carrying my Bella through the doors. I don't register the fact that it's snowing or that neither Alice nor I has on a jacket, I just follow.

I follow them right up to the doors, and I'm about to walk through them until someone has the nerve to get in my way.

"Sir! You can't go back there," Whoever the fuck stops me get pushed up against the wall roughly and I barely notice that I pull back my fist -

"Edward!" Alice screeches, halting my fist in the air. My vision clears for a second and I actually notice the person I'm about to hit. He's about my age, with dark hair and pale skin, wearing a nametag that says "Demetri" with a heart over the 'I'.

"Edward, stop it!" Alice whines from behind me. I drop the guy from the wall and look into the plexiglass of the door, noticing that the EMTs are gone, and so is Bella.

Fuck.

"Edward, come on," Alice whimpers, pulling on the long sleeve of my shirt. She tugs me over to some plastic chairs and makes me sit down next to her. She presses into my side and I wrap my arm around her. But when her body begins to shake, I take my arm from around her and stand up, because I can't take her crying right now. I just can't. I've had enough of the constant angst level for now. It's too much.

So I walk outside, where it's snowing and cold, and lean against the wall, wishing I had a cigarette, if not something else.

"You look like you could use one of these," I hear a deep voice to my right. A stubby man to my right hands me a cigarette. I don't know what kind it is and I don't care, I just take it.

"Here," he says, passing me a lighter. It's an Ed Hardy lighter, with dragons and full lips. I almost smirk as I use it.

"I'm Harry," he says as I pass it back. I bring the cigarette to my lips and inhale, the sweet nicotine filling me up inside.

The irony of this situation doesn't elude me.

"I don't give _two fucking shits_ ," I mutter, blowing smoke from my nose like the dragon from Harry's lighter.

He says something back that I guess is supposed to make me feel threatened, in which I respond by shoving my blood caked fist into his nose.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Two in one day? Hell yeah! Maybe another later. :)**

 _Chapter 16: Young Doctors_

BPOV

It doesn't take long for me to remember what I'm doing on a hospital gurney with tubes all over me. It's far too familiar.

My body is achy, and I reckon it's the hard mattress underneath me that is the reason I'm so uncomfortable. I'd like to think so. It's a little cold in my room and the white sheets are too crisp to wrap around me like I want them too, but I'm too weak to complain. The room is ordinary, blue curtains, pasty wallpaper, beeping machines, except it's not empty. Alice is by my side, asleep on the recliner with her mouth wide open. Her short hair is draped over her face and she looks even more awkward than I feel. I wonder where her cousin is.

I open my mouth to say her name but the stale taste of my breath makes me swallow involuntarily. I lick my lips and try again.

"Alice," I murmur. She doesn't move. "Alice. Alice." It's a lost cause.

I settle back into my frigid little bed and try to think about yesterday's catastrophes.

The first thing that I think about is my mother. Had I been the reason for her heart attack? Did I contribute to it in any way? _These are are rhetorical questions. Yes and yes. It's your fault,_ Agnes nods.

And I can't even argue because maybe if I would have called her more, or made more of an effort then she'd be okay. Agnes is right. It is my _fault_. My mother was perfectly healthy when I left her, she wasn't overweight and as far as I can tell she's still a vegan and runs for an hour on the treadmill. But that doesn't mean anything does it? Heart attacks can happen to anyone.

 _Still your fault._

What had my father called me? A 'selfish brat'? God, he was so right. I am a selfish brat, so ungrateful it should be a crime. My life wasn't that bad, it could have been worse. Sure, I couldn't do anything with my parents around, I couldn't be myself – let alone _find_ myself. But if I could go back in time, I would have stayed back in Virginia. It's a small price to pay for my mother's health.

What if she's disabled or something? What if she's paralyzed or loses her ability to talk? It'd be all my fault, it is my fault. Just the thought of that made tears sting in my eyes.

God, as soon as I'm out of this damned hospital I'm going back to Charlottesville. Charlottesville, _that's all_ it is to me now. It isn't home, but it doesn't matter. I have to go back and help my dad, help my mother, I have to beg for my parent's forgiveness.

They were so right about everything.

But what if they didn't want me back home? Where would I go? Back to New York?

These questions continue to fill up my head when a young nurse comes in to check on me.

"Hello Isabella, how are you feeling today?" she asks me with a gentle smile.

"Bella. I'm fine." I correct halfheartedly, wiping at my face and struggling to sit up. The nurse, whose name tag reads "Annie" helps me.

"These sheets are a little rough, aren't they? We try to keep them crisp, but apparently crisp and sandpaper are synonyms." she jokes, tucking her short red hair behind her ear. I just shrug. "Right, well." she says, tinkering with my IV. "The doctor should be here in a couple of minutes, okay?"

"Okay." When she leaves, I lean my head back against the wall and wait for those couple of minutes.

{~'~}

"So when can I leave?" I ask Dr. Whitlock after I've swallowed the rest of my pills. He scratches the space between his eyebrows and looks down at his chart.

"Well Ms. Swan, because of your pre-existing conditions, we want to keep you here for another couple of days, just to be safe."

"A couple of days? Why-"

"It's the policy, Ms. Swan. I'm sorry." he cuts me off. "We just want to make sure you're completely stable before we send you home."

"I _am_ stable. I'm perfectly fine!" I exclaim, throwing my hands up. A couple of days turn can turn into a couple of weeks really fast in a hospital, especially for me. I know that and the doctor knows that I know that. I narrow my eyes at him. Dr. Whitlock shifts from foot to foot and looks down at his chart again.

"Well," he clears his throat.

"How old are you?" I ask him, crossing my arms.

"My age isn't really - "

" _How old are you_?" I say again.

"I'm twenty-nine, Ms. Swan." he says, looking a little uncomfortable under my glare.

"Twenty-nine," I scoff. I know I'm acting difficult but I can't help it. This hospital is holding me up from my priorities. I have to get to Virginia.

"Yes. Ms. Swan, Long QT Syndrome is a very rare disease and we just don't want to take any chances. You took quite the spill yesterday and - "

I lean my head back and sigh throughout my nose. I'm never going to get out of here. I let Dr. Whitlock talk about my condition and do my best to tune him out. I'm tired of hearing about it, I know what I have, I know how rare it is. I don't want to have some doctor that's barely starting to grow a mustache lecture me on it.

This is news to Alice though. I know she's sitting forward, hanging on to his every word. As soon as her phone rang she'd woken up, took the call outside and then came back inside to glare at me. She didn't say anything, which was surprising, she just glared. As soon as Dr. Whitlock walked in though, the glare dissolved and her eyes went big. She's been giving him goo-goo eyes for the past five minutes and I'm willing to bet my flat screen that she has drool dripping from her chin.

Not that I can blame her though. Dr. Whitlock is very attractive. He's tall with curly blond hair that's slicked back in some suave 1950's do, with perfect straight teeth and not only that, but he has a thick Texan accent.

I've seen better though.

"- and we just can't take that risk with you." he finishes with a swift nod.

"Fine," I shrug, because that's all I can really do.

"Okay? Okay." he sighs, proud of himself. "Besides, I'm sure your friend here won't mind keeping you company, would you. . .?"

Alice snaps out of it for a second, blinking repeatedly.

"Alice! Alice, I'm Alice. Hi," she stutters breathily, sticking out her hand. Dr. Whitlock smiles a wide straight smile and takes her hand into his to shake it.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you Alice - " as soon as their hands make contact, they both gasp and go wide eyed, their hands stilling in mid-air. They stare into eachother's eyes for about thirty seconds before I clear my throat. "Well, i-it's lovely to finally meet you."

Finally?

"Yes," Alice agrees. A blush begins to appear in her cheeks but she doesn't break eye contact.

"I'm Jasper," he says, still grasping her hand.

"Yes, well," I say from behind him. "It's all really lovely that we're on first name basis and all."

They both startle a little at the sound of my voice, Jasper dropping her hand, Alice frowning at the loss of contact, I infer.

"Indeed," Jasper agrees. "Well, I must be getting back. To work. I have to get back to work. People to save and all that."

"Uh huh," I snicker, watching him walk backwards toward the door, his eyes still on a blushing Alice.

"What was that?" I ask her when he's out of sight, but probably still lingering at the door.

"I don't know," she says, still blinking away. She sighs, shakes her head and then looks at me. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she says, narrowing her eyes at me. "You know we have to talk right?"

"Yeah," I mumble, picking at my sheet. "I know."

"But not right now. I have to go," she says, standing up and straightening out her clothes.

"Where are you going?"

"Well first, I have to go shower and get some clothes to wear. I slept in jeans and my ass feels raw."

"Ew," I blanch.

"Right. And my hair, oh god, my hair needs to be tamed. And then I'm going to pick up some food. And then I'm going to pick up Edward from the station and then - "

"The station?" I ask, automatically sitting up.

"Yeah," she groans. "He got arrested last night."

" _He WHAT?"_ I shriek. "Is he okay? For what?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He, um, got in a fight with some guy after . . ." she mumbles something. "Broke his nose - "

"Who broke whose nose?" I prompt.

"Edward."

"Edward's nose is _broken_?" I shriek again, balling my fists in the covers. Alice rolls her eyes.

"No, he broke the other guy's nose - "

"So, he's fine?" I ask.

"Yeah, Bella." Alice sighs. "He's fine. He had to stay the night, the guy didn't press charges I think, but he had to stay there anyway."

"Oh, okay." I say, relaxing as much as the bed lets me."Then it's alright."

"I guess. Listen, are you gonna be okay if I leave? I mean, I don't mind letting Edward wait it out or - "

"No, Alice. I'll be okay. Go get Edward. And then bring him here." I add. "Please."

"Are you sure, because - "

"Yeah, Alice I'm sure. Go take a shower, you probably stink." I joke lightly.

"I do not!"

"Yeah, whatever. I don't know how Dr. Jasper could stand it -"

Alice starts to laugh, blushing at the same time.

"I wouldn't be talking, Ms. Bed-pan. What would Edward say if he saw - "

"Okay! Okay!" I cut her off, waving my arms. She laughs, I laugh, and for a moment I forget that we're in a hospital. Until she looks back up at me seriously.

"You, hold on or whatever until I get back, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can." Alice grabs her purse and kisses me on the forehead.

"Alice, I'm not gonna die." I say, but she won't meet my gaze.

"I'll be back," she says again, and then she leaves.

 _I'm not gonna die_ , I repeat to myself. _Everything is okay_.

But then why do I feel like something is terribly wrong?


	17. Chapter 17

****

**AN: :3 Hi guys!**

* * *

 _Chapter 17: Don't Leave_

BPOV

After having a few CAT scans done, I am rolled back into my room. The nurses busy around me, re-wrapping the gauze on my head and replacing it with a smaller bandage. I wince as they do it, grumbling and flinching frequently. The stitches are tended to, making me flinch even more. I didn't know that I had actually fallen that hard, but I guess that's because I was down for the count before I could actually feel it. Thank god for small favors.

It's terribly boring in this room. I try to find something on TV, but of course paid programming occupies most of the stations – the ones that work anyway. The little remote attached to my bed is broken, I have to press really hard to change the channel. Right now, I'm watching some documentary on the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire. I can't be sure, but I think it's a triple feature but I'm too aggravated to actually turn the channel again. After a while though, I get tired of seeing the same old black and white photos and spend a whole minute pressing the power button on the remote. I bury myself in the covers and try to get some sleep, which comes after a while of staring at the wall.

{~'~}

I awaken with a migraine. It's above my left eye and throbs when I blink, which makes me wince, which in turn makes it throb some more so I decide to just close my eyes.

"Aw, look she's asleep!" Alice whispers from the door. I hesitantly open my eyes to see her standing in the doorway in clean clothes and a soft smile on her face. Edward is beside her and his face is blocked by the very large neon pink bear in his arms. He's wearing jeans and a gray jacket over a black Giants t-shirt, his hair looking slightly wet and electrified. My head feels a little better immediately when I see his face.

"Or not," Alice says with a little giggle. "How are you feeling?"

"Crappy. My head hurts," I mumble, trying to sit a little straighter as she comes to sit beside me on the recliner. I watch Edward look around the room for an empty seat before he settles at the foot of my bed, moving my feet aside.

"Probably from yelling at the doctors so much," Alice points out with a smirk.

"I'm sure they get much worse from the pregnant women." I shrug awkwardly. I look up at Edward, who's picking at the bear. As if he could feel my eyes on him, his green eyes flicker to mine.

"This is for you," he holds up the bear, tilting it side to side and gradually bringing it closer as if the bear was walking. "Love me." he says in a high pitched voice, making me smile.

"Thank you," I say, taking it and hugging it to my chest. Oh, _god_. It _smells_ like him. Did he rub it all over his skin when he bought it? I take a deep lungful of it and sigh. Eventually I bring my eyes up to meet his again and smirk. "So, I hear you got in trouble with the law last night."

"That's an understatement! Do you know how hard it was to smuggle him in here? I'm surprised they didn't take your picture or something last night." Alice huffs.

"They did at the police station."

"So what's it like to have a mug shot?" I ask him. Edward rolls his eyes at me and pokes at my legs through the blanket.

"It's an experience," he says, his hand still on my leg. My cheeks grow hot under the contact and I look down at his hand, which lingers and smooths tiny circles around my ankle. Despite the blush, I find myself relaxing underneath him.

"You have too much experience," she mumbles, bending over to pull a large fleece blanket out of a bag. "I brought this for you. I know those sheets must scratch the hell out of your skin." she stands up and opens the blanket and then drapes it over me, looking as if she's about to tuck me in.

"Alice, I can do that. I'm not - "

"I know, I know," she shushes me, tucking it around me and the bear. "I also brought you some magazines and food. I hope you don't mind, but we, and by we, I mean Edward, broke into your apartment and took a couple of your books and some snacks from your cabinet. I've got Nutri-Grains and bananas and, well, whatever the hell this is. You have a whole Trader Joe's in your cabinet, Bella. Where's the sugar?"

"It's in there," I assure her, my voice thick with emotion. I see my copy of Wuthering Heights and pick it up, a smile breaking out on my face.

"Yeah, well I didn't see it. It's a good thing we stopped at Walgreens. You like chocolate right?" she asks. I'm too speechless to respond, so I just watch her dump out a bag full of candy onto my bed. Snickers, Crunch, Twix and Whatchamacallit's pile up on my bed. "I also got you this," she holds up a neck pillow. "Because if those pillows are anything like the cushions on the recliner, you're going to wake up with the neck cramp of your life." with eyes full of tears, I look up at Edward who's watching me carefully, an emotion on his face that I can't understand.

"Alice - " I start.

"I know you're not really interested in celebrity gossip, but I hoped maybe you could pick up on some of the fashion in there." she jokes lamely, her voice cracking a little. "But I got you a Time and Life magazine too, because you're pretty smart and these were the smartest ones I could find. Um, this one's about brain neurology and I figured you might want to read it because, you know, you hit your head. Oh, here's a crossword puzzle. God damnit, I forgot to get a pen though. I think I have on in my purse," she mumbles, trying to clear her throat. Her hands are shaking as she rifles through her purse until she pulls one out. "Here." she lays it down on the bed.

"Alice?" I move my head around to catch eye contact with her.

"Yes?" she asks, straightening out her clothes.

"Look at me?" when she does, I see her eyes are as cloudy as mine. "Thank you." I say as sincerely as I can, reaching for her hand. I want her to know how grateful I am for her and her cousin, how much I love and appreciate them both. I want to tell her that she's my best friend and that I am okay, that things like this happen to me all of the time. My eyes burn into hers for a couple seconds and I feel like she understands what I'm trying to tell her. Her small hand pats mine.

"What are friends for?" she asks, dropping her eyes again. "Um, I have to go do something so I'll be back in an hour, okay? Oh!" she moves her hand away from mine to pull my phone out of her bag. "I thought you might want this, to make calls or whatever." she places it on the bed and smooths out her clothes again, looking like she wants to say something before she nods once and swings her purse over her shoulder and walks out of the door.

Neither of us say anything when Alice leaves. I expect Edward to go chase after her but he just stays at the foot of my bed, rubbing my ankle. So many questions are running through my head, which continues to ache, even with the feel of Edward's touch. My mouth starts to move on its own, and I'm not sure if it's under the influence of Agnes or not.

"She thinks I'm going to die, doesn't she?" Edward takes a sharp intake of breath and the rubbing stops and then continues again.

"I don't think that's it, necessarily. She just doesn't want anything to happen to you. She cares about you. We both. . . care about you."

"I know. It's just. . ." how do I phrase this?

"Just what?" he asks, inching a little closer to me, his hand inching up as well. I don't protest though, his touch is gentle and yes, unfamiliar, but natural as well.

"It's a. . . it's sort of a -"

"A buzz kill?"

"Yes. I mean, no. Sort of." I hedge.

"She loves you, Bella. She's worried - "

"I _know_ that, Edward! I know she's worried, and I appreciate the sentiment, but Christ! I'm tired of everyone worrying about me!" I shout, my head pounding as a result. "I am so sick of everyone _worrying_ , I am so sick of everyone poking and prodding at me and attending to me, I just want. . ." I feel the loss of his hand and I frown.

"What?" he asks, his voice husky.

"I don't even know!" I exclaim with a hard laugh. Tears begin to slide down my face. "I came here to figure all of that stuff out, I wanted to just escape and now I feel like everything is just biting me in the rear. "

"How?" he asks, scooting even closer to me. I shrug, sniffling. "Look at me Bella." I bring my wrist under my nose and sniff, I know it's gross but he doesn't seem to care. I look up at him and, just damn. His green eyes are narrowed softly at me, his lips slightly open so his breath fans across my face. Apples and gummy bears, an odd combination for a man's breath, but perfect for him. "What's wrong?"

"I feel like I keep messing everything up. I should have just s-stayed in Virginia." I murmur. His hand goes to cup my face and I lean into it.

"I'm glad you're here," he says, his other hand coming around my back. He's so close to me and I've never felt so right ever in my life. I don't deserve it and, stupid me, I try to untangle myself from him.

"I'm going back," I lean further away, trying to clear my head.

"No," he says, leaning into me. "You're staying here. With Alice. With me." I start to shake my head, but his hand holds it still. His eyes flicker up to mines, then back to my lips.

And the look he gives me, it just stalls my heart.

But the kiss he gives me, it starts it back up again.


	18. Chapter 18

_Chapter 18:Greedy_

BPOV

My eyes are still open when Edward presses his lips to mine. For a moment I just watch his face, how his bronze eye lashes almost touch his cheeks and how purple is smudged underneath his eyes as if he hasn't gotten any sleep lately. After a second, I close my eyes and it all gets infinitesimally better.

His lips are full and warm, molding and pressing to mine to the point that my lips eventually move with his. There is a tingle coursing through my body from my neck, down my spine and to my toes, which curl and pinch the sheets. I can feel Edward's stubble on my chin and cheeks as he tilts his head a little. The new angle opens up my lips and I unconsciously take a breath.

I'm being kissed for the first time ever, by Edward Cullen, a man. My head is swimming and swirling and I'm not even trying to throw a buoy out to reel it in because Edward's body and Edward's scent is wrapping around me in the most delicious of ways. I don't want to think. I just want to feel him, everything about him.

Edward, Edward Edward. What else could I possibly need?

I think I love him.

His hand is rubbing across my back, tightening my hospital gown between his fingers and pressing my body to his. His other hand is cradling my face, his thumb sweeping under my eyes to catch any stray tears, then moving toward the back of my neck, causing me to arch even more into him.

My hands are still on the bed, my fingernails scrunching the sheets as my toes do. I don't exactly know what to do with them, but when I feel Edward's tongue on my lip, they seem to figure it out. They touch him, I touch him, right there, on the sides of his torso, almost at his hips, but above that. His jacket is still on but my hands find his shirt, and then they find his skin. His skin is soft but firm and I find myself pressing him to me.

Meanwhile, Edward's tongue is licking my bottom lip, trying to pry it open in the most gentle of ways.

Thank God I used mouthwash before he got here.

I open my mouth to him and inhale his heady scent, whimpering a little as his tongue meets mine. It feels. . . wet, as a tongue should. His tongue swipes against mine and I press his body closer to me. Then I do something even he doesn't expect. As his tongue tangles with mine, I moan.

Hm. He doesn't have much of a mayo mouth, after all.

His mouth tastes like nothing I've ever tasted before, and I become greedy for it. Edward must be greedy for me too because his hand that's on my back slides lower. To the side of my hip, then along the side of my bottom, down my thigh, under my knee. He grips it for a second, before he pulls it up over his hip, my legs knocking my hands up higher. Then he does something that brings us back into focus.

He presses himself into me even more. His hips do this slow rolling thing that brings something into the apex between my thighs, something big that creates a friction -

 _Oh, my God -_

 _Beep. Beep. Beep, beep, beep, beeep beeeep, beeepbeeeeeep, beeee -_

EPOV

I don't mean to do it. I think. I don't know. For a second I'm just as clueless as her. But her body is so warm and so small, but with subtle curves that feel right against my hands. We fit. So I kiss her. This is what I want, more than anything, I discover.

I've never felt something like this before. I've never felt so good or so right in my life. Or maybe I have, but _not like this._

The sweet taste of her, it clouds up my head in a familiar way. It's great. I need more. I press myself to her. I want her to feel how much I need her, how much I want her. How much I crave her.

Bella is my fix, she's my heroin. But not quite. She's more. I think. I don't know. I'm just as clueless as her.

I grind myself into her, not quite noticing how her body freezes up until I hear the machine next to her. But even then I don't stop completely.

Bella is my fix. She's addicting, she's _good_. And I am greedy for good things, things that can take me out of my mind and wrap around me. This is what she is doing.

So I can't stop. I _won't._ I haven't felt this way in such a long time. I can't stop. She feels too good. Christ, she's _brilliant_.

But the beeping of the fucking machine. I have to stop. Or else.

Reluctantly, slowly, I pull away. I watch as she blinks, her eyes cloudy. She falls back into the bed, weak and tired. I wait until her breathing slows. Then I wait until the beeping slows.

Something is racing through my veins, my tongue is curling, my mind is coming back me.

I want more. Watching Bella lay back, limp and alive, I realize that I want _her_. But I can't have her. She'll leave, they always do. She told me she was leaving herself. And what a fucking slap in the face that is.

She's going to leave me.

I take a step back. And another, the taste of her still on my tongue. I swallow and turn for the door.

I'm going to find me something that won't leave. I pull out my phone as I stumble down the hallway, pushing past people until I reach the elevator.

I scroll to the T's.

 _Do it, do it, do it_ , my body chants.

 _Do it_ , my mind agrees. _She'll leave. She's going to leave._

I find her number.

 _Do it_ , the little voices chant together, in chorus, like a beautiful song.

I press the green button.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Sorry for the lapse in days! Hope you are all doing well. I know a lot of you are worried about Edward. . . Not that this chapter will be much help.**

* * *

 _Chapter 19: Confessions_

BPOV

Oh my God. That's all I can say, over and over. He kissed me. Edward Cullen kissed me. My head is rushing and my body is tingling and I have no idea what to do, or how to move or what to say. I don't think I want to.

Even Agnes is stunned.

After a while my body starts to calm down and the machine next to me. Jesus, he has to know what he does to me. That machine was just a little too frantic. I hear his footsteps and the sound of his jacket hitting the door frame and I slowly open my eyes. Yep, he's gone. I should feel a little disappointed, but I'm too blissed out to care that he's gone. I'm actually a little relieved, what would I say to him?

My god, he actually kissed me! And not only that but. . . he wanted me. In that way a man wants a woman. I _felt_ his want for me. My cheeks are burning at the memory and Christ, I can still feel him on me. Going back to Virginia is starting to sound like a horrible idea.

I grab up my teddy bear and inhale his scent. This is how Alice finds me twenty minutes later, curled up in fetal position with a smile on my face, furiously sniffing my big neon bear.

"Hey," she says, a knowing smile on her face.

"Hello," I grin at her stupidly, sitting up and tucking the bear under my chin. I notice the big bag she's holding and I cringe. "Alice, you didn't. . ."

"No," she laughs, dropping the bag on the floor and crawling up the bed. "I figure we could have a makeshift slumber party! I brought popcorn and my portable DVD player. We can watch 50/50 and talk about stuff."

"Sounds perfect!" I beam, grabbing a Twix from beside me. Alice smiles at my enthusiasm and starts unpacking her bag.

"Perfect, huh? What's got you so happy Miss Lady? Edward cop a feel or something?" I automatically duck my head and blush, not saying anything. I was always a horrible liar. "Bella?"

"Yes?" I ask, biting my lip.

"Oh my GOD! Your lips are swollen!" she shouts, her eyes going big. "What. Happened?" I can't contain the grin breaking out on my face, might as well tell her, right?

"Oh Alice, he kissed me!" I exclaim, taking a bite of my Twix.

"No!"

"Yes! On the lips! Jesus Alice, it was perfect. The best kiss ever, not that I have anything to compare it to but still. I just. . . God, I think I love him. Like really, really love him." my eyes are starting to get filmy with tears and the grin on my face is making my cheeks hurt.

"Well, it's about fucking time!"

"I would have waited forever, I think." I confess with a mouth full of caramel. Alice's eating habits have definitely made an impact on me.

"I know you would have," she says, rolling her eyes. "So what happened afterward?"

"Well, um. . ." I hedge, not knowing how much to tell her. Would it be totally gross to go into detail with her? I mean, Edward is her cousin after all.

"Spit it out, Bella! No need for censorship here. I've had enough of that." I nod.

"Well, he kind of - " how do I explain it?

"Bella," Alice prompts.

"Sorry. He um, put his body to mine?" I explain. Alice looks confused for a second.

"Um, isn't that what he's supposed to do?"

Was it?

"No, he put his, um, lower body to mine." Alice raises her eyebrows. "His penis, Alice! I felt his penis!" Alice's eyes go big and her jaw drops. She sputters for a couple seconds.

"You WHAT? Bella! Jesus Murphy, just because you kissed doesn't mean you have to give him a hand job!"

"A what?"

"A hand. . . God, I forget how inexperienced you are sometimes. Did you, ya know, touch him? Naked?"

"What? No!"

"Then through his clothes? Oh, Bella, you're dirty," she smirks and wrinkles her nose at me.

"No, I . . . he put, I mean," I take a deep breath and sift through my vocabulary. "He grinded against me."

"Oh! He humped you," she nods.

"Alice," I groan, hiding my face behind my hands. The Twix thwaps against my forehead.

"Bella, it's nothing to be ashamed of!"

"It is for me," I groan.

"Did you like it?"

"Alice!"

"Well, did you?" she asks, laughing and trying to pry my hands from my face. She jerks hard and takes my hands in hers. I try to hide my face. "Take that as a yes," she snickers.

"I couldn't help it," I shrugged.

"So what happened after that? Or do I want to know?" she cackles evilly. I give her a look and she laughs again. "Well?"

"My heart started going crazy. It was so embarrassing, Alice. I mean, the freaking machine was echoing in the room. I'm surprised no one came in."

"They probably did but saw what you were doing," she smirks.

"Thanks, Alice. That really makes me feel better!" I cross my arms.

"What happened after that?" she picks up a candy bar but keeps eye contact with me. She seems genuinely interested despite the details I provide or lack thereof. I've never been one for girl talk or socialization in general, but this is kind of fun.

"Well, we stopped kissing and then he kind of left. But - "

"Wait, he _left_? Or stepped out for a second?"

"Left. But - "

"That asshole! You don't leave a girl after kissing them! That leaves the wrong impression and - "

"I didn't really mind Alice," I didn't.

"Bull shit! You'll mind later when it gets awkward and you guys stop talking. Jesus Christ," she pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket and begins punching in numbers.

"Alice, you're not going to call him are you?"

"I am! That mother fucker, Esme raised him better than that."

"I don't think - " I start but she holds up a finger. Alice crosses her arm over her chest and waits. After a while she pulls her phone away, only to punch the number in again.

"Alice," I plead. This was beyond embarrassing. I didn't need her to defend me, I just wanted her to act like I hadn't said anything and keep it between us, but _no._

"Now I _know_ he's avoiding me. It went straight to voicemail. Hand me your phone." she says, reaching for it.

"What? No! No, Alice." I grab my phone and put it behind my back but she reaches for it. "Alice!"

"Gimee it!" she says.

"No!" I hold it above my head and when she stands up on her knees, I burst out laughing.

"Bella, just - "

"No, Alice! This has gone far enough. Chill out - "

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," a deep voice comes from the doorway. Both Alice and I freeze and look towards the sound, both of us hopeful.

My heart sinks. Alice's probably races.

"Um, no. Not at all." Alice says, quickly sitting back on the bed and pulling down her shirt. When she pulls it down, her cleavage shows a bit more than the shirt should allow. Her plan, I'm sure. Dr. Whitlock, or Jasper, smiles at her lazily which makes Alice blush a little.

"How's my favorite patient?" Dr. Whitlock asks, swaggering toward me and my machines. I snicker at him.

"We're fine," I say, discreetly trying to hide the candy under my blanket.

"I see you had a bit of a scare today," he lifts up a sheet of paper coming from the ECG. "What happened?"

Oh God, kill me now.

"Um?" I ask nervously as Alice starts laughing.

"Your heart beat reached 220 today, almost 140 beats over your AHR," he explains. Alice tries to muffle her laughter.

"Oh, um."

"Your charts seem to be fine other than that, but if you're heart rate is starting to become irregular we may need to -"

"No, no, it's fine."

"Fine?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, I just got. . . a little excited today." I mumble, trying to hide my blush.

"I can see that, Miss Swan. But was it voluntary?"

 _Oh, it was very voluntary._

"Yeah, _Bella_ ," Alice drawls. "Was it voluntary?"

"You aren't helping," I accuse, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Miss Swan?" Dr. Whitlock prompts, looking between the two of us, lingering on Alice. Seeing how I'm struggling with my words, Alice speaks up for me.

"She was fine, doc. Just had a little encounter with her boyfriend today." Alice assures, batting her eyelashes at him.

 _Boyfriend?_

"Oh, hm." Dr. Whitlock shifts around. "Must be some guy." I duck my head and blush.

"Eh, he's alright." Alice mutters, glancing at my phone.

"Not quite meet up to your standards, Miss Alice?" Dr. Whitlock jokes, flashing her a smile.

"Nope," she says. And then quieter, "But you do."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Oh, nothing." she covers, smiling angelically.

"Well," he says, looking down at his charts. "I'm sure one day you'll find someone who does."

"What makes you think I haven't already?" she asks, smiling coyly at him. Ew. Dr. Whitlock frowns a little and swallows.

"May the best man win," he grunts. _Then he drops his chart and kisses her, madly professing his love._

No, I'm kidding. But darn if it isn't obvious already.

"Alice, please. She's single," I assure him with a wink. That seems to brighten Dr. Whitlock up quite a bit.

"Hopefully not for long," Alice mumbles.

"Hm?" Dr. Whitlock asks.

"Nothing," she shrugs again.

"Alice, can you give us a minute?" I ask her. "I think they're serving ice cream in the cafeteria tonight." She looks a bit reluctant to leave, but nods. Once we're alone, I turn to him.

"We're going to have to up the dosage on Propanolol for a while because of today."

I nod. I knew this.

"But, we will be lowering the others, namely Nebivolol because you're blood pressure should be lowered to 120/80 mmHg with the Propanolol and we don't want to risk hypertension."

"And my ICD?"

"It seems to be working just fine. I don't think we'll have to replace it anytime soon. Your last surgery was three years ago?" he asks, not bothering to check. I nod. "They're usually changed every four to six years, so that may not be an issue right now. How's your head?"

"It's a little achy." I wince.

"I see. May I?" he asks, putting down his chart. I hesitate a little but agree. He quickly checks my bandage, brushing my hair aside. "You're stitches look fine." he carefully removes the bandage and places it in the waste bin. I feel him applying a new one. "I say two weeks at the most."

"Two weeks?" I raise my eyebrows.

"If all goes well. Propranolol may ease the pain a little. It might be a good idea to keep your boyfriend at bay, though." he jests.

I'm tempted to tell him that he's not my boyfriend but I decide it isn't his business. Speaking of which. . .

"That reminds me. Are you going to ask Alice out or not?" I ask boldly. Dr. Whitlock clears his throat and adjusts his tie.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

I scoff.

"Cut the crap, Jasper. Are you or are you not?"

"I um," he looks nervous and flips the paper or his clipboard back and forth just for something to do. "Do you think she's interested?"

"Of course she is!"

"And she's single, you say?"

"Yep."

"Well in that case, I think I will." he smiles at me so big that I can't help smiling back.

"You better get to the cafeteria then."

"Yeah! I'll just. . ." he waves his clipboard at me and tries to keep the smile off his face. "Page me if you need anything, okay?" and with that he's gone.

Several minutes later Alice flies into my room, her hair swaying and grin big, holding up her phone and saying, "Look what I got!"

{~'~}

"So," Alice begins, pulling out the nail polish and toe separators. This is it.

"Yes?"

"Why. . . I just want to know why you didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me, you know, that you were sick?"

"Because I'm not," I shrug. Alice sighs.

"Bella - "

"I'm really not, Alice. Despite what you think, I'm not. I have a deficiency, yes. But I have a lot of things that keep me alive, a lot of technical things that you wouldn't understand."

"Is that why you didn't tell me, because you didn't think I'd understand?"

"No, it just. . . never came up." Alice laughs at this.

"Right because that's the first thing you ask someone when you meet them. Hello, I'm Alice! Do you have any diseases I should know about before you hit your head on the floor and go into a coma?"

"I didn't go into a coma, Alice." I roll my eyes.

"Whatever, Bella. But why didn't you tell me anyway? I thought we were friends." she looks down.

"We are friends, Alice. You are the very best friend I've ever had."

"Well, you're supposed to tell your friends stuff like that, Bella. It's important."

"Okay, Alice. I'm sorry and I promise, I will never keep anything big like that away from you again."

"Okay. Anything else I should know about? You weren't born a man or anything, right?" she jokes.

"No, all woman."

"Edward will be glad," she snickers. Alice pulls out a pretty teal color. "What do you think?" I nod and she begins to paint my toes. "So what do I need to know about this Long QT Syndrome?"

"What do you want to know?" I hedge. Alice continues to paint despite her next question.

"Is it fatal?"

"It can be."

"Hm." she swallows.

"But Alice, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to die from it. I have stuff."

"Stuff, right." We're quiet for a while. "Is it curable?"

"No," I sigh. "But I - "

"Yeah, I know Bella. You have stuff. What happens when you have it? Like, what does it even mean?"

I take a deep breath. How can I put this as simply as I can without freaking her out or better yet making me freak out?

"No censorship." she reminds me.

Here goes.

"It means that my heart's electrical activity is messed up. I have a rather frantic heart and it doesn't have a set rhythm which can cause a lot of problems."

"Like?" she moves onto the next foot.

"No censorship?" she nods.

"Fainting, seizures, sudden death, blurred vision and weakness. Mostly just fainting though."

"Oh. Lovely. How do you prevent all of that?"

"I have an ICD and -"

"English please?" she smiles a little which breaks up the tension in the air.

"An implantable cardioverter defibrillator. "

"What does it do?"

"It restores my irregular heartbeat, the fatal ones at least, by delivering electrical shocks to my heart."

"Oh, ouch. Does it hurt?"

"Well, a little. It's more of a jolt than anything. But it does its job so I can't really complain."

"I'd complain." Alice mumbles."What else?"

"I take a lot of medication, which you probably already know. That usually does the trick and reduces the amount of shocks my heart receives. Um, I have to get surgery every five years to replace my ICD and I make frequent trips to my cardiologist every month. That's where I am every Tuesday when you want me to go shopping and I say I have something to do."

"Jesus Bella, how do you stand it?" she asks, putting the lid back on the polish.

"I don't really have a choice." I shrug. "Besides, life's not so bad."

"I wish I had that out look years ago," she says, sighing.

"What do you mean?" I pull the bag of polish towards me.

"You weren't the only one keeping things to yourself. I should tell you about my past, since we're both talking about important things."

"Okay," I nod.

"I can trust you, right Bella? I mean, I know I can but, don't judge me. Just, promise not to judge me and I'll tell you everything."

"I would never judge you Alice, I promise." I say, a little surprised on how hesitant she is. What happened that was so bad that I would judge her for?

"Okay. Where do I begin?"

"The beginning would be good."

As Alice begins to talk, I find out the sins of her past, and contrary to what I promised, I have to try really hard not to judge her.


	20. Chapter 20

_Chapter 20: Alice's Confessions_

Alice POV

"It started when I was fifteen. Edward had been living with us for almost five years and we were extremely tight. My parents loved him to death, and I did too, but he wasn't right. You know, after his parents died. We don't blame him for his actions, it was totally understandable, but it seemed like no matter what we did, he was always angry. I can't imagine what it felt like for him, losing everything in one day and then having to move clear across the state within two months." I shake my head. "When he came to live with us, I was confused, I was only ten and Edward was twelve. I expected the worst, he never spoke but when he did. . . Yeah. But I was wrong about Edward. I was wrong about a lot of things.

"Me and Edward had a really tight bond, I could tell him things despite our age. He never told me much but from what he did, I appreciated. He was really protective of me, especially when _he_ came into my life. Felix, I mean. I met Felix when I was a freshman in high school, he was a junior. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was sitting outside, eating lunch with my friends, when all of the sudden this . . . gorgeous being walks up to me and asks me to homecoming. I was so stunned that I actually looked around to see if he was talking to someone behind me, which stupid because we were leaning against a wall," I laugh bitterly, picking at the nail polish label. "I should have told him no." I mumble, tears welling up in my eyes. God, how I wish I could take all that back, things would be so much more different. Bella reaches forward and grasps my hand, smiling at me encouragingly. I nod, wiping under my eyes carefully as to not smear my makeup. I have to confess to someone, to her, to be fair. If I don't, I feel like I'm going to explode of frustration and turn to the bottle again.

"Um. I said yes, of course, without fully thinking. I mean, what girl is going to turn down a date, with an upperclassman at that? I was so honored that he had asked me, not that I worried about not being able to find a date. I was popular and I had a lot of friends because of who my parents were. I had people busting their asses to sit next to me at lunch. I was the "it-girl", Felix was the "it-boy"."

"Um, what do your parents do again?" Bella asks, timidly.

"My Dad's a doctor, the best one in Forks, if not all of Washington. My mother is an interior designer." Bella nods in understanding. "Felix had moved all the way from Italy a year before, and he had one of those accents that made girls cream themselves. He could say "shit buckets" and still make it sound like a song. And by god Bella, when I say he was gorgeous, I mean fucking beautiful. He had the prettiest teeth ever, that's what I remember the most about him. His teeth of all things." I scoff at myself.

"Sometimes it's the little things we remember most," Bella says, patting my hand. Fuck, she's going to hate me. She's really going to hate me. I'm going to lose her as a friend, I know it. But I have to tell her. I look down at the electrodes and chords wrapping around her, the IV, then back up to her face.

"I guess."

"So what happened next?"

"Well, um, when I told my parents that I had been asked to homecoming by a junior, they demanded to meet him. I know they were hesitant about letting me go with someone two grades higher than me. Edward was two grades higher than me so I guess when I said junior, they automatically thought of Edward. But when they finally did meet Felix, they loved him, right off the bat. My mother was about infatuated as I was, Felix was incredibly charming and very smart, as soon as my dad found out that he wanted to be a doctor, it was like boom! Instant family. . . So we went to homecoming together and it was the best night of my life. Everyone was so jealous of me, especially the upperclass girls. They had been vying for his attention for the past year, so I understood why they were so upset when I, the freshman captured his attention. But it was so the other way around. I was. . . captivated by Felix, how he talked, what he did, what he liked, what he hated, I wanted to know everything about him. By the end of that night, I was pretty sure I loved him. He hadn't kissed me, but I didn't care. The next day I felt like I was walking on clouds and it only got better when Felix asked me out again to some party his parents were hosting. A lot of important people were going to be there and I had to look my best, I wanted to look my best for him. Felix was adamant about that, he even talked my mom into driving me all the way to Port Angeles to buy a dress.

"I ended up getting this silk burgundy dress with ruffles and I absolutely loved it. Edward told me I looked like a brick, he always had something against the color red, especially burgundy. don't know why," I muse, shrugging. "So when I show up at the party, all these people I don't know are there and for once, I felt so out of place. Felix's house was bigger than mine and I had to stay on his arm for the fear of getting lost, not that I minded. His parents were just as charming as him, but I don't his mother liked me very much. She approved of me as his date, but it didn't go much further than that. It bothered me, but Felix dismissed every inadequate insecurity I had. He must have told me how beautiful I was at least a thousand times that night. I ate that shit up.

"A couple of days afterward, Felix asks me to be his girlfriend and I say yes. Everyone was excited for me but Edward. I didn't get it, he kept saying that something wasn't right about Felix but couldn't say what. For a while, I just thought he was jealous that I had found someone else to spend my time with. Because that's all I did, hang out with Felix, study with Felix, shop with Felix, even. I lived and breathed Felix. He was like oxygen to me and I, to him. We had grown tighter than ever and a month later, we confessed our love for each other. Everything was perfect. Everyone thought so but Edward and it was pissing me off because he wasn't happy for me. I sort of needed his approval more than anything but he just wouldn't give it to me.

"Not long after a month, we, ya know, consummated that love. It was everything, I felt like I had found my prince charming, my forever. It's a great feeling Bella, you don't even know. To feel like you belong somewhere, with someone forever, that nothing could break you apart. Not even death." my voice cracks on that last part but I continue. I had tried death in my last attempt to ditch the memory of Felix. The scars on my wrist are reminders of how I had failed. How I couldn't even get death right.

"But Felix started acting funny afterward, extremely protective and jealous over me. It didn't bother me at first, I loved the attention and I thought that it was sweet how much he cared for me. It wasn't until he started accusing me of cheating on him that I figured that something was wrong. Something I didn't know how to fix. I tried to confide in my friends but they told me that I was doing something wrong, that I wasn't making him happy. So I tried harder. I talked to him every fucking hour, I ended all of my friendships with boys for him. "Love means sacrifice," one of my friends had told me. So I had to do as much as I could in order to keep him. I believed that, Bella. I really did. Then one day, I lose my phone and Felix goes absolutely ape-shit, accusing me of sleeping around on him."

His words still echo around me head.

" _You've been cheating on me, haven't you?"_

" _No!" I cried, trying to assure him of my fidelity. I step closer to him but he pushes me away._

" _Don't lie to me, Alice."_

" _I'm not, I swear! I lost my phone, I couldn't find it. Baby, believe me!"_

" _Bull SHIT!" he screams, pulling me to him by the neck of my shirt. He inhales deeply like he can smell another man on me. "I can smell them on you." and then he pushes me back hard enough that I stumble. "You fucking whore!" he screeches, his fists shaking._

" _Felix?" I ask, confused and hurt by his words and his force._

" _How long has this been going on? Who is it? Or who are they? I wouldn't be surprised if it was more than one at the same time, at that! How long has this been going on, huh?" he grabs me by my neck this time._

" _Felix! I -"_

" _Don't you FUCKING lie to me! How long?" his spit is landing all over my face and his face is terribly red, almost purple. Burgundy._

" _Felix, you're hurting me," I whimper, trying to pry his hands away from my neck._

" _Can't keep your fucking legs shut for a moment, huh Alice? Got to have someone in you all the time, don't you? Well maybe you forgot who the fuck you belong to!" his hands tighten. "You belong to me! You're mine. This cunt is mine, no one else's!" his words hurt, they sting like alcohol on a fresh wound. I continue to claw at his hands until he lets go, and I suck in the air so much it burns my lungs. I'm so distracted and my head is too fuzzy to realize that he's unbuckling his pants and pushing up my skirt, forcing himself into me, swallowing my screams with his mouth. He's raping me, right here on the kitchen floor. My family is gone to take Edward to a therapy session so there's no one to scream for. No one to run to._

" _Mine!" he screams, his fluid gushing between my legs._

"Alice!" Bella cries, grabbing me up in a hug, tears falling out of her eyes.

Had I said that out loud?

Gently, I push her away and take a deep breath. I'm not done, I'm just getting started.


	21. Chapter 21

**So this should clear up a lot of things. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

 _Chapter 21: Censorship at Its Worst_

Alice POV

"Well, did you tell anyone? I mean, what – what - ?" Bella sniffles, rubbing furiously at her eyes and staring at my neck as if she could see bruises. "I swear to God Alice, I swear to God - "

"Let me finish." I mumble, trying not to cry. If I don't get this out now, I never will. Bella nods but takes hold of my hand and doesn't let go. It's nice.

"Afterward, I was so stunned and sore that I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do, ya know? I loved Felix with every single atom in my body but he had just invaded me without permission. With force. But my love for him sort of shrouded all of that. And that confused me even more. So I just laid there, frozen and crying. And then Felix starts crying and it's like _fuck_ , it hurts to see him hurting so I hold him and I hold him and he holds me back and then he kisses me and I. . . I forgive him! Just like that, Bella. All he had to do was kiss me to get my forgiveness. That's sick, isn't it?"

Bella doesn't say anything, just clenches my hand harder.

"But it gets worse! The next day I have to wear a fucking turtle neck to school because it looks like I've been strangled by a boa constrictor. And it's summertime in Washington when this is happening. And no one notices that! It's not like it was ninety degrees or anything but still. And a part of me didn't want them to notice or know what had happened because I didn't want to get Felix in trouble. But now I look back and I'm like, fuck! These were my friends and family and no one is paying attention to how much concealer I'm buying or how I'm covering everything up! The only person who did was Edward and I betrayed him for it. "

"How?" Bella asks, but I pretend not to hear.

"He used to tease me about it all the time, "Turning into a turtle I see, Alice?" he'd even brought that fact up to Felix once and I damn near killed him over it. I was so confused, Bella. And I was so in love, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I was so convinced of what my friend had told me about sacrifice that I didn't tell anyone. I thought that if I really wanted Felix then I would have to accept him how he is and on his terms. So I did and the blows kept getting harder and harder and his words became so harsh that I was used to him calling me a whore when he was angry. I didn't get angry or fight him because I knew that if I did, it would only get worse.

"I didn't want to make him angry and I tried my best to avoid the triggers. I didn't bring up any boys around him and I didn't look at any boys around him or talk to any boys because I was afraid of the consequences. But it was so confusing because in public he was so different, so fucking sweet and caring that I forgot what life was like behind closed doors until they were opened. Until Edward opened them."

"What happened?"

"And then my parents start talking about marriage and babies and I just eat that shit up! It felt like all of my dreams were coming true and Felix didn't object to any of it so I thought he wanted that too with me someday. I brought it up to him one day when we were alone and he said that nothing would make him happier than to marry me and have little babies crawling around us. I was so happy that I thought we should get started right away, but he just laughed and said "soon". We had always been safe, you know, until that one time.

"Things were going so well for a while. He didn't hit me or accuse me of anything because he was always with me. And he was so sweet, Bella. He'd send me roses and just pop up at my doorstep and take me shopping and it was all I ever wanted. I wanted the attention he gave me and the . . . security. I wanted him to love me forever, as much as I loved him. But his graduation was coming up fast and I knew he wanted to go to college right away and I was so proud of him but, I couldn't bear to see him go. I wasn't stupid, I knew there were plenty of girls in UC Davis to keep him busy. He'd forget all about me, I knew that. So I got desperate and spent every moment that I could with him. And we had so much fucking sex that I could barely walk but I didn't fucking care because fucking _needed_ him. When you spend as much time with someone, as I did with Felix, you get attached. I couldn't lose him. It felt like I'd die.

"So in the heat of the moment, I convinced him to not wear a condom. I wished I could take it back in that very moment because I remember, his face changed so quickly and he got really angry all of the sudden. He started accusing me of trying to trap him and told me that I was keeping him from fulfilling his dreams. That I was weighing him down, that I was clingy. And it was sort of true because I _was trying_ to trap him. I wanted to keep him for myself and thought that if we had babies, he'd be happy and stay with me. But I went about it all wrong. And because he had stopped hitting me, I let my guard down. I thought he'd stopped for good. When he opened his arm, I thought he was going to hug me or something. Instead he punches me, right on the side of my cheek, with his class ring on, so hard that it cuts my cheek to the point I have to get stitches. I told my parents I fell down the stairs and they believed me after seeing some of the blood Felix spread on the bottom step. When Edward came home and saw, he went in the kitchen to grab a knife. He didn't use it, but Felix got the message."

"Alice, I am so. . ." Bella can't even finish the sentence. I nod and wait a second before continuing.

"Edward stopped talking to me after a while after that. It hurt, but I had Felix so . . ." God I sound like such a fucking bitch. "About a week after Felix's graduation, we're all having lunch at my house, when Felix excuses himself, asking if he can talk to me outside. My parent's don't mind but Edward narrows his eyes at us. As soon as we're out of sight Felix pulls me by the collar of my shirt and hauls me all the way to the patio and pushes me out. He pulls my phone out of his pocket and starts yelling at me, asking why I have so many unknown numbers and incoming calls from a blocked number. I try to tell him that my it was my friend Veronica's new house number but he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't believe me so he calls the number and her brother answers the phone."

" _You better not be fucking lying to me Alice, or so help me God -"_

" _Hello?" a deep voice asks from the phone, which is on speaker._

" _Yes, hello. Is this Veronica?" he scoffs, his nostrils flaring while I shake like a leaf._

" _No, this is Thom, but -"_

" _Thank you." Felix says, closing the phone and dropping it on the ground before slapping me hard across the face._

"He gets in two hits and the next thing I know, Edward is rushing towards Felix and knocking me aside. I've never seen him so angry, never in all my years of knowing him. And Felix doesn't stand a chance against Edward, who has him pinned on the ground, raining blows against his face and chest. Edward's livid and I'm afraid he's going to kill him so I scream. And then my parents are out there and someone calls 9-1-1 and the police and ambulance show up and somewhere along the lines I see Felix and I just freak out. I couldn't lose him Bella, I couldn't help it, I swear!"

"Alice?"

"I just couldn't! This would ruin everything. _Edward_ was ruining everything. If he had just stayed put, I would have just been slapped around a couple of times. I could take a couple hits! But what I can't take is not having Felix next to me! So I panicked and - "

"Alice! What did you do?"

"I – I -" the tears are already starting to flow down my cheek and I'm trembling and stuttering. I must look like a mess, I know I do. I am a mess.

"Alice," Bella says more calmly. "What happened?"

"I t-told the police it was Edward's fault. That he was lying and that Felix never laid a hand on me. That Edward was just jealous - "

"Oh, Alice. You didn't." Bella says, burying her head in her hands.

"I was so fucking afraid! Felix's face was caked in blood and I thought he was going to _die_ because his face was already starting to swell, and the EMTs were crowded around him. So I talked them into letting him go and they did. I-I told them that Felix was the very best thing that have ever happened, that he made straight A's and that he was going to be a doctor. I told t-them that Edward was violent and angry and . . . and -"

"No, no," Bella shakes her head, taking deep breaths.

"I'm so sorry! I wish I could take all of it back, I do. I was so stupid, so fucking stupid and young," I cry, full on sobbing now. "I will never forget the look on Edward's face when he heard me say that, never. But I didn't stop talking about him. I couldn't stop myself. Then Edward gets sent to Juvie and as soon as he get's out he leaves and I don't speak to him for three years. It wasn't worth it, Bella, and I am so fucking sorry but there is nothing I can do to take it back, nothing. I've tried. And, the worst part was that a month later, Felix breaks up with me the day before he leaves for California. I lost _everything_ after that. All of that was for nothing! All the work I put in and lies I told were for nothing! I fucking lose everything just like that! Edward's gone, Felix is gone, I have no one to turn to because all my friends ditch me after that. I can't talk to my parents or anyone. I'm so depressed that my parents don't know what to do.

"I have nightmares, I can't eat or sleep, I stop talking, I just. . . disappear. I turn into nothing. I was nothing without Felix, sometimes I still feel like I'm nothing without him. I felt like I was dead inside, so convinced that I . . ."

"What?" Bella's eyes go wide and she scoots closer to me. I shake my head, I can't tell her. "What Alice? What did you do?" I can't, she'll hate me. I can't lose her. "No censorship, remember?"

She's right. God, I'm a hypocrite.

"Please don't hate me," I beg her.

"I could never," she promises.

Promises are easily broken. Felix broke all of his in a day.

"Alice?"

Slowly I pull back my left sleeve of my shirt to reveal the vertical lines etching themselves on my arm.

Her eyes go big and the EKG beside her beats faster.

"Please don't hate me, " I plead again softly, bowing my head.


	22. Chapter 22

_Chapter 22: Weak_

EPOV

" _Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system –"_

I quickly call again.

Same result. I have to get home. My hands are shaking as I hail a cab, and the driver must think I'm crazy the way I'm fiddling about.

"You alright there, buddy?"

 _"Your call has been forwarded to an –"_ What the fuck could she be doing? Tanya is one of those people who aren't less than a foot away from their phone and I _know_ this is her phone number. Is she avoiding me? By the eighteenth or so try, my head's starting to pound. Hunching over, I put my head between my knees and try to clear my head, try to spout of some of that motivational shit they tell you in rehab. I try to tell myself that it's okay, that everything is okay. That I don't need Tanya or –

What utter bullshit.

I don't know how I'm able to reach into my wallet and pay the cabbie. I don't know how I'm able to get out or walk up the stairs, put my key in the door, and shut the door behind me. I stand in the middle of my living room for what feels like hours, staring at the wall ahead of me, swaying.

I don't need this. I don't. I'm fine.

 _Yes, that is why you're standing in the middle of your house swaying around like a fucking psychopath. No Edward, you are not fine. But you could be._

Oh yes, I could be. I really could be.

I pick back up my phone and I call and I call some more, only to get the same fucking result. Where the fuck is she? The more I call, the more enraged I become. There isn't right. She answers, she always does. I haven't called her in a hot fucking minute, but she always answers when I need some release. For a while she was okay with just the sex, but now? I need more than sex. I need a fix.

But fuck, the feeling of being buried in Tanya to the hilt, _fucking her brains out_ and being as high as the fucking stratosphere. Mm, yes. I want that feeling to the point that my mouth waters.

But she's not answering.

How many times have I called her? What the fuck is she doing? Does she know how _long_ it has been? My body starts to get the tremors as I think of that.

 _FUCK!_ I throw my phone against the wall, not listening for the sound of it breaking, instead moving on to something else. An ottoman, a chair, a glass.

My head is swimming and pounding and my ears are ringing and I can't even _begin_ to remember those mantras that I had brainwashed myself with. I need it, God, I need it.

Maybe she left some around? I always used to keep a stash somewhere but it's been so fucking long that I can't for the life of me remember where. I run into the kitchen, sweeping utensils and baubles off the counter, looking. Maybe where I keep the silverware?

I yank out the drawer, briefly noticing how the wood splinters and cracks at the force of me ripping it out. I don't register the sharp knives and forks scraping against my skin as I pull out the utensil compartment, shake it out, and throw it on the floor. Nothing.

The cabinets are next. I reach for seasonings and for a second get excited when I find the flour. I open it, recognize it as flour and a second later it is thrown against the wall, a big plume of dust billowing around.

My head is just _pounding_.

I go through pots and pans, look under the sink, throwing brillo pads and cleaning solvent everywhere. Fucking nothing!

I yank at my hair, heaving as my vision swims. There is a vague memory trying to make itself known, but I can't focus on it, neither do I want to.

 _Think, Edward, think. Where did you put it?_

It takes a few moments, but I remember.

And then I'm frantically yanking open the door of my dishwasher, the creak of unused metal piercing my ears. I jerk off the dish tray and push it somewhere. My eyes fall immediately to the little compartment at the base of the dishwasher and I tear it open, my heart beating through my stomach.

And I find –

A little blue canister.

It takes me a moment to open it, but I do. And inside there is a little plastic bag that holds a folded piece of paper. I give a frustrated shout as my fingers cut and pull apart the plastic, my shaking hands pulling out the paper, ignoring the familiar handwriting.

This is what it says:

 _You don't need it, you don't want it, you only think you do. Pull yourself together Edward, you can do it, you just have to –_

My yell is so loud and that it rattles the windows and makes my ears pop. And then I am kicking and smashing, my foot smashing into the metal, pushing it as my hands fly to the dish tray and throw it at my stove. As it pangs against it with a raucous sound, I buckle down, my hands tearing at the note I had written to myself and then yanking my hair to the point of pain as I continue to kick, kick, kick at everything.

I'm so _angry_ and my head is still pounding and swimming and everything around me is just _spiraling out of my control._ Then the nausea comes.

I barely have the wits to pull over my trashcan, that has somehow remained upright, and empty my stomach. The hurls become dry heaves which morph into chokes, then coughs. My head starts to thin.

My ears are impossibly hot and I just _sit back_ , my eyes clouding at the mess I've made around me, of myself.

 _And I'm so disappointed._ The self hatred clambers at my throat, making me gasp. Tears of frustration have come a long time ago, but I now I actually _feel_ the heat of them sliding down my face and _see_ the scratches and punctures on my hands made by the forks and knives, _taste_ the bitterness and emptiness on my tongue, _hear_ the silence around me. I'm alone. And I'm so fucking lost and _so_ fucking disappointed.

The tears just fall and fall and fall. I can't stop crying for the life of me because I'm so _weak. I'm just so weak!_

I sit there for hours; I can't move, can't speak. The fight is all gone from me, now I'm just sore from the self inflicted wounds.

I just sit there, with burgundy spotting my vision and a whole lot of _destruction_ around me.

I sit there, weak and a sobbing mess, lost and just _disappointed._

And that is how Alice finds me.


	23. Chapter 23

_Chapter 23: Needing/Getting_

BPOV

I didn't know what to say.

It felt fake consoling Alice after she told me she had done to Edward. I had tried, I really had. I could sympathize with her, of course, she'd had it rough. But. . . I just couldn't. I don't think I could forgive her for what she'd done, or maybe I could. I just couldn't ever forget. I wouldn't. I can't believe that the Alice I called my best friend could ever do such a horrible thing.

It really spoke volumes to Edward's character on how he could just let her back into his life after that.

Or maybe I was missing something. Christ.

"Maybe," Alice sniffled. "Maybe, I should go?"

"I think. . ." I shook my head, trying to think. "I don't know Alice, I just – yeah."

"I understand, Bella. I do, if you don't want to be friends anymore, I -"

"No! Alice, of course I'm still your friend, you're my very best one. It's just . . . this is a lot to take in and -"

"Just say it, Bella."

"How could you?" I blurt. It's a lot more accusatory than I meant it, but it's justified just the same. "Edward, he was so good to you, just looking out for you and you . . . you -"

"I don't know." Alice buries her head in her hands.

"God, I mean – just. . ."

"Just what?"

"That was fucked up!" I exclaim, shaking my hands at her. We're silent for a beat, both of us sort of embarrassed.

"Alice," I start. "I love you, you know that. Don't doubt that. Ever. But -"

"But, what?"

"You should go. Come back tomorrow, but right now? I just. . . I think that you should be with Edward." _Tell it to her straight_ , Agnes nods.

{~'~}

It turns out, telling Alice to leave was a smart decision.

"Is he okay?" I ask, picking at the humongous bear in my lap. Alice shrugs.

"Who knows with Edward? He insists we don't talk about it, so, you know, you didn't hear this from me."

"If he asks, Alice. . ." Alice smiles a little at my warning.

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"So, what happened afterward?" I wonder, still nervously picking. The bear still holds a faint scent of Edward, but it's very faint since this stuffy room is practically swarming with hospital-smell.

"Well after everything was taken care of, we talked." Alice's description of what happened yesterday is horribly vague, which irritates me. Yet, still, I can appreciate it, knowing that she wants to keep the situation under wraps, for the sake of Edward's privacy. That, I can appreciate. But still, there is a pesky nagging inside of me. So far, all I know is that he had a nervous breakdown. I just don't know _how nervous, or why_.

"'Bout what?" I ask.

"Living arrangements," she murmurs, mindlessly flipping through a magazine. She's not paying any attention to it; she just needs something to do.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He um . . . we think it's best if I, ya know, give him some space. Because it's obvious that we rushed into this whole thing. We still need to form some trust. I didn't realize it, I mean, I guess I did. I just wanted to ignore the fact that he barely trusts me right now. It hurts." She mumbles. I don't add how it might hurt him even more.

"How much space?" I push the teddy bear down into my lap and take a good look at Alice. She looks pretty tired. That's not to say that she's not done up, because she is. It's just, there is something missing.

"Not so much. I'm not going back to Forks anytime soon, but I can't stay with Edward anymore. I'll probably get my own place, probably an apartment down the hall." She shrugs.

"Alice," I chuckle nervously. "I hardly think that constitutes as space."

Alice shrugs again, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"He's a hermit," she whispers.

"Where is he, anyway?"

"With Emmett. He needs some guy time. And Pudding time." She smirks a little.

"Pudding!" I exclaim. I had totally forgotten about Edward's beast of a dog. "Where's she been hanging anyhow?"

"With Emmett, he had a nephew over or something. . ." she shrugs again. Always shrugging.

"I miss her," I mumble. Alice nods and we're silent for a while. When it looks like she has no intention of breaking that silence, I do so, in the best way I know how.

"Want to help me pick out some clothes from Express?"


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Okay, this one is very short, so expect an update soon! Or don't because y'all know how shitty I am with that kind of stuff. ;D But a lot of you are upset with Alice, and I totally understand why. I kind of like when people hate my characters. They can't all be perfect. BUT, just remember. Alice was in high school when she did what she did. People learn, and they change. Alice has a lot of growing to do, as do all of my characters. I just hope you guys stay along for the ride Thank you to all for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. I'll try to get the next one up before Thanksgiving!**

 _Chapter 24: The discharge_

BPOV

"Alright Bella, you are all set to go!" the nurse replies happily. "You got all your stuff, right?"

"Yes," I nod with a small smile.

It's been a few weeks, but I'm finally being released. I'm so relieved that I literally have a pep in my step; I haven't been able to stop smiling and I'm practically skipping everywhere. I tell you, being cooped up in a hospital room for weeks is draining. It's dreary, despite the cheerful nurses, and the noises and the thick smell of sanitization never cease. Yes, I couldn't be happier. To be in my own house, to sleep in my own bed and Christ, to _eat my own food_. I am aching for a change of scenery.

Alice, on the other hand, is a little reluctant about this transition, for a number of reasons. Mainly because of Dr. Whitlock. It's not like she won't ever see him again, as they seem to text nonstop, but I guess she's a little sad that she's going to have to stop using me as an excuse to see him. I have faith in her, the girl has got initiative.

My relationship with Alice is getting better. At times I'm hesitant, I'm not going to lie, but we've at least surpassed that awkward tiff. She is, after all, my best friend, and I want to help her be the best she can be.

Said friend is leaning against the doorframe with a little pout on her lips. I smirk at her, but continue to gather my things, then plop into the wheelchair the nurse is going to push me in, pink neon bear in hand.

"Ready, Alice?" I ask teasingly. She clicks her tongue but smiles at me.

"Are you ready, Bella?"

"I've _been_ ready," I mutter.

"Meh," she snickers, glancing back down the hallway. Her body immediately straightens up and she smoothes out her shirt at whatever she sees. And I'm willing to bet twenty bucks that its –

"Ah, just in time!" Dr. Whitlock proclaims, his eyes instantly resting on Alice, then shifting to me. "Bella, my dearest patient, I'm sure this moment couldn't have come sooner for you." He smiles knowingly.

I blush a little, "You got that right. Sorry for being so difficult while I was here." Dr. Whitlock waves off my apology.

"No worries," he insists. "I just, uh . . . wanted to see you off. Make sure you're all cleared away."

"All set, thanks." I situate myself in the chair, glancing at Alice. "I'll see you downstairs, okay Alice? Emmett's in the front, right?" she nods at me thankfully. "Okay. Dr. Whitlock, I guess I'll be seeing you around."

"Under different circumstances, I hope." He adds, smiling.

"Yeah. Okay, I'm ready." As the nurse wheels me out, I smile coyly at Alice, winking.

"Hey," I hear Jasper breathe, as he takes a few steps forward.

By the time we get outside, I notice Emmett's giant jeep parked right in the middle of the walkway and point it out to the nurse. The driver's door opens up and Edward jumps out with a crooked smile on his face.

"Hey," I mumble to him.

"Hi," he mumbles back.

He looks at me for a while, inspecting my face and the very large bear in my hands until the nurse clears her throat. Edward's eyes snap up to hers, and he mumbles a sheepish greeting to her. He opens up the passenger door for me, helps me get in, gesturing to the bouquet of flowers in the cup holder as he throws the rest of my bags in.

"For you," he says.

"Thanks," I murmur softly. The energy is charged.

"Bella –" he starts, taking one of my hands. "I want to apologize for – "

The back door flies open, and in jumps a perky looking Alice, with frazzled hair and a wrinkled shirt. Edward drops my hand, and turns forward.

"Hey Edward!" Alice chirps, buckling her seatbelt. "Come on what are we waiting for? Let's blow this popsicle stand!" her sudden eagerness to leave confuses me, but I don't say anything. I just look at Edward, familiarizing myself with a face I haven't seen in weeks.


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Yes, I'm sorry I didn't post anther on Thanksgiving, this week went by so fast, and my birthday was yesterday! So I will be double-posting.**

 _Chapter 25: Health_

BPOV

I watch Edward for a moment, his jaw tensed, hands tensed on the wheel even tighter. He shifts for a moment, and then shoots a look at me that says, "Later". I just nod.

I've missed him. It's been weeks since I've spoken to him, _seen him_. I can't stop analyzing him, even though I can feel Alice watching me inspect him from the backseat, for which I am probably going to be teased over later. He looks healthy, rested even. He's cleanly shaven, and despite his hair being in the same condition it always is, he still looks perfect. He's wearing a thick, green, cotton hoody and jeans, with some black Adidas sandals, sans socks. Healthy. I smile. He glances at me from his peripherals and smiles back.

"What?" he asks, glancing back at the road.

"Nothing. I didn't know you could drive," I comment.

"I can do a lot of things," he answers, winking.

 _I bet you can,_ Agnes agrees.

"Like?" I wonder.

"I make a mean Mayo sandwich, " he offers with a cheeky smile, laughing when my nose wrinkles.

"Positively gruesome," I agree.

"Don't hate on my mad cooking skills, BB."

"Ha!" I snicker. "I've seen your skills, Mayo Mouth. And it's nothing but lard and cholesterol. How you manage to stay so fit is beyond me."

"Ah, so you've noticed." He smirks, nodding his head.

"Of Course she has," Alice mumbles from behind me. I ignore her.

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't."

"Oh, no, no, no, you have. It's okay to take notice of my insanely, attractive, hot body BB. Don't be ashamed." He says, grinning.

"I'm not – "

"AHA! So you admit that my body is insanely, hot and attractive!" He laughs, pointing a finger at me.

"I – you . . . You didn't let me finish!" I accuse, blushing and crossing my arms.

"Then by all means, Bella, finish. You're not what? Attracted to me? Come on, let me know. I can take it."

"You're impossible," I mutter, trying to keep a straight face.

"You love me for it."

I think I love you because of it.

"I plead the fifth," I reply, turning my head towards the window, knowing my blush will give me away.


	26. Chapter 26

_Chapter 26: The Return_

BPOV

The ride home is comfortable, which is not something I expected. Especially from Edward, I mean, I'd thought his attitude would be a bit more maudlin than than what it is, what with his mental break down and all. But hey, I was not really complaining. He's happy, so I'm happy. Throughout the whole ride my eyes keep drifting over to him, sizing him up, making note of any differences. Besides the slight bags under his eyes which are darker than usual, there aren't many.

The sky is still as thick with overcast as I remembered, but something about the day seems brighter. Maybe because I'm finally _out_ , or maybe because Edward's by my side. I guess it could be a combination of both.

"And. . . Here we are." Edward announces, after driving up and down the street to find a decent place to park.

"Finally!" Alice exclaims from the backseat. I turn to see her quickly gather all the bags in her hands, with a wide smile on her face.

"Gee, Alice. What's got you so peppy?" I ask with a smirk.

"Life," she murmurs.

"Or Jasper. . . ."

"Who's Jasper?" Edward asks, adjusting his seat, back the way Emmett had it, I assume.

"No one - "

"My doctor." I say with a smirk.

"Your doctor?" he repeats with a hitched eyebrow.

"Her hot doctor." Alice adds.

"Yes, my very hot doctor." I agree, halfheartedly. I'm not going to lie and say he wasn't pretty damn gorgeous, because he was. His curly blonde hair and Texan drawl could have been a done deal for me if I hadn't met Edward already. And besides, I much rather prefer New York accents.

"Hotter than me?" he asks, pulling the keys out of the ignition, looking at me with a slight pout.

"Never," I promise, smiling at him cheekily.

He nods to himself, seemingly satisfied.

"Yeah, yeah Bella. We all know who you have the hots for," Alice mumbles with a smirk on her face.

I shoot her a look that tells her to shut her trap, which she does, but not without smirking at me first.

I hop out of the car, holding onto the car door to help Alice with my bags. Edward walks around with my giant teddy bear in one of his arms and my flowers in the other. He glances towards our apartments and then back at me, a concerned look on his face.

"Um, this isn't going to be too far for you is it?" he asks. It's just down the street.

"Edward," I roll my eyes and keep walking.

Alice has already started ahead of us, skipping happily down the street. I'll have to get the details out of her later.

By the time I've reached our apartments, Mr. Garrett is already holding the door for me.

"Bella!" he exclaims with a toothy smile.

"Hi, Mr. Garrett! How have you been?" I ask, dropping my bags on the floor to give him a hug.

"I'm fine, just fine. How are _you_? I trust you are feeling a lot better?" I nod. "Good, good. Now, Bella dear, I want you to know that if you need _anything_ , me and Maggie are just a phone call away, you hear? Anything at all."

"Thanks, Mr. Garrett. I'll keep that in mind."

"Great, great! Ah, Edward! That package arrived for you a minute after you left. Shall I fetch it for you now?" Mr. Garrett bustles. I turn my head to look at Edward, who eases behind me, inhaling his scent as subtly as I possibly can.

"Um, later. If that's okay?"

"That's fine."

"Alright, well. We'll be seeing you," Edward says, guiding me towards the stairs. I let him, and throw a quick smile at Mr. Garrett. I feel my cheeks heats as Edward places his hand on my back. The physical contact has my mind reeling. I know it's a little silly, he's just touching my shirt, but I _feel_ it. With just this simple contact I remember the way his hands felt in mine, how callused and firm they were. How my hands seemed to fit in them. Then I remember the kiss. . .

Yeah, I'm a goner. But in my defense, it's not like I've had that much experience anyway.

I take another peek at Edward. Does he even remember that kiss we shared in the hospital? Did it mean anything to him? It must have. I mean, he _clearly_ liked it, didn't he?

 _Oh yeah, he did_ , Agnes snickers in my head. Thinking back to his reaction makes me blush even harder. Of course he was interested. His body made that quite. . . _quite_ clear.

"What's got you blushing so hard, Ms. Swan?" Edward asks suddenly. His voice is husky and quiet, as if it's only meant for me. If only.

"Nothing, Mr. Cullen." I murmur, keeping close to him as we trudge up the stairs.

"Are you sure? You seem to be a little flustered. Are you feeling well?" he asks, taking a long look at me. I duck my head, my bangs falling into my face.

I blow a breath to clear my eyesight, but it falls right back into my eyes. It's been awhile since I've had a hair cut. I'll have to ask Alice if she knows any good spots.

"I'm fine, Edward."

"Are you - "

"Edward." I state sternly, eying him. We've finally made it up the stairs, so I lean against the wall behind me. I take a deep breath and look down at the floor then back to him. His green eyes are squinted at me, and he looks a bit nervous as the silence goes on. "I'm fine. Really I am. And. . . I sincerely appreciate everything you've done for me. Honestly I do, but. . ." I take another deep breath and Edward shifts uncomfortably.

Why does he look so nervous all of the sudden?

"Um, let's just not talk about it anymore, okay? I'm out, I'm fine, and I'm as healthy as I possibly can be. I don't. . . you don't have to worry." I say, smiling at him a little.

"Bella," he starts.

"No, Edward. None of that. I'm – just. I'm alright. You don't have to care so much, ya know? I mean, I know we're friends but - "

"Friends." he states, abruptly.

"Yeahhh?" I draw out, a little confused. That's what we were, weren't we? I mean, I pretty much remember him telling me that I was one of his best friends. And since he obviously doesn't want to further that. . . I mean, he's got a lot on his plate, and so do I. From what I gather from all the stories I've heard, relationships require a lot of hard work and patience and leave one ultimately vulnerable to the other. How much more vulnerable can I possibly be for someone?

That doesn't mean I don't want it, because I do. Lord knows I do. I've never wanted so much out of someone as much as I do with Edward. But Edward's wish-washy attitude and relationship with me, all though it has definitely improved, it just. . . isn't at that point yet. And he has things he needs to do, Alice has made that clear to me more than once. Hell when I first met her, she told me to give him time. And a relationship? I may be inexperienced, but I'm not that stupid to the point where I would selfishly expect that out of him.

No. I could wait. We both could. I hope. I mean, what other choice do we have?

"Right," he nods. "I'm sorry, I was under the impression that we. . ."

"We what?" I blurt, quickly backtracking and deleting that whole previous monologue from my brain.

What? Did he want a relationship now? I could do that.

 _No, Bella! No! Stop being selfish!_

Selfish, hell! I deserve some happiness!

 _No! He's not ready. You just got out of the hospital for Christ's sake!_

 _The hell with that!_ Agnes shouts, _Let me have him!_

"Nothing," Edward says quickly, straightening himself out. and jerking his head towards my apartment. "Come on." I just nod stiffly and follow behind him dumbly, a little upset.

This is what I meant. One moment I am completely sure and in control and then the next I'm confused as hell and not knowing where _exactly_ we stand. That's Edward. I don't know if I'm mad at him or mad at myself.

When we get to my door, Edward knocks on my door. He looks down at me and smiles chastely.

"Surprise!" I hear as my door opens. It's Emmett's booming voice, accompanied by chiming peals of laughter from the background.

"Hi," I mumble, smiling confusedly up at him and around my apartment, which is adorned with streamers and confetti and rather large giant cake, sitting on my kitchen island. Oh, and the people gathered all around. I smile despite myself and step inside, only to be swept up into a bear hug by Emmett.

"Missed you, Bells." he murmurs into my hair. I hug him back, speechless.

I'm back home, safe and surrounded by friends. That much I am sure of.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27: Welcome-Home-From-the-Hospital Party**

* * *

 **AN: I can explain! dodges tomatoes* I can! I can! But you guys don't care about that, do you?**

* * *

 **:** Chapter 27: Welcome-Home-From-the-Hospital Party

BPOV

"Let me guess, Em decorated. " I smirk, bending over to slip off my shoes after I've tripped over the second neon green streamer. They are quite literally thrown everywhere, in a variety of different colors, and the level of effort applied to his decorating makes me wonder if he wants me to end up back in the hospital.

"If you call dumping a bag of confetti on the ground, then yeah. He decorated." Rosalie mutters from my kitchen. I quickly connect the laughter I'd heard earlier to her. My cheeks heat up as I look over at her. I'm sort of embarrassed over her presence at my . . . well, whatever kind of party this is supposed to be. A Welcome-Home-From-the-Hospital Party, I guess.

"Yeah, no help from you." Emmett says, throwing a light smile at her. Rosalie just rolls her eyes, but smiles at me.

"Good to see you Bella, we all missed you at the office."

"Ha! All?" I snicker, insinuating Jessica and Victoria.

"Everyone that matters, anyway." She smirks, taking a sip out of her cup. I nod in agreement. Rosalie loathes Jessica and Victoria even more than I do, which makes sense because she has put up with them longer.

"So, where do you want this stuff?" Edward asks me, nodding at the bear and bags.

"Um, back here."

I feel Edward following close behind me, as I lead the way to my room. The hairs on the back of my neck bristle at his proximity. I am nearly shivering as I push the open the door. My room smells a little stale, as if the window hasn't been opened in quite some time.

"You can just sit the bear on my bed." I say, dropping all of my bags on the side of my bed and walking towards the window. The sound it makes as I open it is embarrassingly loud, but the clean air sweeps through the window so that's all that really matters.

When I turn around, I see Edward holding the frame that sat on my bedside table. The sight makes me nervous.

"This your family?" he asks shaking the frame. I walk towards him hesitantly and take a look at the picture.

"Um, yeah." It's our family portrait from twelve Christmases ago. We are all arranged in a triangle, me at the head of the triangle, my mother to my left, father to my right. Our outfits are a customary red, as they are for every other Christmas photograph. My mother's blonde hair is neatly pressed, not a strand out of order. Her smile is blindingly white, one fit for toothpaste commercials. My father doesn't smile nor does he frown, his mouth is firm. The tiny frown lines at the corner of his mouth and the tiny laugh lines by his eyes contrast greatly, at least to me. His whole demeanor screams authority and I wonder if Edward can tell just by looking at the photo.

"Hm. You look a lot like your dad. Weird." He finally says.

 _So_ not what I wanted to hear. Especially after . . .

"Um."

Edward glances at me and then back to the picture, his lips pursed.

"So, I've been meaning to ask you something," Edward begins, placing the frame back on the stand. He shoves his hands in his pockets and leans against the wall, and he looks like one of those sophisticated, brooding characters you see on TV. All he needs to do is run his hands through his hair and stare off into space for his look to be complete.

"Emmett! Put that down before you break it!" I hear Rosalie screech from the kitchen.

"Buuuut, maybe later." Edward smirks, nodding his head towards the kitchen.

I nod in response and scurry off into the kitchen.

"Rosalie, are you doubting my dexterity? I can assure you, I am very . . . handy."

"Emmett!" I shout, as I watch him try to juggle the three little spherical vases that had once been arranged on my bookshelves.

I bought them in a little antique store a couple months ago and had put them on my bookshelves until I found a better place for them. They cost me about twenty bucks, but I thought they were a good find. They looked like stain glassed tennis balls and I loved them.

At the sound of my voice, Emmett startled and his hand missed the catch.

 _Smash. Smash. Smash._

"Oh, shit – "

{~'~}

"Well, Bella. I guess I'll see you on Monday, right? Bright and early?" Rosalie asks with an easy smile. I nod and return it. "Awesome! Come on, Emmett. See you, Edward. Bye Alice! Lovely meeting you."

"Likewise! Don't be a stranger!" Alice grins, bending over to gather her shoes. I shoot her confused look, but she doesn't see it.

"Oh, not if I can help it!" Emmett assures, resting his arm over Rose's shoulders. He presses a kiss to her forehead, and to my surprise Rose blushes. It's a little blush, but it's enough to notice– not that the Queen of Blushes would be able to miss it.

Edward doesn't call me B.B. for nothing.

"Come on, you big lug." She brings her hand up to hold his, leading him out the door.

"Sorry again, Bella!" Emmett shouts over his shoulder. I roll my eyes at him. I'm not really that upset, but still. It was an unfortunate loss, and my little twenty-dollar spheres will be missed.

"They're cute," I murmur, looking to Alice for her approval.

"Indeed, they are." She says, taking her jacket of the hook.

"And where are you going? Think you can escape the cleanup crew?" I tease.

"Um, well. Remember earlier at the hospital? When you left to give Jasper and me some alone time? At least, that's what I think you were doing . . ."

"Yeah, yeah." I prompt.

"Well. I sort of, kind of, maybe have a date." She finishes, with a nervous smile.

"Oh my God! Really? Finally!" I exclaim, pulling her in for a hug.

"I know, right? But he's been so busy, you know? So yeah, we're going out tonight."

"Oh, well. I hope you have fun! Text me when you get there, okay?"

"Alright! See you later, bye Eddie!"

"Wait! Alice, can you stop by and feed Pudding for me? She's probably sleeping, but yeah." He asks.

"Uh huh, sure. Bye guys!" She grins, shutting the door behind her.

"Well then." I say, locking it up behind her. I turn and lean against the door, assessing the damage of my apartment. It's not anything terribly atrocious, but there's just a whole lot of stuff . . . everywhere.

"Lost?" Edward laughs at my expression.

"I just don't quite know where to start . . . "

"How about dishes? I wash, you dry?" he offers, rolling up the sleeves of his green hoodie.

"Alright. Just let me . . ." I trail off, walking towards my iHome speakers.

"What?" he asks. "Oh fuck, no Bella. What the hell are you doing?"

"Putting on some jams to clean to, of course." I answer innocently, scrolling down my iPod until I got to Paid in Full by Eric B. & Rakim. I start to stepping to the beat, albeit awkwardly, towards the kitchen sink.

"Good God." He groans.

"Thinkin' of a master plan," I rap, moving my hands around. I hear Edward laughing behind me, but I ignore him as I start the dishwater. I don't know where the sudden confidence in my rapping came from, but I just go along with it. Edward begins to wash the dishes, and he progressively begins to bob his head to the music. He laughs as I dry the plates, pretending to scratch a record and I laugh when he sings the chorus, mimicking lady singing in Arabic.

It's really nice.

We clean up the confetti to Peter Piper by DMC, and tear down the streamers to Ice Cube.

He doesn't admit it, but I know he doesn't mind my hideous rapping.

{~'~}

After the living room has been tidied, and the kitchen cleaned, I grab two water bottles out of my fridge and we flop down on my couch.

"Ugh," I groan, unscrewing the lid and taking a big gulp. "I'm pooped."

"Same here. We should never let Emmett decorate anything. Ever again." He agrees, opening up his water bottle.

"Unless he stays after to clean it up," I compromise. I can't help but think of how much fun he must have had throwing confetti everywhere. And throwing streamers all over my chairs. Who am I to take that fun away from him?

But then again, he did break my vases.

Sigh.

"You've obviously never been to his house. Emmett and clean just . . . no. That guy's a pig when it comes to cleaning up after himself. And I'm a guy," he adds, sitting his water bottle on the coffee table.

"Ha, I believe you." I lean my head back on the cushion and close my eyes, but they open immediately when I feel Edward pull my feet into his lap. I blush when he inspects my hospital socks. "What? They're comfortable." I sink further into cushion.

"They have slide protectors on them." He points out, before adding, "Which I guess is for the best, with your clumsy ass." He smirks.

"Eff you," I mumble, pretending to be offended. Edward tickles my feet a little.

"Oh, Bella. I'm only kidding." He lolls his head to the side and smiles at me.

"I know," I murmur, avoiding his eyes and playing with the paper on my water bottle. We lapse into a comfortable silence for a minute, him absently poking at my feet, me sneaking glances at him.

I've kind of missed him, but I won't tell him so because I don't think the feeling is reciprocal. I mean, he stopped coming to visit after the kiss in the hospital. I mean, I know he had some issues to take care of, but . . . I mean I would have found the time. If it were me, I would have _definitely_ found the time for him. Especially after that kiss.

I mean . . . _whoa._ Excuse the virgin in me, but was I the only one who felt the sparks and electricity? I couldn't have been. I mean –

Edward pokes me in the foot.

"Huh?" I ask.

"I said, what are you thinking about?" he repeats.

"Oh, uh. Nothing." I stutter, biting my lip. Edward gives me a look. "I mean, I was just wondering . . ."

"Wondering what?"

I sink a little further into the cushion and pester my water bottle some more.

"Well, I was just . . . I mean. Um." Edward clears his throat. "I was just wondering if you, ya'know, regretted it."

"Regretted what?" he sounds genuinely confused.

"You know what," I snap, my fingers crunching the water bottle. Edward freezes when he realizes what I am referring to. He waits a moment before responding.

"Bella . . ." he gathers his thoughts. "What happened that day was – "

Don't say mistake. _Don't say it was a mistake._

"I mean, I don't know what happened. Or what I was thinking. That's it, I wasn't thinking. I just . . . it just . . . happened."

"No."

"No?" he repeats, raising an eyebrow.

"No. You _wanted_ it to happen. _You wanted_ to kiss me. You've tried to before, remember? When we first met. You wanted to kiss me. That's why it happened. Don't try to downplay it Edward." I reply heatedly. Edward swallows visibly and looks down at the bottle I'm clenching in my hands.

"I . . . did."

"And do you regret it?"

"Bella."

"Edward."

He chuckles before tugging on my leg, pulling me towards him.

"Come here, BB." I hesitantly rise to my knees, so that I'm kneeling beside him. He shakes his head. "Closer."

"Um."

Edward pulls me forward so that I'm sitting across his lap, his arms wrapped around me. My cheeks flame as he rests his chin on my head, and I'm thinking _ohmygodohmygod. He's so damn close._ And he smells _so good_.

His green hoody is soft against my cheek and I gradually relax into his embrace, subtly taking a whiff of his cologne.

I could sit here forever.

"I don't regret it." he finally answers. I rip my head from his chest and stare up at him, searching his eyes.

"You don't?" my eyes must be huge, which I suppose is why he chuckles.

"No, sweet girl." His arm goes to caress my back, bringing me closer. I continue to search his eyes for any sign of regret. I don't find any, mostly because he's not looking at me in the eyes. He's looking at my lips.

So then I look at his, and his arm scrunches up my shirt and he leans in –

And then his lips are on mine. It's rough, and I feel my teeth knock against his, but I find myself sighing into his mouth.

Ah, sweet, sweet Edward.

My hands claw into his shirt and I press my lips to his with just as much force. I don't want it to end; I don't want to pull away. I squirm a little in his lap, and giggle nervously when he groans and begin to pull away, resting my forehead to his.

"Mm," Edward whines, before guiding my neck – okay, he didn't need much direction – and connecting our lips again.

We kiss until our lips are swollen.

{~'~}

"Bella?" Edward asks. He's curling a lock of my hair around his finger and I'm errantly playing with one of the strings on his hoody.

"Yeah?"

"Will you tell me something?" his voice is almost entirely indifferent. Which makes me hesitant because what does he want to know? Or better yet, what am I going to tell him?

"Uh, sure. What about?"

"I want to know about your family."

His arms don't let me pull away, so my neck just cranes back.

"Um, why?" I ask, eyeing him warily. Edward brings one of his thumbs up to smooth over my brow.

"I just want to." He shrugs.

"Um, okay. What exactly do you want to know?"

"Just stuff. What does your father do?" I let him lead my head back to his chest and think.

"He does a lot of stuff. He used to be a cop. Now he's a lawyer. My mother said that he once was an engineer, and that he even worked at McDonalds once. But I don't know if I believe that."

"And your mother?" he asks. I close my eyes tightly at the thought of her, resting on the most tender memory I have of her. She's in the kitchen, smiling at teary-eyed, seven year-old me. I'm sitting on the counter, and she's applying Neosporin to a cut on my knee. An odd one, but it's the best I can do at this moment.

"My mother . . . she was mostly the stay at home type. She um, she wanted to be a dancer when she was younger. Then she met my father. And then I popped out."

"Hm," he says thoughtfully. "Were they very strict with you?"

I pause for a second, forming my words in my head.

"Well yes. But they loved me, so." I shrug.

"Humph."

"Were, um. Were your parents strict?" I ask, slowly gauging his reaction. To my relief, Edward doesn't tense. Instead he chuckles once throughout his nose.

"No. My parents were brilliant."

"Lucky," I snicker. As soon as I say that, I feel horrible. God, I really am a brat. Sure my parents were strict, but they loved me . . . and I am lucky for that. Given, we certainly were not close but, still.

"Chyeah, I guess." Edward mumbles. "So did you have an escape besides photography?"

"Um, not really. That was pretty much it for me. What about you?"

Edward sucks in a breath.

"Before or after?"

"Both?" I tease, hopefully.

"I boxed, you know, before. Afterwards, I tried boxing again. But I kept getting kicked out of programs for taking things too far." He finishes, dropping the lock of my hair.

"Like, fighting to hard?" I ask, turning to rest my chin on his chest.

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well, what else did you do?" I wonder, turning to lie on my cheek. Edward's mouth twitches and his jaw locks at this question, and I begin to pull away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." I shake my head, embarrassed.

"It's okay," giving me a small, tense smile. It seems like it's more for my benefit, but I don't complain. "You don't have to apologize to me, Bella. Just . . . don't expect much from me, okay?"

"Alright. Okay. We should have a safe word or something, you know? So I don't go upsetting you."

"Safe words, BB? Kinky." That smirk.

I roll my eyes at him, pulling at his drawstrings again.

"It was just a suggestion," I shrug. Edward's arms wrap around my back, and he pulls me to his chest. My legs are wrapped around his waist, to the position where I am straddling him. I blush, and twist my leg back over to the left, so instead, I am barely sitting in his lap.

Edward smiles a little at my blush, and rests his forehead to mine.

My stomach, it's in knots.

Sweet, sweet, knots.

"I'll just say 'abort', okay? And then we just switch the subject. You too, alright?"

I just nod, my eyes on his lips. His breath is blowing across them and I lick them, unconsciously summoning Edward's lips to mine.

His mouth is hot, and his tongue is wet and warm on mine. A very odd, welcomed sensation.

So sweet, so lucky.

Edward's fingers press onto my back, needy – desperate even. He kisses me frantically yet passionately, and I meet him with unadulterated fervor.

I think, that as he holds me to him so closely, I finally begin to realize how much I love him. All of him - even the messy, secretive parts that he hides away from me. I love it all.

Little did I know that some of those secrets he held would break my heart more than once, and ultimately test our futures.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Yes, yes, I know, I suck. Somebody did a really good job of criticizing my every word in this story. It wasn't really constructive, and was mean. It almost prompted me to quit, but then I realized that they can suck a hairy, filthy butthole and eat shit. So, I'm back! And I'm sorry.**

Chapter 28: Sexy

I'm awakened to soft kisses on my jaw. I keep my eyes closed because, normally, I would assume it was a dream. But then I remember who I fell asleep with last night and I feel his stubble on my cheek as his lips descend onto my neck.

Edward. I slept with Edward last night, almost. The thought makes me giggle, and I open my eyes.

"Why are you laughing? I'm trying to be sexy." He mumbles into my skin. His hands slide down to my hips and his thumbs slide under my shirt. While Edward's touch is cold, I mostly shiver at the contact.

I giggle some more and silently scorn myself.

Edward pulls back a little, and his hands leave my hips to grasp the couch. He's hovering over me, watching me be an idiot but he has a fond little smile on his lips.

"Something funny, BB?" he asks, his eyes darting to my lips. His voice is all husky from sleep, but it's so sexy. Naturally.

"Maybe?" is all I can muster. He pouts a little, pushing himself up on his knees but I quickly backtrack and my giggles cease. "Wait, no." I whine, grabbing the drawstring of his hoodie. "I just find it funny that you have to try to be sexy, is all. I wasn't laughing at you. Come back down here." Ugh, I sound so needy.

Edward smirks and gently lowers himself back down to me, but doesn't do anything. I stare at him expectantly.

"What?" he asks, his breath fanning over my face. God, he doesn't even have morning breath. How perfect can he possibly be? It's not fair. He comes closer so that we're nose to nose, but he won't kiss me. I look into his eyes, which feels kind of weird since he's so close to my face, then look to his parted lips.

"Kiss me?" I ask, stupidly. I wince after I say it. Edward moves even closer, if that's even possible. We're chest to chest and he's lying between my legs, perfectly aligned. His lips ghost around mine a little and I can practically feel his lips pressed against mine, but it's not enough. I lean my head forward and capture his lips with mine.

And then his hands wrap around my waist and hips, and mine twine in his hair and I swear that this could be a dream. It's way too good. One of his hands slide up my side, just to the edge of my breast and I press myself into him further. Edward's tongue swipes across my bottom lip and I shiver some more and wrap my legs around his waist. When his hand makes its slow advance for my breast, I moan.

And it's so loud, it's embarrassing. My face heats up and my movements falter until I hear and feel Edward groan into my mouth.

"So sexy," he murmurs, before plunging his tongue into my mouth. His hand moves down and I whine, but before I know it his hand is back, except this time it's under my shirt, on my skin, on my breast. He squeezes my breast and I moan and push up at him, our lips momentarily disconnecting. His lips fall to my neck, and he begins to suck on my neck.

I swear, I'm a mess. I've never been touched the way Edward touches me and it's so good all at once. I lean my head back more so he has more access to my neck. His teeth nip me, and I moan and moan and God, I just can't shut up. Agnes would be laughing at me, but she's enjoying this too.

Edward's lips go to my collarbone at the same time his thumb and finger pinches my nipple. My heart is racing and I feel little Edward grind into me, and I should stop, I really should but it feels too good.

Edward tugs my shirt up to the point that it's almost to my neck, and that right there makes me freeze. Edward notices my hesitation, and looks up at me with hooded eyes.

"What's – "

"Stop."

"Huh, I –"

"Abort!" I screech, pushing him off of me and quickly tugging my shirt down. I turn to the side and put a hand over my heart.

"Are you okay?" Edward asks, his voice still husky. He reaches for me and I flinch a little, so he hesitates. For a minute or two, we're silent.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to . . . to . . . um –"

"No," I say, when I've calmed down. "It's not your fault. And I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asks, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together.

"I . . . I just," I stutter, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I have scars. I'm sorry. I didn't, I mean. . . I had no intention of getting you worked up. . . I just –"

He pulls me into his lap suddenly and wraps his arms around me. I press my cheek to his chest.

"Don't apologize. Don't be sorry." He says, resting his chin on my head.

"I am sorry, though. Gosh, I'm such a weirdo. You must think I'm – "

"Shut it, BB. Just . . . Stop, okay? I don't think you're weird or stupid or anything. You're perfect." He states, squeezing me as he says it.

I wish I could believe that. I _want_ to.

But gosh, I'm such a buzzkill. And so far from perfect.

And here I am, with the most perfect man ever. Even with his moodiness.

And it's in that moment I realize how different we are.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: See the bottom!**

Chapter 29: Bland

"Kix or Cheerios?" I ask Edward, holding each box up for him to see. He has a polite look of disgust on his face. I'd feel offended but I really can't blame him. They are the blandest cereals ever invented.

"Is that honey-less Cheerios?" he squints his eyes.

"Well, yeah." I mumble, slowly dropping the boxes. "Look, this is the best I can do, okay? I need to go shopping. All my stuff is expired."

"So you were gonna give me expired milk?" Edward laughs, throwing his head back.

Grumbling, I put the boxes back on top of the refrigerator.

"Fine, starve for all I care." I shrug.

"You forget that I live next door. I was just being polite." He says, smirking at me. He's leaning on the kitchen counter, with his jeans and hoodie all wrinkled, and his hair a mess. Still, he looks like he could be a model. It's not fair. I look at my attire and I realize that I'm over here in my wrinkly shirt and messy hair looking like a banshee.

"Well, leave then, you fool." I say, a bit put off.

"Aww," He walks around the counter and pulls me under his arm. "How about you come over to my place, we have some breakfast and then I'll go grocery shopping with you?"

I pretend to think this over, and then nod stubbornly with my nose in the air. Edward laughs and then takes my face into his hands and kisses me. It's a quick one, but passionate enough that I have to catch my breath. Well, if I'm honest, any time he kisses me I have to catch my breath.

"Well, come on then!" he says to me, yanking my hand. I smile but slip my hand out of his.

"Um, I'll be there in a second. Just let me freshen up and stuff okay?"

He purses his lips. "Don't be too long, BB. I won't wait forever."

"By all means then, do my shopping without me then. I don't mind." I raise an eyebrow, and turn down the hallway towards my room.

"Fine. I hope you like junk food." He shouts. I wrinkle my nose, thinking of the mayonnaise he'll buy.

"Ugh, I'll be over in ten!" I shout back. It's not like I didn't like junk food, because I do. It's just that I don't eat it as much as the average American male, aka, Edward. I have a feeling that will change, based off of the company I keep. I'm no longer kept on some kind of meal plan, since I don't live with my parents anymore, but at the same time, my health is obviously important. Don't want to end up in the hospital again.

My alarm on my phone goes off, signaling my time to take my meds, and I think of my mother, and how she's doing. I'm just pulling off my undies, and wondering if it would be a good time to call when my phone goes off. I look at the screen. Alice.

"Hey, Alice! Why didn't you call me last night? How was your date?"

"Oh, Bella! He's the one, I swear! God, he's the one." She exclaims dreamily.

"Whoa, I take it last night went well then?" I laugh, tugging off some jeans off of a hanger.

"Yes, it was amazing! Jesus, Bella! He's such a gentleman! And so fucking sweet. . . I'm gonna marry him, I swear I am."

"Don't elope too soon!" I warn her jokingly. Alice gasps.

"Bella, don't you know me at all? I could never just run off and do that. I've been planning my wedding since I was six! Besides, Edward would kill me."

"Right, right. So how about you come over later and we can have a girls night and talk and stuff? I can't right now." I offer, yanking more things out of my closet.

"I was just about to say that!" she shrieks. "We should invite Rosalie, too! A slumber party! I'll bring the liquor!" There is a rustling over the phone, a deep voice asking something. "Wouldn't you like to know?" Alice says away from the phone, giggling.

"Know what? Was that Jasper?" I ask, pausing. "Are you at his house? Did you. . . Did you and Jasper – "

"Bells, I have to go, okay? But we'll talk later tonight, okay? Jazzy, say hi to Bella!" more rustling over the phone.

"Hi Bel-" I hear Jasper start, before the phone is taken away.

"Alright, see you tonight, girl! Bye!" And then she's gone.

Huh.

I'm really curious about what happened with her last night, and I spend my whole shower worrying about Alice. It feels like she's rushing things with Jasper and I worry if she's ready for a relationship. But then again, who am I to judge? I still don't know if _I'm_ ready for a relationship right now. Or if I'm even _in_ a relationship. Am I?

I wrap myself in a towel and step out of the shower. It takes me about ten more minutes to brush my hair and teeth, and get dressed. I don't know why I told Edward I'd be done in ten minutes, because getting ready is the most meticulous part of my day. That would never change for anyone.

I grab my bag and crack my room window to let some air in, but only a little since it's so cold outside. After checking to make sure that everything is tidy, I lock the door and head to Edward's.

 **AN: Yeah, so there's obviously a troll situation going on. Thanks and love to everyone who defended me, or my story. And thanks to everyone else who is reading and reviewing! I'd like to say a few quick thing. First, I recognize that the troll does have some valid points on this story, I mean, duh. I wrote this story almost ten years ago, in the midst of a Twilight obsession, and it was one of the first stories I had ever really wrote, and put up for others to read. I was younger, and a novice, not an expert. So are there parts of this story that don't make sense, and are some of the characters shitty and naive? Hell yes! I was naive when I wrote this, and almost ten years later, *I* still cringe when I read it, as would anyone else rereading one of their first stories ever written would. But, I realize that I could change those parts, instead of just posting them, and trying to do clean up later. So, things/characters will change and develop, and hopefully become less shitty, as they often do in stories.**

 **Second, I feel that the only responses we should have for the troll are those of pity, because for the love of God, who has the time to do this? I think, to quote Zootopia, that they have a lot of self-doubt that is manifesting itself in the form of unchecked rage and aggression, just like Gideon did in the movie. So, henceforth, the troll's name shall be Gideon, and Gideon will have a role in this story, since Gideon seems to really like attention.**

 **Third, again, thanks for the nice words! See you next chapter!**


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Get ready to hate Edward some more!**

Chapter 30: Ketchup

EPOV

It's been almost fifteen minutes and she's still not here. I've dressed, shaved and cooked and she's still not here. I almost want to go next door and check on her to see if she's okay, but I hold myself back because, well. . . I don't know. Bella wouldn't exactly appreciate me popping up in her apartment when she's half naked.

But what a delicious sight that would be. Bella. . . naked. I immediately remember both last night and this morning, and my dick hardens a little at the memory. Bella's skin is like the softest thing in the world, such a contrast to mine. I don't care how marred she says it is, can't be much worse than mine. Her scars? Those are honorable. Mine? Ha. That woman, I swear she's glorious. And I want her. In more ways than I would admit to her, too. But what can I say? I am a man.

And Bella is all woman, that's for sure. Her breasts are the perfect size for my hands. Too perfect.

I note that I shouldn't really be thinking of her in this way, since I was friend-zoned so thoroughly the other day. But honestly, fuck that. My intentions with Bella may be extremely selfish, but I know that she wants me too. She wouldn't kiss me like she does or let me kiss her the way I do if she didn't.

Still, I feel like even though she's right there in front of me, I couldn't be further away from her. And I know that I'm stringing her along without telling her the truth about me, but I don't feel like she'd still be around if she knew what a weak man I was. So it doesn't matter. I'm throwing caution to the wind on that piece.

I'll just enjoy her while I have her until God snatches her away. Fuck, that sounds so wrong.

Pudding is sitting on the outskirts of the kitchen watching me since she's not allowed in. She sheds hair way too much to be around food.

"You can stare all you like, you're not getting any of this." I say, transferring the eggs off the pan and onto a plate. Breakfast isn't anything elaborate, just eggs, toast and some orange juice. Better than that shit food Bella was going to feed me. I take my time pouring the juice and putting it on the table, since she hasn't arrived yet. Plus I need something to keep me busy.

Five minutes pass and I'm sitting at the table, waiting. Pudding is sitting right next to me, giving me her sad puppy dog eyes. I reach out to pet her and laugh when she sniffs my hand for food.

Seven minutes pass and I've had enough waiting. It's terribly rude of her to make me wait, after I've made breakfast and all. I wonder if she's doing it on purpose.

But just then, I hear a knock on the door. I waste no time trudging to the door and yanking it open.

And there she is, smiling up at me. There's a light blue hat sitting on top of her head and her wavy brown hair is spilling out of it. She's dressed plainly in blue jeans and a grey v- neck but she couldn't possibly be any sexier in this moment.

"Ta daaa?" she says, waving her fingers at me, lamely. And I . . . I can't be mad anymore. She's too cute.

"What took you so long? Your eggs are getting cold. I was going to give them to Pudding." That same Pudding who is sticking her muzzle through my legs to get to Bella.

Bella looks down at Pudding and her smile grows even wider.

"Hi, Pudding! I missed you so much," she coos, petting at her. The situation is a little awkwardly placed, so I open the door wider and let Bella in. Pudding licks at Bella's hand and nuzzles it and they embrace like they haven't seen eachother in years. I'm a little jealous at all the attention my dog is getting, but the view of Bella's ass makes it all the better.

Finally they break it up, and Bella stands and walks into the kitchen.

"You cooked for me?" she smiles at me. "How domesticated of you."

"Correction, I cooked for me. The rest was just left over." I say, following behind her.

"Well , how nice of you to set my plate and pour me some juice, then." She teases. She drops her bag on the chair next to her and sits down. Slowly, I sit down next to her. "Thank you." She says with a genuine smile. I just shrug.

She looks around her plate. "Where's the fork?" Apparently I wasn't as thorough as I thought.

"What are forks?" I tease. She rolls her eyes and gets up. I turn to watch her rummage around my kitchen. Bella looks at my empty countertop, with her eyebrows furrowing. There used to be a lot of shit on it, until I smashed it all. Thankfully, she doesn't say anything though. She just pulls out drawers and gets out two forks.

"Here, you caveman." She hands me a fork and sits down.

"Thanks," I say as I reach for the ketchup. Bella makes a face.

"What now?" I sigh.

"Really, Edward? Do you have to drown your eggs in ketchup like that?"

"Yes." I reply simply, sitting the ketchup down and spreading butter on my toast. "So where are we going to shop? Bland Foods R Us?"

"Ha, ha. Very funny. And no, we're just going to the market down the street." Bella watches as I scoop my eggs onto my bread and fold it in half. She wrinkles her nose as I take a huge bite. We bicker back and forth while we eat, but it's all playful. When we're done, I rise to take the dishes to the sink. Bella smiles, and pats at her mouth with a napkin before balling it up and tossing it in the trash.

She misses the shot, and sticks her tongue out at me when I make a long buzzer sound. And, of course, I watch her ass as she goes to pick it up.

"Ready?" she says turning to me, adjusting her scarf and bag. I watch her like a creeper, appreciating the sight.

"Almost." I say. She scoffs, rolling her eyes and starts to say something but I've already pressed my lips to hers, shutting her up. I cradle her face in my hands and kiss her until she swoons. She's very light on her feet and I probably shouldn't take advantage but honestly, who fucking cares? Not us. I pull back a little and look down at her. Her eyes are still closed and her mouth is still slightly puckered.

"You were saying?" I ask, smirking.

"You taste like ketchup." Is her brilliant reply, before she grins."

* * *

*** **Bella POV*****

Why do you need so many vegetables?" Edward complains, taking a bag from my hand and sitting it in the basket. We ended up going to the Rosswell Market, which is about two miles from home.

"Because they're good for you. I feel like I've been eating nothing but junk food the whole time I've been here. Redi would have a fit."

"Who's Redi?" he asks, following behind me.

"An old friend. Gosh, the produce here is great." I gush, squeezing two tomatoes. I bag them up, weigh them and sit them in the basket. I move through aisles, picking up things and handing them to Edward who's been quiet for the most part, save for a few complaints on my food choices. We're heading to the dairy aisle, when someone shouts Edward's name.

"Edward!" he tenses immediately, then his shoulders sag and he ducks his head. He quickly swerves the cart down the aisle, putting his hand on my lower back to guide me.

"Someone's calling your name," I say, trying to keep up with his long strides.

"Fuck," he curses as the voice gets closer.

"Edward!" And lo and behold, it's Victoria. She steps in front of our cart, slightly out of breath. "Look who's alive."

"Hello, Victoria." he says with a tense smile.

"What are you doin' here?" she asks, overly giddy. Her hair is brushed into a ponytail, how she got it to cooperate, I have no idea. She's wearing a pink jacket that's about two sizes too small and it's zipped up right under her breasts to accentuate them, I suppose.

"Shopping with Bella." He answers, jerking his head towards me. Victoria's eyes fall to me and she plasters a fake smile on her face.

"Oh, Bella! I didn't see you there, you wallflower, you." She laughs her nasally laugh.

Oh, no she didn't. Agnes says, finally making her reappearance.

I don't say anything, I just nod and give her a small, fake smile back. Victoria whips her head back to Edward.

"So why didn't you call me back on Friday?" she pouts. I look up at Edward, who shifts on his feet. "I got lonely after you left."

Wait, what?

"I had things to do, Victoria." Edward mutters with a sigh. "In fact, I'm pretty busy right now, so if you'll excuse me – "

"Tryin' to get rid of me already?" She laughs, eyes shooting to me. "I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind if you and me spent some time together, right Bella? I mean, we've gotten quite familiar with each other these past weeks, haven't we, Edward?" Her eyes drift down his body and she licks her lips. "Quite familiar."

She's flirting obnoxiously, her confidence, her pride. . .

It's like a punch in the gut. So that's where he's been. Nervous breakdown, my ass.

"You know what?" I say, somehow managing to put a smile on my face. I don't even care if it's fake. "I don't mind. Take as long as you need." I knock Edward's hands off of the cart and take it over. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work."

"Wait, Bella – " Edward starts, but I cut him off. I can't look at him in the face and I know that he knows that I'm upset.

"I'll see you at work." I say, turning down the aisle. My face heats up as soon as I turn away and I feel like there is a stone lodged in my throat.

I don't know why I'm so mad. It probably has to do with the fact that while I was in the hospital Edward had basically abandoned me. After he had kissed me so passionately, begged me not to go, he had gone off with Victoria to do God knows what. For two whole weeks. And, I don't know, maybe I am assuming things but I have a nagging feeling that I'm not.

Honestly, it shouldn't bother me as much as it does because we're not in a relationship. I don't even know what we are. I don't know anything anymore.

This day has taken a turn for the worst and all I want to do is go home and not be bothered. Fate has other plans though, because as soon as I have paid for my food and am walking out of the door, sure enough Edward comes up beside me.

"Hey," he says, warily. "Um, are you ready to go?"

I don't say anything to him.

"Bella, I know you hear me." He groans. "Stop being such a child."

I stop and whip my head towards him.

"A child? You think I'm being a child?" I throw my head back and laugh cynically. "Oh that's real rich coming from you."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he demands, stepping in front of me. I don't answer, I just keep walking. Once I get to the street corner, I raise my hand to hail a cab.

"I don't even know what you're mad about. It's not like – "

"Not like, what?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"It's not like we're in a fucking relationship! I can see whoever the fuck I want! Victoria's just – "

"You know what, you're right. Please forgive me for assuming that we were anything more. I must have been confused by all of the kissing, groping, and sweet things you've been whispering in my ear all god damned day. I'm so sorry." I raise my hand even higher.

"What the fuck? You were the one who said we were just friends, not me. Don't even try to turn things around on me just because – "

"Right, because I've forgotten that Edward can do no wrong." And that's why I'm so disappointed.

"Just don't expect too much from me." He'd said. I'm more angry at myself for not listening to his warning.

When a cab finally pulls up, I don't hesitate opening the door and dropping my bags on the seat. Edward speaks at last, and his words slice through my heart.

"Well fuck it then!" Edward shouts, turning away from me and stomping off down the street, like a child.

I get in the cab and shut the door, tell the cabbie where to go, and go home. Fate thankfully doesn't intervene with that.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31: Help

When I walk through the lobby, Mr. Garrett greets me with a wide smile. I try to return it but I know that it doesn't look right. I'm feeling tired and sluggish all of the sudden, and the fight with Edward is definitely the reason. On top of that I'd been sitting in traffic for about thirty minutes, when I could have walked home. Even with all these bags I would have made it here sooner. I'll never understand New York traffic. Never.

"Need some help with those bags?" Mr. Garrett asks me, looking to my hands.

"Um, no I've got it. It's no trouble – "

"Nonsense! Benjamin!" he shouts, looking over his shoulder quickly. He waits a couple seconds, and then calls again. A door opens quickly, and a brown skinned man in a tank top, overalls and a work belt walks out.

"My God! Fresh air! It's like a hot box in there, Gramps. What are you trying to do, kill me?" He wipes the back of his hand over his forehead. His short, black hair is sticking to his forehead with sweat. I look out the window outside to where it's almost forty degrees and then back to him. "What do you need?"

"Erm, Benjamin, this is Bella. She lives on the third floor. Would you mind helping her with her bags? "Mr. Garrett asks him.

Benjamin's eyes flicker to mine and he gives me a sparkly, white smile. He should be on a Crest commercial.

"Sure, no problem. It's nice to meet you, Bella. I'd shake your hand but I'm all sweaty." He chuckles.

"It's quite alright," I assure him. Benjamin reaches to take the bags from my hand, along with a few I've got on the ground. All in all, I've got about twelve bags so I pick up the four left over. "See you, Mr. Garrett," I say, again trying to smile.

Mr. Garrett nods at me.

"Um, follow me, please." I say, walking towards the stairs. "So is Mr. Garrett your grandfather?"

"Yep," he answers from behind me.

"Well, he's a great man. You're very lucky to have him in your life." I mumble, readjusting my grip on the bag.

"That I am. So where are you from, Bella?" Benjamin asks me.

"Charlottesville, Virginia."

"Must be a big change living here in New York." Benjamin notes. "Do you like it so far?"

"Yeah, it's nice. Busy, and cold, but very nice."

"Well, if you get cold later on today you could always take over my job and work on the heating circuits downstairs?" he offers.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'll leave that to you." I say, forcing out a chuckle. When we get to my door, I take the bags from him. "Thanks so much for the help, Benjamin."

"Oh, sure. No problem, anytime." He shrugs.

"Would you like a glass of water before returning to the Saharan desert downstairs?" I ask, raising an eyebrow as I unlock my door.

"You know what? I would love a glass of water, if you don't mind." He says, smiling at me a little sheepishly.

"I don't." I push the door open and my eyes fall dart to the couch where Edward and I slept last night.

My head hurts.

When I turn to get the bags, Benjamin already has them in his hands. I smile at him ruefully and go to make his water, putting extra ice in his cup.

"Thanks," he says, reaching for the cup. But before it gets in his hands, I trip over my feet and end up dropping the glass on the ground.

"Oh, crap! I am so sorry," I say, looking from the shards of glass on the floor to him. "Don't move, I'll just get a broom and a dustpan . . ." I mumble, scurrying off into my kitchen.

"It's no problem," Benjamin laughs. "No harm done to me. It was your glass, not mine, anyway."

I nod and give a nervous chuckle. After the glass is swept up, I dispose of it and get him another.

"Sorry about that, here you go." He takes the glass and smiles reassuringly at me, peeking up over the rim of the glass as he takes a sip. I realize that I'm standing next to him like an idiot, watching him drink, so I occupy myself with unloading my groceries.

"Well, Bella. Thanks for water." Benjamin says when he's finished, sitting the glass on my counter. "I best be getting back to the sweat shop, I mean, downstairs."

I really appreciate his ability to lighten the mood.

"No problem, thanks for the help with the bags."

"No problem," he repeats, nodding at me. I open the door to let him out. "Stay warm!" Benjamin teases with a wide smile.

I shake my head and gently push Benjamin out of my door, just as I see Edward coming up the stairs. He stops, looks at Benjamin walking out of my door and then looks at me. I can't read his face, but I can tell that he's not particularly happy.

"Excuse me," Benjamin says in a sing song voice, as he breezes past Edward. Edward turns and watches Benjamin walk down the stairs and then again turns to look at me. He raises his eyebrows and then quickly drops them.

"Wow. I'm impressed." He says, a little frown on his face as if to say, "Not bad!" He takes slow steps up the stairs until he's reached the top.

"With what?" I sneer, crossing my arms and leaning on the doorframe. Edward's head bobs and he gestures to me then to the bottom of the stairs.

"Who would've thought that you'd move on so fast? I hope it was good. " He snickers, walking past me.

"E _xcuse me_?" I shriek. Edward just laughs and reaches his hand in his pocket for his key. "How dare you –"

"Oh, I dare, Bella. I dare, so hard." And then he just laughs some more. Who is this Edward? Where has the one from earlier today gone?

My face heats up with anger and embarrassment and I ball up my fists. I don't think I've ever been this angry or disappointed in him and it makes my head hurt even more because I don't _want_ to feel this way. I want to go back and rewind time to earlier this morning, when we were happy and playing around with each other. But I'm also partially relieved that he's showing his true colors, as well as embarrassed that I was foolish enough to let him get so close to me. This Edward, I don't know this Edward. If I had, I would have never let him in my house. I would have never let him kiss me. This Edward, with his foul mouth and harsh words, he's a stranger. But I let him in regardless, I was stupid enough to expect anything from him, when he told me from the beginning that I shouldn't. I feel angry, and I feel dumb, and those two emotions have my stomach in knots and my skin on fire with rage.

"I really hope you're satisfied, Bella." He says not looking at me, rifling around his satchel for his key. "Truly. I hope he was the best you've ever – "

I don't know where it comes from, but I trudge up to him and pull my hand back to punch him in the face. Sadly, I miss and my knuckles connect with his shoulder blade. Edward turns quickly and grabs my other arm that's already reaching up to hit him and restrains them to my side.

"Fuck you," I seethe, staring straight into his eyes.

"Round two already, Bella? You continue to impress me," he says softly, leaning me against the wall. We're chest to chest and he's looking down at me, straight into my eyes. "Too bad I already made plans with Victoria."

I stare back at him in shock for a minute, not saying anything. The hard and uncaring look in his eyes causes my glare to falter. And when I blink, tears cloud up my eyes and obscure my vision of his perfect, stupid, indifferent face. I can't help my lip from trembling and the tears from falling down my cheeks, even though I try to hold them back. A pathetic sobs erupts from me, and I just _cry._

I can't help it, I really can't.

I feel Edward's hold on me loosen, and then his arms are wrapped around me tightly and my face is buried into his jacket. His zipper, I note even through my tears, is extremely uncomfortable against my cheek.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. . . I didn't – Please don't cry. _God,_ Bella, don't _cry –"_

I let him hold me for a while - not because I want to, but because his arms are wrapped around mine, making it hard for me to push him away.

I wriggle them free and start shoving at his chest until I break us apart. Edward stumbles back a few steps and I hear him grunt.

God, I must be such a sight to him right now.

"B- Bella –" he starts.

But I'm already inside my house and I've slammed the door and I've locked it, permanently shutting him out.


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: Sorry this is kind of late! Hope you're all doing well.**

Chapter 32: Thin Walls

I have never, _ever_ in my life been as hurt as I am in this moment. My heart feels like it's about to burst from my chest and that scares the crap at me because I can't go back to the hospital again, I just can't. I know that this pain is different, but it still makes my body ache. And it's too much to handle. It's still here - even now hours later. I've already called Alice and canceled our plans, so now I'm just lying on my bed with the covers to my chin, staring blankly out my window.

The tears have stopped running hot down my cheeks, my eyes feel heavy in my skull so I close them and try to sleep. Instead, I just drift in and out, not really dreaming and not really escaping my feelings.

I can't escape Edward. His face is still in the forefront of my mind. . . the way he looked at me like I was some _whore_. His voice is still ringing in my ears, the way he basically related me to those easy girls he's been with. Can I blame him, though? It was ridiculously easy of me to let him in, to let him touch me. And I can almost feel his tight grip around me, hugging me to him. Part of me resents pushing away from him so fast because maybe a second more spent in his arms would have lessened this pain. Or maybe even made it worse. It probably would have. My lips feel dry and cracked. _I_ feel dry and cracked. I feel stupid.

God, does he really think so low of me? Does he really think I would do what he thought I did? I mean, he has to know that I'm a virgin, he has to have some inkling of perception that I wouldn't just throw myself at some random man like that. Because I never would.

And how naive could I possibly be to think that me and Edward were anything more than just friends? We hadn't made anything official. I had no right to blow up at him like I did. No right to fall so fast for him like I did.

{~'~}

Two hours pass and I don't believe that anymore.

Something festers up inside of me with time. The sadness, the heartbreak and all that pain that I felt is still there, it's just gone through a metamorphosis and emerged as anger.

And oh, am I angry.

I sit up in my bed and pull my knees up to my chest, and seethe.

Fuck this and fuck him. I didn't need any of this. I'm repulsed with myself, in fact, for falling like I did. For losing focus of what we really mattered, for what I came here for. My job. My career. Myself. Instead I just wrap myself around the first hot guy that I meet.

Like a typical, easy girl. Like old Isabella would. I seem to have forgotten that I am trying to be a new person now, that I can do anything and can be anything I want and that the only opinion regarding my behavior that really truly matters is my own. I need to believe in that.

I think that this wake-up call was sorely needed. In fact I should go and thank Edward.

But I won't. Instead of telling him that I am better, I'll just show him.

I call Alice.

"Wassup dog?" she asks in a gangster accent. "Feeling better?"

"Loads. What are you doing?"

"I'm actually coming up the stairs right now, I'll be at your door in twenty . . . nineteen . . . eighteen . . . seventeen. . ."

I get up and head to the door and open it.

"How convenient of you to stop by." I say. Alice skips up the stairs and drops her phone from her ear. When she sees me, her eyes bug out of her head.

"What the hell happened to you?" She asks, dropping her bag to the floor and prodding my face. I bat her hands away.

"Just come in and I'll tell you all about it." I say. She raises her eyebrows and looks over to Edward's door, but obeys.


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: Yes, I know. I'm shit. Love y'all though!**

Chapter 33: A Recap

"So, again, what the fuck happened?" Alice asks as soon as we've settled in. We're sitting on my bed – not my couch, eating some Mexican take-out that Alice kindly picked up. She's gotten me a nacho bowl that's filled with salsa, sour cream and guacamole, as well as a big bag of chips. It's sweet of her to get, and plus it looks pretty healthy. Tastes even better.

"Me and Edward had a fight." I say simply, stuffing a chip into my mouth. The burrito that's headed to Alice's mouth halts.

"I knew it." She says, before taking a monstrous bite.

"How did you know?" I ask, not believing her.

"Never you mind that, just tell me why!" She says through a full mouth.

"Well, do you know Victoria?"

"I know of her." She shrugs.

"How much do you know? And how."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Well, Rosalie mentioned her when we were talking at your party-thing."

"Is that all?"

"I dunno. . . Edward might have said something. What are you getting at?"

"Remember when I was in the hospital?" I ask her, swirling my chip around my bowl. I notice that the colors of the toppings ironically are the same as the Mexican flag.

"Of course I do."

"Well, you remember that Edward didn't visit me after we kissed? For like weeks."

"Yeah. . ."

"So, Victoria and Edward were, you know. . ." It still stings to think the words, let alone say them.

"What?" she asks. A dozen emotions flash across her face within a matter of seconds, from confusion, to disbelief to pity.

"Bella. . . I don't know how you came up with that conclusion but – "

"No buts. They totally did. After me and Edward woke up we went grocery shoppi-"

"Edward slept over?"

"Alice!"

"What? Okay, go on."

"Anyway, we went grocery shopping and Victoria was there. She made it obvious that they had been spending quite a lot of time with each other. Edward didn't even deny it. So I left. And then he catches up with me as I'm leaving the store and he's like, 'Well I can see whoever I want because we're not in a relationship.' Even though this whole fucking day and last night we've been loved up on my fucking couch. He even made me breakfast. . . But, anyway, when I finally get home after sitting in traffic Mr. Garrett gets his buff grandson to help me carry my bags upstairs. I get him some water as a thanks and when he leaves, Edward sees him leaving my house."

Alice gasps at this and shakes her head, as if she already knows that it was only going to get worse from here.

"So then he like, 'Oh, didn't know you would move on so fast. I hope the sex was good.' And then I get mad and hit him and then he tells me that he made plans to meet up with Victoria again and then I start crying and he starts apologizing but. . . Yeah. Suffice to say we're through." My voice breaks at the last part and I have to clear my throat.

"Holy shit, is that why. . . Are you okay, Bella? I can go ki-"

"No, no. I'm okay. I'm great, even. I'm over it."

We both know that it's a lie but we don't comment on it, we just stay silent for a minute and eat our food.

"So what are you going to do, then? I mean, let's be real here. You're still basically in love with him."

"See, that's where you're wrong. I am. . . I am so _done_ with his moodiness. His attitude. All of it. You don't know, Alice. You didn't see how . . . how _cruel_ he was."

Alice puts your hands up.

"Okay. Okay. But he probably thinks you'll come back or something. I dunno."

"I'm just going to do what I came here to do originally. Work and be happy." I shrug.

"But you and Edward are like, partners or whatever. How – I mean, I can assure you that he's going to make that extremely difficult for you. He'll corner you and try to talk about it or something."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to work on my professionalism, then won't I?"

"You're . . . you're really angry with him, aren't you?"

I shrug again.

"Well, I'm here for you, you know?" she says, taking a bite of her burrito again.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks," I say with a small smile. "Any tips you want to give me for work tomorrow?"

Alice's eyes sparkle with mischief and a slow grin spreads upon her face. I have a feeling that this is going to be more fun that I thought.


	34. Chapter 34

**AN: Hey guys! Thanks for all of your reviews, I really appreciate them, they really light the fire under my ass. Not gonna say anything about how I'll post sooner, since I've said that before. I'll show you better than I can tell you! Hopefully this chapter makes up for how short the last one was!**

Chapter 34: Work Day

The next morning Alice comes over to help me get ready. I protest against this of course, but she insists that I'll mess up something if she's not there. And plus, she knows where the spare key is hidden, so my chances of locking her out are crushed. If I'm honest, I'm glad she's coming over because my stomach is in knots. I briefly considered just staying home, but that would be extremely counterproductive.

"Stay still already, or I'll have to braid it again!" Alice is doing my hair. She's putting a lot of effort into it, she says that if our plan is gonna work, then I can't look like I've been crying all weekend. Her tactics for me include being calm, collected, flawless and indifferent to Edward, while still maintaining a professional undertone. I'm not sure I can pull it off though; I'm worried that as soon as Edward says something to me, I'll crumble like a Jenga tower. Which is why Alice is here, to keep me grounded. Or at least, that's why I'm not kicking her out.

Once she's done, she shoos me off to get dressed. It's a simple outfit because Alice says that we can't overdo it. I pull on some forest green skinny jeans and a light-weight, white button up and boots. She turns me to the mirror and I nod in approval. My hair is braided messily halfway across the back of my head, and though it took Alice sometime to accomplish it doesn't look so extravagant. The makeup on my face is minimal, a little blush, a smidgen of lip gloss and mascara. Alice had to restrain herself from contouring the heck out of my face.

"Wow, thanks Alice. I look great." I gush, a little impressed.

"Not too much, not too little." She says, standing behind me. "Are you ready?"

I shrug and grab my jacket. "I don't have much of a choice, do I? But sure."

"Well, if you need any advice or words of encouragement. . ."

"Yeah, I know. Text you."

"Right, well. It's time to go."

Of course, I have to leave the house earlier since me and Edward usually walk together to work. It's annoying that I have to adjust my schedule to avoid him, but there's no other option. It's either be early or be late, and I choose the former.

Since Alice moved into an apartment the floor above me, we part ways at my door with a silent hug.

{~'~}

When I get to work, I make sure to check in with Mr. Seth about the H&B website and upcoming projects. We're doing this new spread on strangers "in everyday life" that is supposed to deal with all of humanity being "one in the same". It sounds interesting enough, and I'm confident in my abilities until Mr. Seth says that it's going to be a partner collage.

It's not like me and Edward haven't worked together, because well, we're partners. Of course we have. It's just that with this project there is to be a lot more conversing and comparing of the photos to fit with the theme. And if we don't agree with each other's work. . . I can foresee this going very, very wrong. Yay.

"Bella!" I hear behind me. I turn to see Angela grinning at me. I've almost forgotten what she looks like, but here she is, trendy cat-eye glasses and friendly smile in all.

"Hey, Ange," I say, giving her a hug.

"How are you? Are you feeling better?" she asks, squeezing and releasing me.

"Yeah, I'm great. How are you? I kinda missed you guys."

"Aww, we missed you too! And we're all great. Well, some of us. You'll see what I mean." She smiles devilishly and I follow her to our office.

"Well, look who's back!" Mike shouts, leaning back in his chair. He's wearing his usual button-up and tie with jeans, and his hair is stilled gelled back. I shoot him a polite smile, and curtsey a little.

"In the flesh," I say, dropping my bag at my desk and taking a seat.

"So how was your vacation?" Mike asks.

"Well, I don't think you could call it a vacation, given that I was in the hospital."

"Better than being holed up here," he says with a laugh.

"I beg to differ," I mumble. "So can anyone set me up with the website? I want to see what you guys came up with."

"I'll do it!" Alec shouts, rushing over to my cubicle space. "Glad you're well again, by the way." He says, giving me a smile. "Anyway. . ."

And then he starts speed talking me through the whole site, the upgrades they've done and the links that they've added, and the basic navigation of the site. The only time he stops is when I ask him to go over something again, which is like, a million times.

"My god, Alec!" Jane says. We both turn to look at her, I'm amused at her outburst since she's so quiet all the time. "Can you slow the hell down, please? I'm trying to get an earful of this too."

Her accent, it's so cute.

"I, uh, sorry, Jane. Sometimes I – "

"It's okay, just take a breath every once in awhile. It's good for the lungs." She jokes. So Jane makes jokes now, too? What the hell have I missed?

A couple minutes later, I feel someone standing oddly close behind me. I shiver a little, and turn to see Edward standing behind me. His cheeks are rosy from the cold and he does _not_ look happy. I raise an eyebrow and smirk, then turn back to listen to Alec, who is completely oblivious to the guy standing so close to us.

"But I guess, that can be worked out in a matter of time. We talked to Zafrina about it and she said that she could help us out with managing the storage space so we don't have to worry so much about it overriding everything, especially with the collage thing on strangers happening, we can't really afford to lose any work, so that's why it's important that you save your work every five minutes until we get it worked out because it doesn't autosave, which sucks, but like I said we can get that worked out soon. But yeah, I think that's it. If you have any questions, just ask!" he says, standing up.

"Thanks, Alec! You've been a great help." I say. He flicks his hand and wrinkles his nose.

"Aw, anytime girl!" he says, turning. "Oh, Edward! Didn't see you there. Warn somebody next time, I almost used my judo on you." He jokes and then returns to his desk. I'm still facing my computer screen, clicking about. From my peripherals I see Edward pull out his chair and throw his bag on the ground.

He's sits down, boots up his computer and taps his fingers on his desk.

"I waited for you." He says finally. I stay facing my computer screen and take a deep breath.

"What do you mean?" I ask in a monotone voice. Not bad for the first try. I move my mouse in circles on my screen, trying to make it seem as if I'm actually doing something. My mind is suddenly hazy with the pressure of pretending to act indifferent, so much that I forgot what I'm supposed to be doing.

"I waited at your door for like five minutes. I knocked." He says. I can't understand the tone of his voice at all, it's like it's matter-of-fact, but still kind of. . . sad?

"Oh, I left early." I say, in a manner that shocks me a little. It's a little condescending and a little joking, as if I'm saying, "Duh, you silly goose!" and I kind of am.

"Yeah, I fucking gathered that," Ooh, pulling out the curse words. He's really mad. Still, he's not shouting. His voice is deep and low, the conversation is just for us. "So that's it, then? You're not gonna – "

"Edward," I say, taking a breath. "Not now, okay? We're at work."

"Like I give a shit, Bella. Just fucking listen to me alright? I'm trying to – "

"I don't care what you're trying to do, to be honest. All I know is that I have work to do. _We_ have work to do. So unless what you have to say is work related, don't say it at all." I turn my face to look at him briefly and give him a quick, fake smile and then turn back to my screen to move my mouse around some more.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35: Revenge

One thing I didn't factor in was the walk home. It's nearly the end of our workday, and I'm starting to get antsy. Thankfully, Edward hasn't been too difficult today. That does not mean that he's been making it easy for me, however. He's around me every chance he gets, answering my questions before anyone else can, commenting on my wok, and just. . . being there.

And guess who else has been around? Victoria, of course.

I'm washing my hands in the bathroom and speak of the devil, here she is. She waltzes over to the mirror beside me, putting emphasis in the swing of her hips.

"Bella, just the girl I was looking for," she sneers.

Professional, Bella. Be professional.

"Yes, Victoria?" I ask.

"I just needed to ask you something. You don't mind if me and Edward make things official, do you?" she takes out some lipstick, and smears it all over her lips. The nerve this girl has, I swear. Still, I don't miss a beat. This is one thing I _have_ prepared for.

"No, not at all! I think it's really cool that you're cool with it." I say with a small smile, looking at her. She stops for a second, and raises an eyebrow.

"Well of course! Why wouldn't I be?" she rolls her eyes. "Like, have you seen the guy?"

I shrug and look down at my hands.

"You're right. I think it's really sweet what you're doing with him. I know some girls wouldn't be able to handle the whole abstinence thing."

"W-what?" Victoria laughs, and it's so loud and annoying. It's like listening to the Alvin and the Chipmunks on high. "Oh, Bella. You're so cute. Trust me, me and Edward aren't abstinent whatsoever."

I bug my eyes out of my head and drop my jaw and stare at her.

"What? Why not? Aren't you scared?" I gasp.

Her laughter ceases slowly and she starts to look hesitant. "Um, no. Why would I be?"

I pretend to look horrified and shake my head.

"Edward didn't tell you?" I ask her quietly, as if I don't want anyone to hear.

"Tell me what?" she asks, I've definitely got her attention. Her expression is priceless, and it's only going to get better. I'm loving this.

"Victoria," I say, frowning sadly at her. "Edward tested positive for gonorrhea."

Oh, her face. I can't. . . I swear I'm not going to be able to hold in my laughter for much longer.

"What? No, that can't be. You're fucking with me, aren't you?" she shouts, taking a step back.

"I wish I was, but I went with him to the clinic and everything. I mean, I know he was embarrassed about it, in denial even. . . but I never thought that he'd be so irresponsible."

"But. . . I don't – I mean, I haven't –" she stutters. I take a slow step forward and put a gentle hand on her arm.

"Most women are asymptomatic. But, look, it's curable. There' a stigma about – "

"Shut up!" she screeches, leaping back. "Shut up!"

"If I were you, I'd – "

"Oh, fuck –, " and then she flies out of the bathroom.

And I can't help it, I just double over and I laugh and I laugh, clutching my stomach.

I don't care if it's mean. I don't care if I'm taking things too far. At least now I know that he'll feel at least a fraction of the humiliation that I felt, that he made me feel. I've exacted my revenge and I feel extremely light as I leave the bathroom.

I skip – yes, I said skip – back to my desk. I plop down in my seat, and tinker with my computer with purpose now.

"Edward," I hear a voice squeak behind me. "Can I speak to you in private, please?"

"What do you want?" he groans. " Because I'm sure it can wait until- "

"Jesus fucking Christ, this is serious! I'm not fucking kidding." Victoria shrieks. Edward grunts and gets up reluctantly. We're all watching the two of them leave, and Angela looks at me from over her glasses with her eyebrows raised but she doesn't say anything.

"Closing time!" Tyler shouts, getting everybody's attention. "I'll see you fine mofos later."

I pack up my bag, and sling it over my shoulder. "See you guys on Wednesday!" I wave to them, and smile.

On my way out, Rosalie stops me.

"Hey, is everything alright?" she asks, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, sure. Peachy keen. You?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just asking because I just saw Edward and Victoria going at it in the hallway." She furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

"Like, arguing? Or – "

"Arguing. Something about an STD? Is um, everything working okay with Edward? I'm just asking because – "

"Rosalie, I honestly wouldn't know," I say with a laugh and an innocent smile.

"Bullshit, Bella. I can smell it on you. Are you and Edward beefing right now? Because if so, I want to help."

I turn to Rosalie and assess her. "You're really good, you know that? How could you tell?"

"I just can," she says with a shrug. "Anyway, do you need some advice or anything? Because I've been working here for about two years, and I know what really pisses Edward off."

"Thanks, but I'm good for now," I grin up at her. "But I'll definitely keep you on speed dial."

"For sure, girl! Anytime," Rosalie says, walking with me towards the door.

"But you know, that reminds me. Alice and I were planning on having a girl's night tomorrow and we'd love to have you along, if you're into that sort of thing?"

"You bet I am. I've been aching for some girl time; strangely nobody here really invites me out much. It's like they're scared of me or something." She shrugs innocently.

"Yeah, I'm sure they have no reason to be. Harmless ol' you, only wanting to help piss people off," I joke, nudging her elbow.

She smiles brightly and tosses her hair like the girls you see in the commercials.

"I try to do what I can for friends in need," she shrugs. Rosalie shoots me a hesitant little smile, as if she's asking for permission to be friends or something.

I laugh, and nod my head.

"In that case, I really can't fathom what they find so scary about you."

"Girl, I'm just as lost as you." She chuckles, looking down at her feet.


	36. Chapter 36

**AN: Hey guys! Here's another chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 36: Shrugs

Rosalie and I decide to have some coffee while we're off. She's only on break for the moment and has to return, so we spend it at a coffee shop called "Peet's" that is down the street. When we get there she orders hers coffee all black, while I order hot chocolate.

"So," I say, climbing up on my stool. "You and Emmett, huh?"

"Bah," she blurts, putting her wallet in her purse. Her lips are pursed tightly and she doesn't look up.

"Rosalie? A-are you. . . blushing?" I gasp in shock. She smiles a little and rolls her eyes.

"Oh, hush. It's a natural reaction that I can't help." She smiles a shy smile, and the rosyness of her cheeks only complements that. I don't think I've ever seen her look so. . . soft.

"When did this happen?" I ask her, referring to when her and Emmett started going out.

"Like, I dunno, two weeks ago? And we're only dating, nothing is official." She shrugs.

"And how did that start? He'd mentioned that he asked you out a while ago and that you turned him down. . ."

"Ah, yes." She laughs and her eyes get all twinkly as she remembers. "I told him I had just broken up with my boyfriend. It's funny though, I haven't had a boyfriend in years."

"Really?" I'm genuinely surprised at this. I mean, Rosalie doesn't appear to be the girl that guys would just walk away from. Not to me, anyway.

"Yeah, really. Like I said, people are scared of me."

"Then why'd you turn him down?" I ask, confusedly.

"He was having an issue making eye contact, if you know what I mean. And don't tell Emmett, but I actually really like the guy. I wasn't going to give in to him that easy."

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious that you like him. I mean, how many dates have you guys been on?"

"Not that many, actually. Like, five. We work, so – "

"Rosalie!" a barista shouts from behind the counter.

"I got it," she says, sauntering off to fetch her cup, but she waits for mine to be finished as well before she returns. When she comes back I thank her.

"So?" I ask, prodding her on.

"What?" She takes a long sip of her coffee.

"Are you going to make things official with Emmett? He's a good guy, you know? And – "

"I know he is. And I want to. Just. . . not yet." I start to ask why, but she starts speaking before I do. "First, I want his friendship. I need to know more, I want to know more. I just, I don't know, I think we should just wait a while? I'm going to let him court me and stuff before we get too serious."

I nod like I understand it completely. I've always thought that if you like someone you should just go for it and tell them, yet I guess I've never really put that theory into practice, so what do I know? What Rosalie is doing makes sense though, and I think it's sweet. Emmett will appreciate her a lot more when they actually make things official. It'll really solidify their relationship.

"So, you and Edward?" Rosalie sets her cup down and rubs her hands together.

"There isn't a me and Edward, really." I shrug, keeping my voice nonchalant.

"Really? Because it didn't look that way a few weeks ago. What happened?"

"I guess, unlike you, we rushed things. I've never, you know, been in a relationship before so when things started happening. . ." I shrug again. "We're not really –" I clear my throat. "On good terms at the moment."

"That sucks. Sorry about that." She says, and she does sound sorry. This bothers me a little, because she really had no hand in it. I just shrug and she chuckles. "Quit shrugging already. It's hard, I know."

"I guess." I say and try my best not to shrug, even though I really want to. "So, how'd you get to be a receptionist at H&B?" I feel like this is a silly question to ask, but I need a change of subject.

"Nepotism, sort of. My uncle has been friends with Seth since they were kids. I screwed up in college and needed a job, so." Now she shrugs. I giggle and she notices and grins sheepishly.

"So what were you in college for, what was your major?"

"Nothing, really. I was undecided for three years. I just took a bunch of random classes and my general ed. Then I just dropped out."

"Think you'll ever go back?" I wonder.

"In this economy?" Rosalie laughs. "Not now, anyway."

"You could always get a sugar daddy?" I blurt. I'm not serious about it at all of course, but still for some reason I still feel a little embarrassed to have said it. Thankfully Rosalie just laughs.

"Yeah, maybe." She says, and takes another sip.

I'm quite surprised at how the rest of my week goes. The days have been way easier than I thought they would be. My heart rate is normal and the upped dosage of my medication hasn't swayed my sleeping habits at all. In fact, I feel as if I am sleeping easier without the weight of stress on my shoulders. I've even managed to make two calls back home and neither of them ended up in screaming or tears.

The first time, I talked to my mom. I'd apologized for being a brat and for not flying back home from Virginia when I heard she was ill. She'd told me that she understood and that I should call home more because she misses me like crazy. I don't know if it was the heart attack and the fact that she was bedridden for about two weeks, but she seems to have some understanding of what I've been going through my whole life. We have an agreement that I'm starting my life here, but that I shouldn't forget about my old one back home. When I asked if Dad was around so I could talk to him, she said that he wasn't.

The second time I called back I only got to talk to Redi. I told her about everything that had been happening thus far, about Edward and the hospital and about work. She'd told me to be careful and to not overstress myself. She was also eager to remind me of what I came to New York for, and that it wasn't to get myself sucked into a relationship with a guy that doesn't treat me nicely. When I asked if my Dad was around, she, too, told me that he wasn't. When I asked if she knew when he was going to be, she said she wasn't sure.

I had called him twice, sent him a text and left him a voicemail and all four were ignored. I can't help but wonder if he's doing this on purpose to show me how it feels. I'm not worrying over it too much though, because at least I know he's okay.

That's pretty much the only thing that's been bothering me. Alice and Jasper are going steady, not officially – but they might as well be. When I asked Alice if she'd told Jasper about what happened, she said that she would soon. Rosalie and Emmett are still seeing each other, and every time I see her, I swear her smiles get bigger and bigger.

I'm trying my best not to base my happiness off of theirs, even though sometimes I can't help but miss the affection. Even when the affection I had with Edward was extremely limited in consistency.

I have been doing well, though.

At night when I'm trying to fall asleep, Edward will occasionally drift into my thoughts, but then I think of something else instead. And when I wake up and leave my house for work, sometimes I still catch myself walking to his door and knocking to let him know I'm ready to leave, but then I laugh (or groan, mostly, if I'm honest) at myself for not having broke that habit.

He's been giving me space and only talking to me when it's work-related. I still feel him staring at me when he thinks I don't notice, but I do. Because I'm doing it too, because he won't stop doing it. Alice tells me that he's doing fine, but I think she's just telling me that so I don't worry myself over him.

I'm doing well, though.

I've only cried once and immediately regretted when I woke up. I told this to Alice once, and she consoled me saying that it's only been a week and that it's normal to still think about him. Be that as it may, I'm mostly attributing it to PMS. Regardless, I obviously feel something for him, or it wouldn't have crossed my mind in the first place. But like Alice said, it's only been a week, and I can give myself a break. I'm learning, and this stage is temporary. That makes me feel better, so I don't stop myself from thinking about him now as I'm walking to work.

When I get there, Rosalie is arranging red roses on her desk with a small smile on her already dreamy face. She sees me coming and straightens up with a clear of her throat.

"More "roses for a Rose", eh, Rosalie?" I snicker, leaning on the counter.

"He's so corny, I don't know if I love it or hate it." She huffs, turning to rifle through my card file.

"Oh, you definitely love it. Your face. It says it all."

"Whatever. Here you go." She hands me a stack of mail. I wince at its weight.

"Holy cow, this is thicker than usual." I thwack it against my hand in emphasis.

"That it is, I think you've beaten Edward at having the heaviest mail." She smiles. I shrug.

"It's probably just advertisements, anyway."

"Maybe, I don't know. You look hot by the way. But did Alice see your shoes?"

"Ha! She'd have a heart attack." I giggle, looking down at my burgundy converse. I've paired them with a dress, also burgundy, that comes mid-thigh with a simple black belt around the waist, as well as black stockings. My hair is loosely curled and I've pinned up my bangs to the side, since I'm still in need of a haircut.

"Stockings? With converse?!" Rosalie mimics Alice's voice and we both fall into fits of laughter. Rosalie's smile falls a little when she looks behind me, and I automatically know the reason without even having to turn around.

"See you later," I murmur and scurry off to my department.

"Bella," I hear from behind me, and I halt. I could have acted like I didn't hear it, but I haven't heard his voice since Friday. My heart pounds unevenly and I turn slowly to face Edward. I use the term "face" lightly, because I'm actually looking anywhere but.

He's wearing white button up under a black jacket and dark jeans that seem to hang low on his hips. His hands are both holding tight onto his messenger bag.

"Um, yes?" I ask, looking down at his shoes. Blue Converse.

"I. . ." he starts. We're silent for a minute, and it's awkward because I know that he's looking straight at my face but I'm looking at his shoes.

 _Look at him, stop being a wuss._

"I was wondering what you were doing later. After work." His question confuses me for a moment, and I don't say anything. Is he asking me out?

"Um, I – "

"For work, I mean. After work, for work. The project, we need to work on it. If we get a head start, I think we could have more time to – "

"Oh," I say, exhaling. "Um, yeah."

"Yeah?" he repeats, confused.

"I mean, nothing. I'm not doing anything. Did you. . ."

"Yeah – "

"Yeah?" I ask, with a small smile. Edward sighs and we both chuckle at our lack of conversation skills. At least, that's what I'm laughing at. "Where did you want to go?"

"Well, I mean strangers are everywhere. We could just walk around. If that's okay with you?"

I nod way too many times.

"Okay, good. Cool."

And then I nod some more. I smile a little and look up at him finally, and even though it's fleeting, I can see a small smile on his lips and catch his green eyes looking at me. He looks tired. I make up an excuse about having to go to the bathroom and scurry off like the little coward I am. When I get there, I glare at myself in the mirror.


	37. Chapter 37

**AN: Yes, yes, yes, I know, I suck, I'm sorry, here, enjoy!**

Chapter 37: Worth It

"So what aspect are you two going for?"

All the girls are sitting in the break room, since it's our lunch break. Well, not all of us. Victoria is conveniently absent, which means that Jessica is as well. Part of me wonders why, but the other is Agnes telling me to that I already do. On Wednesday, Victoria had brought a pillow to work for her to sit on and wouldn't sit on anything else. Seems like someone actually has an STD. Or hemorrhoids. Either way, I'm satisfied. I recognize that what I did was a little petty, and wouldn't win me any good girl points with the guy upstairs, but I can't bring myself to regret it, either.

"Me and Alec were going to focus on awkward moments in everyday life. I do not know how we're supposed to capture those shots, since they're all sort of spontaneous but we will try." Jane replies, taking a small bite out of a celery stick she's holding in her hands. "What about you?"

Angela shrugs. "I don't know. We had a few ideas, but we haven't really narrowed them down yet. What about you Bella?"

The forkful of salad halts for a second as I mumble a, "Same here." I'm not sure where to start with this project, but I'm sure that Edward will have a few ideas. And I'm even surer that I'll be able to work with him successfully, too. Then again, what the heck do I know? It's really easy to say that when I'm not around him, but we'll just have to see how it goes.

We finish up eating and then get back to work.

{~'~}

"Deadline is next Wednesday, guys. Please email me the candids by Friday, though, so I can dally them up accordingly." Mr. Seth says.

"Also, also! If you look through your mail, you'll see an invitation to Geshe's evening gala. As many of you know, we attend it every year, and this year is no different. The event isn't for another month, but I'm telling you now so you all are prepared. Dress is formal attire, fellas if you've somehow forgotten what that means, it means no tennis shoes." He leans forward and raises an eyebrow at all the men in the room. "Women, please wear shoes you can walk in, and please dress. . . . appropriately." He looks pointedly at Victoria and Jessica. "Men, buy a new suit from a good store. If I have to wear a suit, then you'll have to suffer along with me. That means no cheap ties."

"Mike!" Tyler coughs into his hands, and a few of us try to stifle our laughter. I think Mr. Seth hears it because his mouth quirks, but he continues.

"Everyone is entitled a plus one, but please make sure that they follow the dress code as well. If you have any questions, please do ask me." He claps his hands, gives us a wide smile and bows, signifying the end of our day. We filter out of the conference room one by one. As soon as we get to our department and I've gathered up my stuff, Edward taps my shoulder.

"Ready?" he asks, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Yeah, sure. Bye guys," I say to everyone behind me. I hear a few respond back, but we're already walking towards the door. I keep a reasonable amount of distance between us, but not to the point that I hurt his feelings. Then, I start to wonder why I'm sparing his feelings when he obviously didn't spare any of mine. Oh, right. Because I'm being professional.

We pass by Rosalie's desk at the front and she shoots me a look. I can't really read what her expression is, but one of her eyebrows is considerably higher than the other. I mutter a "see ya" and trudge along. When we do make it outside, I figure that this would be the proper time to speak.

"So, we should walk to Spruce street. There's a nice park over there and we could get some good shots." I say, nodding to the right. Edward glances down the street, then back to me.

"Alright."

And then we walk. The only sounds we make are coming from our shoes on the pavement. I tighten my peacoat around me and start gnawing on my lip. I won't say anything to him, I'd already decided, that is not work related. I'm trying to keep it cordial and that's it. But we're not at work anymore. And I have got to admit that his lack of communication is starting to bother me a little, but I don't show it.

So we walk in silence.

And even when we get to the park, we take pictures in silence. Even when we direct each other, suggest filters, and advise, it's still pretty silent. Forced. Agnes tells me to get used to it.

{~'~}

"I like this one," Edward says. He looks up from my camera and leans over to show me what he's looking at.

"Thanks," I say, and look back down at his camera. I hear him huff from beside me, and from my peripherals I see him pull back his sleeve to look at his watch.

"I think that's enough for today. We can shoot some more another day."

"When?" I ask, not looking up from his camera.

"Wednesday is good for me, how about you?"

"Yeah, sure." I unwrap the strap from around my neck and pass him his camera. I look at up at him and notice that he's frowning. He takes his camera and gives me back mine.

"Do you mind if we take the same cab? You know since we're both going t-"

"Yeah, that's fine." That comes out a lot harsher than I want it to.

"You know, if it bothers you I can just take another cab." he snaps, shoving his camera in its bag.

"If it bothered me, I would have said no. But I genuinely don't give a shit." I snap back. He looks up at me, runs his tongue across his teeth and raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I've noticed that you don't give a shit about anything anymore," and he just smirks.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask him, as calmly as I can.

He just makes that face that I hate, the one that always provokes me to scream at him. It's a little sad, actually.

I stare at him and take a deep breath.

"I'm not doing this with you anymore, Edward." His nostrils flare a bit and he hunches his shoulders, I can tell he's about to roll his eyes. "I mean it, Edward. I'm not. I've moved on from this."

"Who are you trying to convince, Bella? I heard you the first time."

I start to retort, but I realize that's exactly wants me to do. And I have moved on from this, so I don't say anything.

{~'~}

When we get to the apartment we immediately disband. He's up the stairs way before me, but I'm not complaining. A couple seconds later, I hear his door slam. I make it inside my door and close it quietly.

I suppose it would have been nice to come to some sort of understanding with Edward. I didn't know quite what I was expecting but I had kind of hoped that, I don't know, we could work on good terms. But now I see that this won't happen, and my chances of getting on good terms with Edward are slim.

Before I fall asleep at night, I wonder if it'll ever get better. And then I wonder if it's even worth caring about.

"Come on, Bella! Please, please?" Alice begs. Her voice over the phone is very high pitched and I wince, bringing it away from my ear for a bit.

"Alice, please don't beg. Jeez, you've got me begging now."

"But Bella! It'll be so much fun! Rosalie is coming, she already said yes. Now I just need my best friend there!"

"Alice," I sigh, running my hand over my face and through my hair, which, as usual is a tangled, knotted mess. "That's really not my scene. . . I don't, I'm not -"

"Well, how do you know that it's not your scene? Have you ever been clubbing before?" Alice quips.

"Well, no, but - "

"Then why say no? I feel like you always miss out on opportunities because you've never tried them before. Just because you have never gone to a club, doesn't mean you shouldn't ever go to a club!"

"Alice, that's not the point. . ."

"Then what is the point?"

This stunts me for a second. Besides my fear of dancing in front of people, I really don't have any other reason not to go. I realize Alice is right, I am just saying no for no reason. I mean, falling and making a fool of myself is a good reason why I don't want to go, but it's not a good enough reason for me to not go at all. I briefly think about using my condition as an excuse, but that just feels wrong.

"Well, I don't have anything to wear." I pout. And it's true, I don't.

"Then you know what that means," Alice says in a sing-song tone. I literally gulp at what I've walked myself into.

"Alice, but we just went shopping!" I whine. "I'm trying to get myself to stay on budget."

"Why? It's not like you need it!" Alice laughs. She's right, I don't. But still, waste not, want not. "But fine, you can just come to my place and borrow something of mine."

"Alice, we're not exactly the same size. . ." I'm at least three sizes larger than her. And about 6 inches taller.

"So what! The shorter the better."

"I still want to be comfortable, though, Alice."

"Don't worry, I have just the drink for that," she giggles.

"Alice, I don't want to get drunk!"

"You don't have to be drunk! Besides, I care more about your health than my own. We'll just take a couple of shots at my house with Rosalie before we go, bars are expensive. Can you be here by seven?"

I glance over at my alarm clock. Four hours.

"Yeah. What time are we leaving?"

"Ten thirty, probably. We have to get you ready, and me ready, and wait for Briar Rose to get here, and then we're gonna drink a little and then go." I chuckle a little at Alice's nickname for Rosalie.

"And there's no way I can get out of this?"

"Nope!"

"Well then, I will see you in a couple hours." I say. I end the phone call after Alice starts talking about what dress I should wear, and snuggle back into bed.


End file.
